Midwife help needed!

[Gillybean2010]

Hi all,

I'm new here, and I'm wondering if anyone can offer me some information. Before getting pregnant, DH and I decided that if all was ok with the pregnancy, then we'd ideally like a home birth. However, when it came to one of my mw appointments, she made it really clear that it wasn't an option, as she didn't recommend it for first time pregnancies.

So, basically I've become really down about it, and it was getting me pretty stressed. I felt as though I couldn't talk to my mw about anything really, and as she'd closed off the topic of home birth, I haven't mentioned it to her again.

Instead, I sought advice from a home birth group, who said that it would be best to write a letter/email to the supervisor of midwives for my area, and tell her the problems. I've done that, but now I've received an email back from her stating that she's surprised about what I had to say about my mw, as she's very accomodating to hb, and has supported many first time pregnancy home births. She's suggested that there has been a misunderstanding, and that she's spoken to my mw who has said she's happy to discuss my home birth options with me.

But now I'm totally worried that she's going to have a bit of an attitude towards me; something that I really don't want for obvious reasons. I'm meant to have an appt with her next week, but now I'm petrified of seeing her, and I don't know what to do. I'm wondering if I should give her a call, perhaps tomorrow, and just say that I was advised to email the SofM, and that there must have been a misunderstanding.

Do you think this is a good idea, or should I do something else? I'm getting really worried and anxious thinking about it, as I hate confrontation at the best of times, and I really don't want there to be an atmosphere.

Sorry for the really long post - any help or advice would be greatly appreciated

The policy of most trusts is to be very supportive of home births but all midwives have their own personal opinions which they seem to find hard to keep to themselves lol, it may be that there was no misunderstanding but she's been reminded of the policy by the SoM.
You never know who you'll get on the day/night of the birth where ever you have the baby, but my advice is as a mother you'll learn to grow a thick skin because you'll offend anyone you have to in order to secure the best care/education/outcome for your child/ren, so you might as well start now.

If it would put your mind at rest, then yes I'd give her a call. Otherwise I'd wait til the appointment. If you feel there is an atmosphere though you can always ask to be assigned a different midwife.

Take a deep breath, smile confidently at her, and say, "I hope you don't mind me talking to the supervisor of midwives. I had thought you didn't feel comfortable with me having a home birth, but she assures me you're very pro-home birth. Would you mind if we talked it through again?" Then smile again, unapologetically. If you don't act as though something embarrassing has happened, then it won't become embarrassing!

Good luck. If she DOES give you attitude, or is unhelpful, come back and we'll think through your next steps!

Thank you thank you thank you!!! You're replies have been so helpful. I hate being in this situation, it's really not nice, but I think I'm going to go along to the appointment and take it from there. After all, I guess if she's full of attitude to me, then I'll request a change of midwife.

Thanks again