If you keep wishing your pregnancy away the baby will be born knowing you didn't want him

[only7wksleft]

Oh god I am posting here to stop myself getting in the car and going to have a show down with MIL.

I am 33 weeks pregnant and have been suffering with anxiety/OCD all through the pregnancy. I usually take fluoxetine but stopped at 12 weeks and really really want to start taking it again but am trying to hold out until the baby is born (another anxiety thing)

Just speaking to mil and she said 'oh you have to stop saying you don't want to be pregnant anymore. I did that and I am sure that is why x is the way he is. Babies know if you don't want them when you are pregnant, you need to try sending loving thoughts to it

WTF I never once said I didn't want the baby, surely it isn't so hard to understand that I feel pretty desperate right now and could really do with being back on my AD's and just don't want to be pregnant any fucking more.

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh

Of course not, what a stupid not to mention insensitive thing to say.

Of course the baby doesn't know what you are thinking, (although its possible being anxious may affect it.)

It might be problem if you are still saying that when the baby is 2 years old though...

Also speak to Dr about medication maybe at this late stage its ok to take (I have no idea but should discuss with dr).

It's bollocks.

Loads of women hate being pg - especially by 33 weeks - but adore their babies.

crap! a baby doesn;t know what you're thinking

yes, once it is born, if you are very negative and unloving towards it then of course it could be affected. but in utero? when you;re just a bit stressed? of course not she's talking rubbish

fwiw i am sure that fluoxetine is fine in pg and while breastfeeding depending on dose

Ignore her. Try and get the anxiety under control in other ways though. I had anxiety when pregnant, it was pure hell. The mistake I made was thinking I just ahd to live with it until the baby was born, I didnt really try and improve things whilst pregnant iyswim? as it happens my anxiety disappeared teh second he was born but then it was all focused around teh pregnancy going wrong etc. What are you particularly anxious about? No need to say if you dont want to, might help to talk though?

Moron, the baby knows nothing.

Plus wishing to not be pregnant any more means yu are wishing the baby was here, that's the opposite of not wanting him.

Sheesh, she's just projecting her crap onto you - ignore, ignore, ignore!
Try not to talk to her about anything vaguely meaningful ever.

I think maybe this is the job of a MIL, to interfere and make you feel like you're not good enough!
But you are good enough, have confidence in yourself that you know what's best for YOUR baby, ignore any advice which is obviously stupid and unhelpful, but sometimes they come up with useful stuff...

thats a load of rubbish. dont let it get to you. x

Sounds like you have been going through SUCH a tough time with having to be off your meds and the anxiety and OCD. You deserve huge amounts of praise and respect - WELL DONE!!!!!
Pregnancy can be an utterly grueling, soul-destroying and unpleasant experience for all sorts of reasons and MANY women wish the whole thing was over and done with (or that they'd never got themselves into the situation in the first place). And none of that has anything to do with how much they want the baby. MIL is talking hogwash. Hard not to let it get to you though - they really know how to press those buttons! Is it possible to avoid her for the moment, or at least only interact when there are other people about who can counter any more nonsense she comes out with? BTW what does your husband have to say about what she's said? Any help?
If you haven't done so already, I would go and see your GP about starting the meds again, or maybe getting some other help to get you through this.
Good luck - and always believe in yourself

thank you all for your messages

It was just utterly the wrong time to be hearing that I had something else to worry about!

I am going to the GP this afternoon to be referred back to the perinatal mental health nurse I saw during my last pregnancy.

Thank you also for all the advice re AD's and pregnancy, I think I have read every tiny bit of research/anecdote/trial on AD's and pregnancy on the Internet! I know I could take them it just then adds to the anxiety that I am not being the 'perfect' pregnant mother I could be. I suppose I think if I can just hold out for another 7 wks then it won't be so bad

My top tip for life (I was going to say pregnancy, but then I realised it could jsut as easily cover all aspects of my life) is to STEER CLEAR OF THE MIL!

Mine is bonkers, and I mean that in a clinical way. She has disowned her youngest son (who is a social worker) because he tried to tell her she needed help with her mental health. She hears voices. She says thinks which are offensive and upsetting and doesn't think there is anything wrong with that.

Your's sounds like she is not being especially helpful or even correct. Just communicate with her through OH if need be.

sheesh, what utter nonsense! I strongly suspect she is clueless about the OCD and other horrors that you're going through. Be strong - ignore her - you will adore your baby and your baby will adore you. xxx

I seriously hope baby can't read my mind, some of those pregnancy dreams are shocking!

I dislike being pregnant, everything about it, except the outcome, it is such a PITA, but is a means to an end.

Good lord. You may well win the prize for Best Horrible MIL Story of the month. (If we don't have one of these, judging by this topic alone, we should!).

If my firstborn had heard my thoughts while I was pregnant, she'd hate my guts but now she is almost 2 she says "I love mummy VERYMUCH"".

So there.

What you have to do is avoid her from now until the end of your pregnancy. In fact, give it until the first 2 months after the baby is born.

She sounds like just the sort of person who will make you doubt how competent you are.

I love babies.
But I HATE everything about growing them.

And my MIL is bonkers too - you have my sympathies. Avoid her is the only solution...

argh GP rubbish

DH had a word with MIL, so she came and explained that she didn't mean to hurt my feelings but babies are v sensitive to negative energy

This is my 3rd DC btw and I am actually looking forward to baby arriving, just want it out so I can start helping myself re anxiety!