DH freaking out now in late pregnancy. Anything I can do?

[bananapeanutbutter]

DH is driving me crazy. This is our first and although I (mostly) feel very sympathetic, as it is a huge thing, he is stressing me out with his last minute baby freak out.

First he wants to change jobs (with paternity leave all booked, sympathetic boss etc), then he gets all moody about money (or lack thereof), now he tells me he is applying for jobs in New York. WTF? He seems to be constantly grumpy and can't sleep, super sensitive about me spending money on baby stuff (and I'm not going overboard in any way!), working very late hours as if to avoid me, which is making me miserable. We have talked about his worries quite openly and I've tried to be supportive and understanding and allay his fears, however, there is NOTHING I can do or say that is right and to be honest at 33 weeks, with one million aches and pains not to mention threat of impending labour, I am beginning to feel like it is my right to have the hissy fit not him!

All of you wise ladies that have been through this, or going through this, is there anything I can do (apart from just giving birth already?)? Any advice? Pls tell me I am not the only one.

You're not the only one. I asked DH how he is going to cope with labour as he won't be allowed an epidural.

It's all about them, didn't you know??

will be watching this thread with interest for tips of how to deal with it...

Haha - I'm 30 weeks and my DH also trying to move jobs even though paternity leave booked etc and stacks of holiday he's carried forward booked in. He gets home late as is going to interviews each night so I have to put kids to bed myself.

I think men (including my DH) can suffer from lots of pregnancy symptoms, particularly the hormonal ones ie anxiety... some men have even been known to lactate (a few drops!) after their OH's have given birth. I think you just need to give him some space and try not to lash out at him, and try hard to be sympathetic and look elsewhere for support.

I have told my DH that I will not be buying anything for the baby at all or sorting the room out... its my job to carry it and give birth he can sort the rest out. We have done this each time and its worked well has given him something to focus on - choosing cot, pram, crib, sling, monitor etc etc for DC1, (although this time with DC3 just room to sort out as we have most things already) it works as rather than being passive bystander he has an important job that can be done at weekends/evenings. I didn't pass comment, I give suggested generic list eg pram with car seat, new born nappies, cot & mattress and just let him buy what he wants, and then tell him its a great choice.

BTW your DH can have the gas and air in labour when the midwife pop out of the room!!!

Bananapeanutbutter- I'm having a similar thing with my DP at the moment (I have a thread on the Relationships board). He had a freak out when DS was born 3.5 years ago, and actually left for a while. I'm now 32 wks with DC2, and he announced a few days ago that he's not happy, hates his job (which he's never mentioned before), is sick of never having any money, and wants to go TRAVELLING!!! (again, never before since I've known him has he mentioned this- in fact he's never even been abroad). I'm sure he's just having another freak out for whatever reason, but it really doesn't help when you're very pregnant and trying to hold it all together.

Just so you know, you're not alone.

Thanks for your advice everyone.

Potpourri you made me giggle . Given how stressed he is at the moment, I dread to think how DH is going to deal with labour. I've told him VERY FIRMLY that it's okay to leave the birthing room if he isn't handling it ... maybe giving him a bit of G&A is the trick.

Thanks MumNW for the advice. The problem is that I don't think anything would be planned, chosen, bought or accomplished re the baby if I wasn't doing it all. Sometimes I think he is in a state of semi-denial (ie why on earth would we need a pram?? What do you use a pram for anyway? Oh yeah the baby thing. Can't we just tie a milk crate to a skateboard and drag the baby around in that?). Anyway have definitely not lashed out at him (yet... the venting on here is helping) and trying to give him space. Just doesn't seem fair that the support is all one way.

Hazyeyes I will check out your thread! That's exactly how I feel - trying to hold it together, not get stressed about labour, the pain, looking after a new baby AND my DH.

It does sound like he is in denial - just thought it might be an idea if he's worried you are spending too much, all give him the responsibility. Not really much you can do apart from encouraging him to go out now to see friends whilst you don't really need help in the house and try and be sympathetic.

My DH really enjoyed buying the pram, I gave requirements, eg we had a small car and I wanted the baby to face me when it was little & wanted a travel system. Luckily test-driving prams appealed to him.

In the end he couldn't be bothered to buy stuff like babygros or nappies so I did that, but he did choose all the bigger things, although none of it (apart from pram) arrived until after she was born as he left it so late. But it didn't matter as he bought a crib which was fine for the first while until the cot/changing table came.

And some things he decided were unnecessary like a baby bath - "can't you just bath them in the sink"... although he did buy one after she was born.

dont worry my husband is doing the same thing, he has decided he wants to quit his job and start his own business (to be fair it is a possibility and he does have the skills etc to do it BUT the timing is AWFUL). This isnt even our first, its our fourth!.
My husband is a GREAT dad and actually a great husband he just reallllyy doesnt like pregnancy and he gets worried not only about the changes but also about the fact he knows I am uncomfortable and will have to actually get the baby out somehow.
I tend to let him get on with it. When I was pregnant with my second we moved a couple of hundred miles to a new job for him and to be fair it was probably the best choise we have ever made. I do all the baby shopping, all of the name picking etc.
BUT when the babies head appears he is the one stroking it as it is born, he is the one who wraps it all up and he is the one who suddenly has concerns over whether it has the right hat etc!

Crumbs it's good to hear there are a few wobbly DHs out there...

I wouldn't say mine is in denial, but he doesn't seem nearly as interested in the preggers and baby stuff as me. Sometimes we are on completely different wavelengths, as he gets preoccupied and grumpy with work (which has gone a bit tits up recently, and I'm expecting him to sit down and have a lovely chat about baby stuff.

Once it's arrived safely he'll be as obsessed with it as he was with our last; I think maintaining his distance is his way of ensuring that he's not too attached if anything goes wrong :-( Unfortunately that strategy doesn't work for the one carrying the constant reminder!

Ho hum, onwards.