I am 12 weeks with my 2nd. The baby's father is a man i was with for only a couple of months when I found out I was pg. It was totally unplanned and unexpected.
The relationship between us was far from good at the best of times. It is now well and truely over. I have found out he was lying through his teeth about nearly everything, he had me spending money on him with promises to pay back always unfulfilled for one reason or another, he owes money to friends, family and other creditors all over the place. He was chatting up other women and going on dating sites whilst telling me he loved me and wanted to get married. We argued constantly and he would shout and swear in front of DD1. He continually accused me of cheating and did not believe the baby was his. I never cheated. The final straw for me was when i posted the scan pics on his facebook tagged as him so he could show friends and family and he removed them so he could continue chatting up other women.
I want to have this child and to have nothing more to do with him. I do not want him to have any contact with the child. I do not believe he is fit to be a father and I do not want his involvement, money or anything else. This is partially because I just do not like the man and want him out of my life completely, but also because I believe it will be in the baby's best interests.
He already has a child from a previous marriage, a girl of 5. He sees her around once a month. He told me he was giving her mother maintenence regularly. At first I believed him. Then the CSA got in contact with him and started taking a fortune. I believe he was paying little, if anything, sporadically at best. His finances are a mess, he has no idea what he has coming in or going out. The first tinme I met his daughter she was staying at his (disgusting) flat. She got up the next morning and he had nothing in for her breakfast, not even anything for her to drink. I asked him what she was going to do for breakfast and he mumbled something about taking her to macdonalds in a couple of hours. I went to the shop and bought her milk, juice, cereal, bread, butter and jam. When she sleeps over she shares his bed. The sheets have not been washed or changed in the entire time I have known him. He frequently has no toilet roll and I have seen clean sheets that I gave him in his bathroom, cut in to strips, and a pair of scissors. I can only assume he was using them as toilet paper. I do not think this is a suitable environment for a child to be in.
I have also seen him talking to his daughter about her mother, questioning her as to why her mother has not told him about school plays etc and very obviously making her feel uncomfortable. He speaks to her about her mother in a derogatory manner. I spoke to him about this and said at the time I did not think it was fair to grill the kid, if he had issues with her mother it should be her he spoke to. He told me to f* off and said he knew how to bring up his daughter. I think her mother has very little idea of the things that happen when she is not there.
I am worried at the moment because although he says he does not believe this baby is his that he will be taking me to court for custody when he/she is born. He says that I am unstable and not fit to be a mother. I have one beautiful, well cared for and well adjusted child, whom I love with all my heart and who gets all the love, care and attention she could ever possibly need. I do not believe for one minute he would ever win a custody battle. But I am worried he will insist on a DNA test and access rights after the birth, and I will not be able to prevent his involvement at all. I have no intention of naming him on the birth cert. Should I tell him I cheated and it's not his kid to get him off my back? Is there anything else I can do? Any advice, comments, suggestions welcome. If you think I am in the wrong not wanting him involved, I don't mind if you say so, but I think my reasons are valid and in the best interests of bringing up a happy and healthy, well adjusted child.