exp threatening to take duaghter away when she is born

[jellybean86]

we spilt few weeks ago, he has been difficult and continues to smoke weed daily and have made no effort to change.

and when i told him that if he makes things difficult/stresses me out when im in labour or if he has been smoking i wont have him there.

now he is threatening that if i dont let him be there, he will take her and i will never see her again.

I am so scared i am shaking to bits

How awful. I'm not an expert but I am fairly sure that with his drug-taking and making overt threats, you can report this to the police and get it on record and this should help a lot in making sure he is not allowed unsupervised access. Also, you don't have to have him at the birth - it's your choice. He's not even your partner - he shouldn't expect to be there unless you actively want him to be. He sounds very unpleasant so don't feel for a second you have to.

Please talk about all this to your midwife regarding your birth plan, let the police know, and keep records of any threats he makes and when, evidence you have of drug abuse, etc.

Do you have anyone else in RL to support you and be a birth partner, eg your mum or a friend?

my best friend is going to be my birth partner and my mum will be around. but im just so petrified now. he has put me through hell these last 7 weeks so why shud i let him b there

You absolutely do not have to let him be there. He has no right to be at the birth.
Marine is right, get this logged and speak to your midwife for advice.
Good luck.

you don't.

you have said he is an EX. If he is being threatening then log everything with the police.

Otherwise you will have problems. Also if you start logging stuff now, if he tries to pull th ss card later on which some people will try, you will have records of all the harrassment.

You can also tell the hospital he is not under any circumstances to be allowed access to you or the baby while you are in hospital.

Until that baby is registered he has no rights. at all. and only then if he is named on the birth cert.

Do NOT let him be there - you obviously don't want to and you don't have to. Certainly no way on earth should you let him be there just because he's threatening you.

There is no way a druggie who has been making threats to abduct your child will be granted custody, and probably not sole access either. Please contact the police, I think the authorities need to know about this so they can protect you, and it should make you feel a lot better.

Don't let him be there. It's not a choice he has.

Log his drug using behavior and threats of child abduction with the police. Don't think "If he does it again I will" or "If he gets worse I will" - do it tomorrow.

jellybean86

It looks like you are being given lots of good advice on here so I hope you are feeling a bit better. If you have your mum and best friend around I hope they are able to be supportive, which will be great. Thinking of you.

It is a not a spectator sport. A birth partner is supposed to support you.

Any more threats go straight to the police.

ah sweetie, THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH he will be able to take your baby away.

I agree dont stand for this disgusting behaviour, please log this

to the police
to your midwife

are you living with him right now?

I would log it now with police and speak to your doctor/midwife. This is unacceptable, you poor thing. Please don't let him stress you like this! And make sure you do not get him on the birth cert as I gather you aren't married. He would get PR and a say and I think that would open Pandora's box for you.

If he took your baby at birth he would be committing a crime.

He is talking crap.

However, do alert your midwife and GP and log it with the police as he is effectively harassing you.

If you do not want him at the birth, he has no rights to be there. In fact, if he is anything like my druggie BIl he would fail to make it through the birth as he would have to keep leaving every 20 mins to light up.

When you go into labour, don't tell him.

I would also advise you talk to women's aid, who are terribly supportive of women who are being hounded by their partenrs.

whatever you do, don't put his name on the birth certificate, that will give him parental rights. however he will still have to pay child support even if he's not on there.

unless he has a complete personality change and you trust him 100%

jellybean86

I am a Family Law solicitor and agree with the advice given. I would say;

1. don't have him at the birth- notify the hospital of the threats and don't allow him on the ward

2. after the birth, don't allow contact- don't let him in your home/near your child. This will minimise any risk of him being a total idiot and trying to snatch her from your care

3. see a solicitor to pursue a Residence Order. This, if granted would confirm that your child lives with you day to day. If dad did take the child, on the basis of you having a Residence Order you could ask the police to intervene and return her. If dad wants contact the Courts can deal with this at the same time, but will be urged by your solicitor to consider the threats he has made, his drug use and his (i assume) lack of parenting history. In my experience he would be looking at supervised contact at best in this situation

4)Report threats to the police- police records can prove vital in the grand scheme of things!!

hope that helps. and don't let him bully you or intimidate you.