Is it normal to cry this much in late pregnancy or am I depressed?

[somethinganything]

Seem to spend a high percentage of my time in tears at the moment. Almost 37 weeks pregnant with DC2. Feel v panicky and questioning every little decision I make. Have so much to do and yet at the end of each day I don't seem to have got anything done, just worried about it. DH and I are getting on v badly and I don't know whose fault it is ? part of me blames him but part of me thinks I'm just being completely unreasonable all round and impossible to live with. I'm tired but I'm not sleeping properly, I feel breathless, exhausted, tearful, and dizzy much of the time. And I feel so incredibly guilty and sad that I'm not enjoying what will probably be my last pregnancy, not feeling nurturing enough towards the new baby and not cherishing my last little bit of time alone with DD. Everything just feels completely out of control and I don't know how much of it is down to hormones or if there's something wrong with me. I've been depressed in the past but have usually taken a long time to recognise it.

Anyone have any experience of this/know what I'm talking about?

I had antenatal depression from when I finished work 11 weeks before the baby arrived and it then carried on for the next two years. I didn't realise it was antinatal depression before I had DD 1 but once I realised I wish I had gone to the GP as they could probably have helped me so it didn't escalate further.
I think you should go to the GP and explain how you feel and try to chat to a friend so you have some local support. You must feel really down at a time when you should be feeling joyous about your new baby about to arrive. Try to take little staps at a time; you have lots to think about with your DH, feeling anxious/tired etc and you're also caring for you DD. Try to take the pressure off yourself - have you told your DH how you feel?

Hi, I am in my first pregnancy, 37 +1 and feel much the same. I have been ok up to this point, but in the past few days I have been feeling much as you described. I cant ake a decision, I am worried about just about everything - money, the new baby, everything - and I cannot sleep, am very teary, etc. So I suppose I dont really have any advice but I do understand how you are feeling! I have a GP appointment later this morning (am in Aust, 8am here) and will be talking with her about it. It's a horrible feeling. I nkow the end of pregnancy generally isn't great, but this is really horrible.

I think you (and sharon) sound very smart and selfaware. The thing that made me (and other people) take my PND seriously was when I realised I didn't feel like myself... Working that out was the first step in the right direction. And there is real, proper help out there if you need it.

I can't tell whether or not you are depressed, but I can encourage you to talk to the GP. Just saying this stuff out loud might help, you know . Or print out your OP and take that in.

Thanks v much for all your posts.

Lucie - I have tried to explain to DH but I think he's sick of hearing me whinge in general and just thinks I'm being a bit lame. I just don't know how to get on top of things, have only 3 weeks until my CS and have stupidly taken on more work and I just feel I'm doing everything badly. For some reason I feel anxious about speaking to my GP about it, like I'll somehow be labelling myself for the future. I guess it's just that difficult step of saying it out loud to someone.

sharon sorry to hear you're in the same boat. I hope your GP is able to help. Let us know how you get on.

CarmelitaMiggs thing is, I'm just not sure what 'myself' is like, at times like this, I just think perhaps I'm always this over-emotional rather incapable person. I just don't know what normal for me is. And I'm also terrified of going back on ADs. Took me a good year to feel ok after coming off them 5 years ago.

Whether you have pnd/and or not, you have a lot going on (things on your mind and more physical issues such as looking after your DD and work/home etc). Perhaps you can make a list of each 'worry' and then prioritise them and decide what needs to take more priority than others. You haven't said what work you do but at 37 weeks, most mums to be aren't working. If it's not vital to your financial situation, then I wouln't take on more work. Just try to have little treats throughout the day like a walk to the playpark with DD, perhaps a takeaway with your DH once DD is in bed. Little things can really make a difference but tbh, I would ask to see a female GP and take your original post in and show her (like Carmelita suggests). You could try looking at natural ways of feeling brighter such as a swim, eating brazil nuts/apricots etc. You might be so exhausted that simply boosting your system might make you feel a bit better. .

Thanks again Luciemule - I work from home doing freelance writing and editing so it's not like a full-time job and I don't have to deal with the stress of commuting etc Having said that I would like to have stopped by now and I tried to get out of my latest bit of work yesterday becausethe money isn't vital and it's draggin on and I had warned them that I was tight on time because of the due date. But they sounded really disappointed and I feel I'm just letting another person down so have said I'll do my best to get it done. But at the same time I'm doing some writing for a local charity plus trying to oversee the building work, plus involved in a horrible small claims issue with a company who damaged our property and which I'm finding really stressful. Then there's jus the day to day stuff of keeping on top of washing and shopping and getting b'day cards to peoplle on timetc. Just all feels so overwhelming.

Anyway, moan over - I really do appreciate the advice ad you're right about the small treats making a huge difference. Am feeling a bit less blue today purely because DD slept in this morning and the extra sleep plus the fact that DH and I didn't argue yesterday has made things seem a little brighter. I guess I'll just try and take it 1 day at a time but thank you for listening.

Glad you're feeling a little better but it still seems to me like you're snowed under. Could your DH sort out the claims stuff.
Please don't feel like you're letting people down - anyone who sounds disappointed when you're 37 weeks aren't being very empathetic!

Sorry to hear you feel so down. This is my second pregnancy (30 weeks now) and while I have gone through bouts of feeling really low, I've been a whole lot less emotional than with my first where I seemed to cry non-stop. I put a lot of it down to hormones, no-one probably knows how much they affect us and to what extent but I do think they are often to blame.

Can I suggest you try and have a big hug from your DH? You don't need to say anything, but just a lovely cuddle or bear hug if physically possible might do you the world of good.. My DH used to just force me to have a hug and while I didn't initially feel like it, it really helped once I accepted it.. sounds a bit hippy I know but it works a treat.

Also, working from home, do you get to go out for breaks at all? Like try a 10 minute walk or longer to get some fresh air. I know walking at this late stage can be a pain - even if it's just down to pressure on the bladder but a brisk 10 mins might help.

Hope you feel better soon x

Hello.. do you feel like this all the time or do have have triggers that start the tears? I am 41 weeks pregnant and have been bursting into tears for the last 4 weeks or so.. things from guilt about having to share arms and love with my 20mth old when he finally arrives, to watching an advert on tv set me off.... I have put a lot of it down to hormones and extreme tiredness.. some days I feel fairly normal (cant really remember what that is but...) and others I am a hormonal wreck..
Hang in there and talk to somebody who knows you (who understands pregnancy), often they should be able to sense if its a reasonable "meltdown".. if you know what i mean!

x

Hi Something,

Long time lurker on mumsnet, never posted before but I can identify with so much in your post. May be long, but hope some of it is helpful...

I suffered really badly with depression in my first pregnancy. It started early, looking back, but it took me a long time to seek help, partly because I was in denial (it was just so not 'me' to be depressed) and partly because I just felt really pathetic and thought that that I should just 'snap out of it' somehow. In the end I was so unwell that I had to seek help. For me, that meant ADs - such a difficult decision to take them when I was still pregnant because they're not without risk for the baby, but it was the right thing to do, for sure. I felt instantly better, and could enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy and was some way towards being back to my old self by the time DD came along. That's just my experience, but I would urge you to speak to your GP or midwife ASAP - seems like a hideous prospect and like 'admitting defeat', I know, but I reckon you'll feel better just for seeking some help and sharing the problem.

Other things that helped me, some of which other posters have also mentioned.

• Acupuncture - really, really good for me. Have also heard good things about reflexology, also some nice 'me' time.
• Exercise, just a walk is great
• Doing something every day, even, ESPECIALLY if you don't feel like it - depression feeds on inactivity
• Counselling was also good, but I had a bit more time than you before the birth. Maybe something to consider after the baby has arrived?
• Being kind to myself. I too took on extra work, still remembered people's birthdays etc, just like you. Partly as a way of still feeling in control. But I also used it as a way of beating myself up - 'I must be a rubbish person for forgetting Aunt Mabel's birthday', whereas anyone else would think 'oops, silly me - must be because I have a lot on my plate right now'. It can become a vicious circle, if you let it.
• Hold on to the good days, like today - and make the most of them. Get your work done on good days if you can maybe, so pressure's off when you're not so good?

I was surprised at how 'physical' my depression was in its symptoms - I've never felt so unwell in my life. I am 6 weeks PG now with no2 and scared that it will happen again, and am struggling a bit to separate out all the normal early pregnancy feeling rubbish with how I felt when I was depressed. That said, I reckon it would also be an idea to get yourself checked out, make sure everything's OK physically - being breathless, exhausted and dizzy for example can be a sign of anaemia. They should be checking your iron levels around now in preparation for delivery, but I would double check all's OK there.

And I completely identify with the impact this has had on your relationship with OH. One for another post maybe. I felt like I ruined what should have been a really happy time for my OH. He certainly found me very lame, and I know I was really hard to be around. I gave him 'Antenatal and Post-Natal Depression' by Siobham Curham to read which helped him to understand a bit more. 'Tis a good book, and may be helpful for you?

Thinking of you xx

Haven't been online since yesterday because my laptop was working really slowly and was taking me hours to read/write anything so used DH's but didn't want him being able to read all my posts! No idea how to change the memory settings on his laptop.

So nice to get all your posts, it's just not something I feel I can talk to people about in RL. Do feel a lot more in control at the mo largely because DH and I are getting on better and I seemed to manage to separate work and looking after DD better yesterday (rather than feeling as if I'm doing both badly). The depression, if that's what it is, isn't constant but seems to just be present too much of the time. Have been thinking about counselling once I have time after the birth but the idea of finding the time and worrying about whether or not it's worth spending the time/money on begins to stress me out too. It all just feels so selfish when I try to see it from DH's point of view. He said to me the other day that I was being pathetic and that I "don't have it hard" (to be fair, that was said during a silly petty argument about the fact that I always end up getting up with DD so it wasn't out of the blue and we were both being really snappy, I told him he was selfish etc). But it's really stuck with me and I think perhaps he's right actually, people have to deal with much more and just get on with it without sinking into depression/self-pity and it makes me so frustrated with myself that I don't seem to be able to function normally like other people.

Spinxworth thanks so much for your thoughts, all v useful tips. I hope things are better for you this pregnancy. Looking back, the first trimester was really tough this time around and it did get easier when I got past the 12-odd week mark.

Thanks also to Meeshamie Rachel and luciemule - like I say, it's a real comfort to know there are people out there who understand how it feels. And the points you all make about exercise, treats etc make a lot of sense. I'm quite active and on days when I'm not I definitely feel the difference.

Anyway, I really do have to go and get on with work now but thank you all for the support