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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Please help me be more assertive with my midwife/consultant!

11 replies

RNW · 01/02/2010 21:12

Hello,
I'm looking for some moral support basically. I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with my second child, having had raised blood pressure from 32 weeks with my first one.
When I became pregnant this time, the doctor recommended that I bought a BP monitor and checked it regularly at home myself, which I have been doing-and it is always fine.
I should also mention that I have 'white coat syndrome' and always have done, ever since I was a student. This has meant in the past that I have 24 hours BP monitors on, and they have always been spot on where they should be.
The problem came last week-I had a consultant appointment, rushed to get there, had my BP taken by a rather snotty midwife, who commented that it seemed high. I responded that I had been rushing, was late and so obviously it was high. I had taken it an hour earlier and it was fine. I was then seen by the consultant who commented on the same thing, I explained the situation yet again, and she said that she wanted to see me regardless this week, because of this.
I went to see my community midwife the next day, having obsessed all night about it and got in a right state-my BP was high, on both her and my machine. I explained the circumstances, which she seemed to accept, and later when I got home, I tested it again, and yet again, it was fine!!!
I have ever since been subject to conversations with her, where she has been rather passive aggressive with me-I explained to her that I was going to cancel the consultant appointment this week, as I felt it was a waste of time-my BP would be high because I would be wound up even going there. I also asked her to come and see me at home this week to take my BP, instead of me getting wound up going to the clinic to have it taken.
My problem (and sorry it's been so long winded) is that I have totally wrong footed here, I am starting to not feel in control. I feel that they don't believe me that I having been taking accurate readings myself, and nothing I do is going to convince them otherwise. I am an intelligent, well educated person, who wouldn't do anything to put myself or the baby at risk. Obviously, if my BP went up then I would be the first one to reach for the medication, but the truth is, that it hasn't!
I'm aware that to the midwife, I am coming across as being difficult, when I really am not! I just don't know what to do for the best, I am worrying myself silly over this.
I want to avoid the failed induction/EMCS that happened last time, due to my supposed high BP. I just need to know what to say that is assertive, without coming across as aggressive. I've had a great pregnancy this time, and this is really ruining it.
Any ideas gratefully received!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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greensnail · 01/02/2010 21:21

Have you been writing down your BP reading when you take them yourself? I would record them on a chart and keep this with your notes to show the consultant and midwife. Seeing it written down might help them to see that it has been ok better than you trying to explain this to them when you're feeling worked up and stressed about their readings. Good luck!

Original poster

RNW · 01/02/2010 21:22

Thanks for your reply. Yep, I've been writing them down in a book!

OP posts:

debka · 01/02/2010 21:29

I had the exact same thing with my pregnancy, so i understand where you are coming from. Unsympathetic, impatient doctors just exacerbate the situation which makes your BP go up even more. I agree with greensnail- write your BP down every time you take it and show your doctors. Also, if you really feel that they are not listening, I would take control and insist on a different midwife. She ought to make you feel comfortable. I would probably go to see the consultant though, they will know about white coat syndrome and hopefully be more sympathetic. Best of luck with it all

Original poster

RNW · 01/02/2010 21:32

Thank you

OP posts:

Tangle · 01/02/2010 23:58

Have you seen these phrases by Mary Cronk? They're useful for reminding consultants (and yourself ) that they can't dictate what care you will receive - just make recommendations that you can choose whether or not to accept.

At the end of the day, though, I'd be more concerned with making sure you understand exactly why they're recommending any intervention and making sure you agree with their reasoning before you accept and if that means you lean towards the aggressive side of assertive then so be it. For them its just another day in the office but for you its one of the most important days of your life.

Original poster

RNW · 02/02/2010 07:31

Fab link Tangle! Thank you for that-I have them all memorised and ready to use tomorrow afternoon

OP posts:

heliotrope · 02/02/2010 14:42

What an annoying situation, and I can definitely see why you want to get into an intervention situation. I am the same, get stressed just by the feeling of the cuff on my arm.
To be fair to the docs/mws, they are probably just feeling that they need to check themselves because of their own duty of care. I guess they don't know what equipment you have / how you use it, and are just trying to act in your best interests.
If your mw will come out to your home to take the BP that could be a good solution.Good luck
x

heliotrope · 02/02/2010 14:43

I meant DON'T want to get in an intervention situation...

Original poster

RNW · 02/02/2010 16:19

Thank you Heliotrope, will just have to grin and bear it...to an extent

OP posts:

newtzy · 02/02/2010 16:22

great link tangle - thanks.
I too had similar problems in my past 4 pregnancies with this problem and over zealous midwifes and going to see consultants when there is no need for it and bp problems due to worry and being anxious -
I am now in my 5th pregnancy and at the beginning of this pregnancy I was in a right tizwaz as I didn't want the same thing to happen again and have my pregnancy and my rights taken away from me - I have usually just taken it as gospel from these people that I am to do what they say - but not this time - I found my voice as they say and made my feelings clear right from the very start after my booking appointment -
they were going to make me consultant care because of previous pnd - well that one got nipped in the bud - came on here got some great advice - spoke to AIMS www.aims.org.uk/aims.htm - who gave me some support and also some advice on how to deal with these people and complaining -
I am now midwife care and booked in for a home birth.
Obviously we are not daft and we understand the need for help IF and WHEN its needed and would not refuse but there is no need for such over the top care when at the time its not needed.
Remember its your body and your pregnancy and YOUR CHOICE - not theirs - stick up for what you believe in because no one else will hun.
I really hope you can find your voice with these people and take back your pregnancy and enjoy the rest of it.

nigglewiggle · 02/02/2010 16:35

I had a problem with occasional high BP during my second pregnancy. My desired Homebirth was under threat. What I found helped was a bit of controlled breathing before they took it. I took a deep breath in through my nose as they inflated the cuff and then breathed slowly and calmly. It seemed to work (and I got my HB).

It's worth a try. Good luck.

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