Newly Pregnant and Scared

[NellyE]

I'd really like some help if anyone can offer any. I'm 34 and found out a week ago I'm pregnant with my first. Since then, I've just felt totally freaked out. It was planned, but happened very quickly. Since I found out I've just felt scared and worried - I can't seem to summon any excitement or happiness about what's ahead. Everything's going to change and I'm terrified I won't be able to cope.

This makes me feel terrible, as I know there are so many people who would kill to be in my position, and I know I should be more grateful.

Did anyone else feel like this when they got pregnant? And is there anything I can do to help with these negative feelings and stop being so damn freaked out?

If you can offer any reassurance, I'd love to hear it. Thank you.

[BethM1984]

Hi Lisa, I know this is an old thread but saw you commented in November. I wanted to see how were doing. I googled “pregnant and scared” and found this thread. I just found out I am pregnant 2 days ago and I am stricken with such anxiety and fear. I feel terrible and guilty. We were trying but I am still shocked as I had reasons to think it would take us a while. I feel so guilty but reading these comments has made me feel better

[Lisasanford]

Hi lovely sadly I lost the pregnancy a week later it was ectopic. I fell pregnant again within weeks and had another miscarriage on the 5th march. It's been devastating but I know that if we are lucky and I fall again I will still be scared despite how much I long for it. Please don't feel bad those feelings are normal, good luck XX

[BethM1984]

Hi Lisa, thank you so much for replying to me. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. My heart goes out to you. I’m the same age as you and suffer from anxiety as well. I am feeling terrible about the way I feel right now. It’s like the fear is crippling me. And I feel so bad putting this all on my husband... reading about others that have felt the same are helping me a bit not to feel as alone.

[Barbw86]

Hi Beth, wondering how you’re feeling now? Has your anxiety subsided? I also found out I am pregnant a few days ago & my anxiety has been terrible since. Like everyone else here I am feeling quite terrified. We had been trying for 8 months and when I took the test I was so excited to finally see a positive results. That quickly turned to fear and I cannot get myself out of this feeling. I hope all is well with you and your pregnancy.

[Rocky82]

I have just stumbled across this feed and find it very reassuring but have a problem I can't see addressed. I am about 4 weeks pregnant with my third. I always wanted three but my second was hard going (she didn't sleep etc) and when she was tiny I felt myself getting anxious about 'next time' so I eventually got my head round NOT going again. However I never fully made peace with that decision so over the summer, as many of my original baby friends started having their 3rd, I found myself seriously considering it. Anyway, fast forward and I'm pregnant on the second month of trying. I REALLY wanted this - I was tracking my cycle and in the first month I was 4 days late and SO disappointed when it transpired I wasn't pregnant.
I was happy when I did the test this time (though naturally nervous) but two days later had a massive panic attack - and I've felt like that to varying degrees every since (about a week). I am not a new mum, I have young kids so it's not even a big lifestyle change, but I can't help think I may regret this.
I am prolonging all the tedious things - the bad sleep, weaning, all the 4th birthday parties you have to go to in Reception.... I KNOW I sound ungrateful but I'm just feeling so overwhelmed. The thought of getting a bump and feeling it kick make me want to be sick. I am terrified I am going to reject the baby and never feel connected, either in pregnancy or after its born. I KNOW my kids will adore it and they are a fab duo so I'm only adding to it but what if I've just messed with our little family?
I'm going out of my mind - have any 2nd or 3rd time mums felt this??
Thanks so much

[Joanna0110]

I have just found out I'm pregnant wouldn't believe it but it was today and im so scared.. hormones are getting the best of me crying at everything and everyone aha, I'm glad I'm not the only one scared... congratulations... got doctors on 6th to find out how far I am :) x

[Storm123]

I fell pregnant as a surprise and at first I couldn't stop crying for weeks as I didn't know what to do. It think it's pretty normal.

I made the decision with my partner to continue the pregnancy and now we are coming up 21 weeks! We couldn't be happier. I'd say give everything a think over but in reality when is there a right time to have a baby?? Hope this makes you feel better :)

I do have a quick question of my own...
Q- I've been waking up with such a bad back I dont really want to get out of bed because of it. The whole of my back is just aching loads. I'm 21 weeks nearly. Is this normal ? X

[MsEm]

I found out last night that I'm about 7 weeks pregnant after a trip to a&e. I'm 36, single, and absolutely terrified...so I completely get where you're coming from. In all honesty, I didn't think I'd ever have children. It's difficult to come to terms with everything in so many ways. Feeling scared doesn't make us bad people or anything- but I just think we're both- and anyone feeling this way- going to have to do an awful lot of realistic thinking until it's figured out

[Onesmalldebs]

This thread is old but it’s been very helpful for so many that have come across it and I want to keep it going by adding my experience so far.
I found out two days ago that we’re pregnant and it definitely was a shock especially since four months ago we had a serious discussion about how we were fine with or without children in our lives and I felt like I had been given an out from having to give birth. I’ve never felt maternal or had baby fever or anything like that so I assumed I just wasn’t really meant to be a mom. Cue freak out when my period doesn’t show up for three days. Before I took a pregnancy test to confirm, I was having anxiety attacks particularly at night time which is when I usually do. I’ve had anxiety issues before but not in a while since I was able to reverse some health issues I was dealing with but the BFP sent me into a fresh panic spiral. Here’s the thing though. The worry and nervousness is so normal and I’ve learned to give myself permission to be scared. I had to do some soul searching to know why this pregnancy was causing so much fear and panic. Thinking about my life I realized It’s because I have issues with change and so many people do! I've had this problem for awhile. Before we took long international flights on amazing vacations, panic. Before I married the love of my life, panic. When we bought our first cute little home and had to move from a home I loved, panic. Starting a family, ultra panic. I’m a creature of comfort and familiarity and anything that throws that off I get anxiety. Notice though how I wrote those experiences with a good memory attached (amazing vacation, love of my life, cute first home) before I got to experience them I was afraid of something about it but now that they’ve come and gone I enjoy looking back on them. Over the last few days I’ve done a lot of reading and I’m sleeping better at night now but I know I’m not completely over my issues and as this pregnancy progresses I’ll find new things to make me worry or be scared of but this article has helped me a lot in preparation for this new chapter. I hope some of you find comfort in it like I did and that it helps you navigate your mind in all this. Just remember to allow yourself room to feel whatever you’re feeling right now and know that you’re not alone or different or bad for feeling that way.
www.google.com/amp/s/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5a24cfc5e4b05072e8b56a98/amp

[ED81]

Hi everyone,
Realise this is a very old post but so glad I found it. Makes me feel so much better that my feeling of "what the hell have I done?!" is normal.
I found out yesterday I was 4 weeks pregnant. This was planned and have been trying to be pregnant for around 7 months or so. I'm 39 years old and this is my first pregnancy. Since the result I haven't been overjoyed like I thought I would be! But rather I've been anxious, worried and with the thought of this will ruin my life! My life and marriage is so nice and I'm so worried that will be forever removed. My husband and I have always been a bit ambivalent about kids but it got to the stage it was now or never.....and if it worked it worked but if it didn't then so be it.

It's obviously worked!! I so hope my mindset calms the hell down. Realise there is a long way to go and that I'm SO fortunate to be pregnant so don't want to seem ungrateful.

Is there anyone on this thread that has been here and has since had there baby? It's a long time ago so maybe not but any advice, recommendations would be very appreciated. Thanks

[Onesmalldebs]

Hi!
Yes, I had my baby back in September and found this thread to be so helpful when I was freaking out in those early pregnancy months. I can tell you now my fears were unfounded. My little boy is here and he’s wonderful. Motherhood is hard, yes, I won’t deny that but it’s the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. My baby was even a horrible sleeper and had mild colic in fact I don’t think he liked being a newborn lol. Those first three months were the hardest of my life but we survived. However, he’s about to be 5 months and things are very different. He’s a happy and adorable baby and I wouldn’t change anything. You’ll be fine too! There’s a lot of joy coming your way just wait. I was worried I’d look back on my old life and resent that I couldn’t have it back. In reality you just pivot and work with this normal but I haven’t had lasting thoughts that I wish my baby didn’t exist. I can’t imagine him not existing now because motherhood is so rewarding and precious to me I feel now my purpose before him was ....I don’t know how to explain ...like empty or without a true direction. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy! You’ll be great! I was so worried I wouldn’t make a good mother but I don’t feel that way at all now. Just take things one day at time and don’t try to push away your emotions right now. Embrace your feelings whether they be positive or negative. Accepting that I wasn’t excited was the first step in my journey. Once I did that I felt free to take the ups and downs without pressure and added stress. This journey will show you that you’re stronger and more resilient than you ever knew and that’s something to be proud of. Finding a “bumper” with other expectant moms for the same month your baby is expected is very helpful in my opinion. For example, I participate in the Reddit group “September babies 2020”. It’s been invaluable having that support and just a place to vent if needed from people who understand.

[ED81]

@Onesmalldebs thanks so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. All of what your say makes complete sense.
Like you say I'm going with my current feelings. I need to validate how I'm feeling and it's only been 24 hours since I had a positive test. I've been on annual leave from work too so it's given me to much time to think. I'm back tomorrow so that should help.
I'm now planning to have the nipt (harmony) to hopefully put physical concerns I have to rest. I want to enjoy this pregnancy but it'll just take time to adjust and that's ok.xx

[ED81]

@Onesmalldebs. I'm so glad that you found that light in the tunnel too. And that things have very much improved. You sound very positive and great that motherhood is treating you well.
Congratulations! xx

[Bumblebee121212]

Hi - I know this was a long time ago but I’m 34, 8 weeks in and feel the same way. I’m terrified even though I’m with a loving partner and we’re financially stable and had been talking about starting to try for kids next year. I can’t seem to get happy about this - just terrified and overwhelmed.

how did you get through it? Thank you <3

[Ellef]

Im around 5 and a half weeks pregnant. I had a missed period and 2 positive pregnancy tests. Called up my dr but the receptionist told me I didnt need to let Dr know and gave me a number to self refer myself to midwife. I called the number ( which was wrong, eventually found the correct one online lol) and basically got asked if I was sure I was pregnant and which hospital I wanted to have the baby in. All felt pretty abrupt. Then the person on the phone made me a midwife app for 5th sept. Two weeks away from now and a month from I made that inital call. By the midwife app I estimate Ill be 8 weeks.

I ended up calling my dr earlier this week as I was having bad carpel tunnel symptoms and thrush ( Id read online these are both symptoms of pregnancy) I told the dr I was pregnant, and she really didnt address it or mention it at all other than to say yes these can be pregnancy symptoms.

I guess I just expected her to ask how I was feeling or to ask if i had any other symtoms, or that the dr might want to see me a basic check up. This isnt a post to slag off Drs midwives etc because I know how hard they work, and how much time pressure they have. Its just its my first time and I have no family around really, and most friends dont have kids. Is this lack of contact at this stage from dr and midwife normal?

[Abee89]

Wondering if anyone is still active on here, I have been the same ever since finding out, just riddled with anxiety, people kept telling me it was hormones im now 18 weeks and I just seem to get worse every day, any advice 😢

[NotGoodPlace]

Hi - yes I just got this post emailed to me. Are you ok? Happy to talk - can you pm me or reply? It will be ok. I was there too.

[Abee89]

Hi @NotGoodPlace thank you so so much for replying! I am going to pm you x

[Anon4586]

Hi! I know this is an ancient thread but seems to have spanned a few years!
found the post when searching ‘pregnant and terrified’
Not sure if anyone is still around and can share how they got on?
Reading through the posts I can relate so much and am feeling like this. It’s got better but I’m still really struggling and can’t get my head around what’s happening.
Hoping to hear some positive stories 😊