29 weeks, feeling very low and anxious

[Monroe]

Sorry if this is long but I just feel I need to get it off my chest. I have just had an antenatel appt with the midwife and mentioned I had not had the opportunity to talk to anyone yet about birth choices etc. Quick background, my first DC was born relatively quickly, within 6 hours but was vontuese (sp?) as after almost 3 hours pushing he still hadn't shown. I then had 2 miscarriages within the last 12 months both of which were handled at the same hospital. My due date for this pregnancy is 1 week before the anniversary of my second miscarriage. Every time I go to the hospital I become very anxious and hate being there. When I spoke to the midwife today she explained that they are only allocated 10 minutes for each antenatel so not really time to discuss anything with me but to make a 1-1 appt with the hospital for a tour. They have made me a routine antenatel appointment which I know lasts 10 minutes so don't feel this would be enough time to discuss anything in great detail and I am also worried about taking up too much time from the midwives who I know are already stretched. My last appointment at the hospital I waited almost 2 hours just to have my bloods taken.
Sorry for rambling but I am just feeling very vulnerable and anxious and struggling to find some support. DH is great and will sit and listen but doesn't know what to say. I know it is probably just hormones flying around and lack of sleep making me feel low, I just really wanted to enjoy this pregnancy as we have been through a lot to get here and will definately not be doing it again.
I need to go to work now so will not be able to check in till later tonight but thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read.

Monroe I'm sorry you're having such a lousy time of late, especially after your struggle to be in the position that you are. I can understand your concerns and needs to get a plan put in place cos then theres some form of organisation, and it's another things off your tick-list.

I remember when I was pregnant with my last 2 children, in both pregnancies I didn't get a 1-1 appointment until about 33-35 weeks.

I think you should ring the hospital back and explain to them that a 10 minute tour isn't what you're after. Explain that you need someone to discuss different birth options with and also someone for to express your concerns to.
It's possible the hospital have misunderstood the reason for your appointment.

I really hope things pick up for you sweetie xxxx

when you phone ask whether they have a Consultant Midwife. If not then the head of midwifrey.

Thanks for your replies. I have thought of contacting the head of midwifery and agree they have misunderstood the reason for the visit as they have written on my notes that I am anxious about the birth which i'm not (yet!). I am anxious about where I will give birth and the type of support I will receive, but I do worry about wasting peoples's time and I know that there are people with worse problems than me.
I think I am just looking for an acknowledgement of my feeling crappy and a bit of moral support! I am also hoping that after a good nights sleep (fingers crossed) I will feel more positive about things in the morning.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and reply

Hi Monroe

I'm a first-timer so have no experience of birth itself yet. However I was anxious about giving birth in hospital and have opted for a home birth. The care has been dramatically better than a couple of my friends have had in the same area. They've seen a different midwife each time, briefly at the hospital.

I've seen a dedicated home birth midwife (whose mobile number I have) each time and she comes to me at home.

I don't know whether you'd consider looking in to a homebirth, but could lead to more personalised care and mean you avoid the clinical experience that's making you anxious?

Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Hi rebecca,
a home birth is definately something I have been considering and is one of the options I wanted to speak to the midwife about before being told they don't really have the time to discuss this with me at an antenatel appointment!
Can I ask how many weeks are you and how long have you you been decided on the home birth?
I have mentioned it often to DH who was originally against the idea but he understands how much I dread going to the hospital and has said he would support me if I decided to go that way. I do feel some apprehension at the idea (due to my previous miscarriages and not wanting to take any chances IYSWIM) but think I would be so much more relaxed in my own home than in a place I have so many negative thoughts about.

Hi Monroe

I'm now 34 weeks and decided on a home birth around 16 weeks. But they don't do your 'home birth assessment' until 36 weeks so you can decide right at the end if you want.

DH wasn't convinced at first, but we've talked to others, looked at www.homebirth.org.uk/ which answers loads of questions.

To be honest I don't think it is good enough for them to say they don't have time to discuss this at your ante-natal appointments - when else are you supposed to talk about it. I'd get the head of midwifery's details, arrange to speak to her and get all your questions answered.

Sometimes it pays to be a bit of a pain - yes they are busy, but it is their job!

Thanks for the info rebecca,
I will be contacting the head of midwifery on Monday and have had a quick look at the website you mentioned and will look in more detail when I get more time.
Feeling a bit better already for having an idea of what to do next, thnanks again