I'm new to this so hope I get it right as this is my first post. I've heard a lot about Mumsnet predominantly on Radio 4's Woman's hour & other press.
I am not a mother & I'm not pregnant. I have a massive decision to make & I feel very isolated & overwhelmed by the magnitude of it.
I have a medical condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome / Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy - in brief I have been in constant pain for 7 years following a road traffic accident. Previously a high-flyer I have had to stop work (now I volunteer as a Princes Trust mentor helping young people leaving the care system & with local social services helping abused & neglected children).
I have to practice pain management techniques e.g. pacing in all that I do & have to take strong medication to help reduce the pain. I have had 2 unsuccessful back operations, have attended 2 pain management programmes, done extensive one-to-one work with a Consultant Psychologist (predominantly CBT), & practice relaxation & stretching techniques everyday plus healthy eating & no alchol.
Unfortuantely I am still in significant pain. However I have battled severe depression & physical injury to claim more control of my life & to make a positive contribution to life. Don't get me wrong, things are hard but I do still laugh & cry like everyone else & my life is not without meaning.
I am now 34 & have been married for a year (we've been together for 10+). Our relationship is strong & has weathered very tough times due to CRPS & life..., he is wonderful despite finding my pain upsetting & frustrating to deal with.
We are now considering whether to start a family. I think that were I well there's a good chance we would have already done so (who know's).
This is a major decision as my pain medication would have to be stopped due significantly increased risks to the baby e.g. one medication I take is know to cause death to the baby in the third trimester.
In the past when I have had to come off of a medication or have had an ineffective medication / significant increase in pain I have become suicidal as the pain becomes unbearable - thus I know I can not manage with no medication at all.
I have discussed the issue with my consultant & he has advised me to go all out to improve my fitness as much as I possibly can before trying to get pregnant & to stop all medications. BUT he recognises that I will need pain relief to which there is only one solution...
That is that I continue to take morphine if necessary (I have been on constant morphine for 3+ years).
The problem with this is that the baby will be born morphine dependant - which make me feel sick to my stomach. This is treatable & it should be noted that there is a distinct difference between 'dependent' & 'addicted'.
There is VERY LITTLE information available about women with my condition having babies, they are usually older women (men too). There is a case study on associatedcontent.com & other bits & pieces BUT even the British Pain Society has nothing!
As a result I feel not only horribly guilty for contemplating giving birth to a morphine dependent child but also horribly isolated. In addition I've asked my GP & family planning nurse if they are aware of extra support I can fall back on if I get pregnant & they said there is none. If anyone reading this has had or is having the same issues I would love to hear from you. If anyone knows who I can access support & information that would be wonderful too.
Please try not to pass moral judgment on me without consideration of all of the facts. There is no long-term negative effect to babies born morphine dependent, although they are sometimes of a lower birth weight. The treatment to end their dependancy involves neonatal morphine being administered 4 times a day for approximately 12 to 21 days. Not all babies will experience withdrawal symptoms & breastfeeding is not at issue - i.e. it is safe.
There is a chance that giving birth could cause my condition to spread / worsen BUT this is manageable with a good birth plan & team but I don't know how to go about putting this into place - ideas would be very gratefully received.
I am aware that a child with a sick parent might have issues when growing-up but I feel I have a lot to offer & that I would be a good mother & that I would strive to ensure my child was affected as little as possible & that they have a rich life full of opportunities. Advice on strategies & things I should be considering would be very gratefully received.
All in all I feel confused & overwhelmed - I have noone to talk to & don't know anyone who has experienced this. I feel guilty for contemplating this & I know the time whilst trying to get pregnant & being pregnant will be very difficult if I can only take morphine. I am terribly dissapointed that there are no sources of support & very little information available & I hope that Mumsnet can help & be a much needed lifeline.
Many thanks for reading.