My baby has an irregular heartbeat and she's big so have to have growth scans. I always have protein in my wee, lots of glucose in my wee, keytones in my wee, highish blood pressure (not massively high), etc.
I just feel very panicky that something is really wrong. I have regular midwife and consultant appointments, and I have yet another scan booked for 2 weeks time. I'm 34+1 now. She kicks a lot and she's head down although she's not engaged. I had a little bit of a show night before last. I get contractions every evening and they hurt. But they fade away at bed time.
I feel shakey inside. I want to go back on my ADs and haven't been allowed them since I was 6 weeks pregnant. Doctors and consultants have refused which in a way I'm glad about as I probably would have blamed them for her irregular heartbeat.
I worry about DS's every whimper. He's 20 mo and he seems to be picking up on my anxiety and that there's obviously something big coming. I feel guilty all the time I'm at work as I don't want to leave him and I worry about everything. I'm terrified he'll get ill or something but I don't know why I think that. I worry that he'll feel left out or rejected because he'll have a baby sister but he's my beautiful baby boy and I'd never prefer one over the other.
I worry anything will happen to my DH or that he doesn't know how much I love him. I worry that I snap at him and I'll make him unhappy.
I'm a contractor at work and it looks as though my boss isn't re-employing me after maternity leave so there's going to be massive pressure on me during the 6 months maternity leave to find a job. My boss can't have kids and she can't even look at me at the moment.
I'm just generally shakey, scared, upset and anxious.
Please tell me why I feel this way.