Will I ever accept that after 7 miscarriages, I can carry No.8 to full term?

[wendywoo2]

After 7 miscarriages, all at various stages, and after numerous tests, saying nothing was wrong with me, 4 years later, I am now 33 weeks pregant, with no help from medication! I never thought I would get here, but I am, and I've not had any problems at all during the pregnancy, it's been really easy.... so far!!
Just wondering, am I normal........?
The reason I ask this, is I still dare not accept that this baby will happen, I've not bought any baby items (incase it brings bad luck), nor have me and my husband discussed names, sorting out cover for my own business etc... I'm just so frightened. I'm frightened that as soon as I start sorting these things out, I'll loose this one too! Am I normal??

congratulations!
no, you probably won't accept it until you're holding that little baby in your arms.
and yes, i am pretty sure that how you are feeling is absolutely normal!

might be worth a small talk about names though i reckon! (i do like a nice names thread)

I understand you you feel. I've had 6 and I'm terrified that despite everything being seemingly alright this time that theres just something awful waiting to happen if I acknowledge it properly. I know I won't stop worrying until s/he is here with us.
If we aren't normal then I'm happy to be crazy with you x

wendywoo after 3 miscarriages i only believed i had my dd when i was holding her in my arms! (Despite rather bulging belly during pregnancy) I felt the same, and had same superstitions ... good luck with the end of your pregnancy and getting to take your child home - its being a long journey for you, but your child has definately decided to come! I think you can believe

Of course that is normal! I cannot believe what it must be like to suffer so many unexplained miscarriages.

I suspect this will be an emotional nine months for you and you wont really accept it until you have that bundle of baby in your arms.

I will be thinking of you.

You'll be so happy when your baby is born and 7 weeks isn't long. Could you ask a friend or family to pack you a hospital bag and get some baby clothes ready. You can really enjoy getting things when you have your little one. Best wishes xxx

Thanks for your kind responses, I think my family and friends think I'm crazy, and keep getting on at me, so it's nice to know others think the same as me and my husband. It's just so that I'm not as pregnancy "optimistic" (sorry don't know how to describe how I feel) as someone who has never had a miscarriage. I have friends who have all there nursery items, clothes, names, pushchairs etc by the 20 week scan, it makes me , I want to be like that, but it'll never happen now! But I'm secretly so so excited x

Totally normal, I can't even imagine how much heartache you've been through to get to this point (I had 3 mcs and that was more than enough).

I echo the others the only point it will sink in is when you're holding your bubba in your arms. I was sobbing to the mw whilst in labour "please, I can't lose this one too!!" she was like, [hmmm] but I only just made it to the hospital in time for him to pop out. Even in labour I was still too scared to believe I was really having a baby and left it a bit late to go in!

Don't worry about stuff, you really need very little for a newborn and your DH can do an emergency day after shopping trip for more supplies. Just get some babygros and vests.

Good luck!

Don't buy anyway if you don't feel up to it...but by 37 weeks will need to pack hospital bag (can a friend do this for you?).

Agree about not needing much stuff, just need babygros, vests, nappies and cotton wool.

Everything else can be bought once its born, (although might need carseat quite quickly?)

When you are ready you will buy a few things. But all of the nursery decoration etc doesn't matter a jot. Just get through the next few weeks in whichever way you can. You are not weird you are a hero. I am in awe of you.

In fact even if you didn't get a thing - the hospital will have nappies etc. I think it sounds great to ask a friend to pack the bag for you though.

Wendywoo - you popped into the recurrent m/c thread and were a great inspiration to us there, but we can fully understand your feelings in this. I think everyone has said everything here, in that this baby does not need anything until it is born. If you can get your dh or someoneelse to pack you a hospital bag, then that is great. But the hosptial will have everything you need for those first hours and your dh can go out with a celebratory purchasing session for everything else.

Allow yourself to feel any little excitement you can, but don't feel bad for when you are not ok to feel it either. You are not strange for feeling the way you do, it is totally normal after so many losses.

Do what you can when you are ready to do it. Cover for your business etc, book holiday time cover, rather than maternity cover if it helps. Don't force yourselves into discussing names unless you feel like it. Do whatever feels right for you and your dh.

And finally - welcome to mumsnet!!!!!

It's no wonder that you feel this way wendywoo, considering what you've been through. I think you have to trust that baby will come safely even if you don't believe it as much as others do. It's a leap in the dark, because you're not used to things working out for you.

You don't need much stuff for babies to start out with but it might be a good test for you to buy something - blanket, outfit, bootees - just to demonstrate your faith that you are going to be a mum!!

Hey, you can do it!! I had 5 mcs and then hardly bought a thing for dd1 - eg. pushchair wasn't delivered until she was a few weeks old. Then had 2 more mcs and now pregnant with dd2 and still cautious even now! Just bought a tiny snowsuit though (36wks) so I think my brain is getting ready to see number 2 as a reality!
Very best of luck for the next few weeks!

Wendywoo - have faith !!!

I lost my first baby at 22 weeks and was devastated - I cannot imagine how you must feel after 7 mcs ........

But I conceived straight away and now have a fantastic 10 yr old DD - and I like you didn't believe she would arrive safely

I bought the minimal - I didn't even have any new born nappies ! but it didn't matter as once she arrived our family all rallied round and bought bits

I'm now 32 weeks pregnant with DS1 after 6 years of trying to conceive and all the old worries returned earlier in the pregnancy -particularly prior to my 20 week scan

But I no I have to be positive and strong and that at this point the cup is half full rather than half empty

Sending you big hugs and lots of positive vibes

xxx

Why not have a look at hypnobirthing? Even if you don't decide to use it in labour I find it really helpful for calming me and just generally relaxing me about the whole pregnancy business.

It has been a long time since my MCs but I remember being pregnant with DS1 and being too afraid to get attached. Hypnobirthing really helped with that. This time around I have had a friend have a stillbirth during my pregnancy. It has helped me to try and let go of some of the fear of losing my baby as well.

Can really help to get your head sorted out.

I've never heard of hypnobirthing, that's something new to me? Is there a website?

But still not sure if I can face looking at that. . . .do you know what I mean? Sorry I sound so pathetic, but it's been my 'comfort blanket' for the last 33 weeks, to deny that I will have a baby at the end of this! This is the only way I've found to cope over the last few years, and not have a nervous breakdown!

Got another scan next week, I have one every 3 weeks, but I know baby is fine, it's kicking me as I'm typing this..... perhaps it'll start sinking in soon?!

I never shook off the feeling that I would lose my babies. I am very lucky and have not, in fact, suffered any mc's. But my mum lost several babies after I was born - two of them at about 20 weeks. I am an only child - have always been aware why - and couldn't quite shake off the feeling that I would lose them .

But both my DDs are alive and well. And I have a good friend who has also had 7 mc's, and has three healthy girls. So hang in there. Agree with the others - it would be sensible to get someone to discreetly pack a hospital bag, without you having to get too involved. And you might have a problem getting home if you don't have a car seat. All the other stuff can wait, if you feel better that way.

Oh - and our daughter didn't have a name for over a week after she was born and no-one batted an eyelid - so don't worry about that particular issue!!