is it unreasonable???

[MichC]

I am pregnant with DC2 and due 28 March. I am planning a couple of nights away with girlfriends in May (14-16). DH has tonight (after being aware of this for a few months)decided to tell me he feels this is too early and he isn't sure how he will cope with DS1 2.5yrs and DC2.

I know DC will only be about7/8 weeks old but I am not going to the end of the earth. Both sets of GP's are on hand and it is the only time the 6of us can make.

I now feel like shit, as though i am a terrible mum wanting to abandon her newborn. But on the other hand i haven't commented about golfing hols and nights out which have left me with DS and pregnant.

Who is being unreasonable??

Surely he will have had just as many weeks to get used to looking after two children as you will have had?

YANBU.

hmm, i can understand a bit

will you be breastfeeding? if so it may be difficult to leave a little one?
maybe he is worried that he will not have the special calming powers that mums seem to have?

or maybe he just feels it is too early in general, and is using the not coping thing as an excuse?

YANBU, but. If it were me being left alone with two that little (and I have as DP works away) I would go and stay with my mum for at least some of the duration. It is so full on when they're tiny that having an extra pair of hands around for entertaining the big brother is most welcome.

Is that an option for him?

BTW, I don't think you're a terrible mum AT ALL. Neither of you are BU. It's bloody hard work; you deserve a break and he'll deserve some help!

How often does he look after DC1 on his own? Perhaps he just need more practice and you should suggest a few nights away so he can look after one child for a couple of days and ease himself into things gently.

Firstly we're due at just about the same time (I'm due on 24th March) and I have DD1 who will be 2.7 when DD2 comes along

It's a difficult one. My 40th b'day is in early May and my 2 best friends and I have been discussing what we should do (their b'days are a few days before mine). One thing they agreed with was that it'd be too early for me to leave a newborn overnight, so a weekend away will not be happening (just yet).

I actually think your DH is being fairly reasonable in giving you a head's up that he doesn't feel comfortable with it...this is not me trying to imply you're terrible Mum, wanting to abandon your newborn, just that men usually feel a bit useless during the first few weeks/month years of a child's life. Of course, equally, neither are you BU to want to go away on your planned weekend, especially as your DH has his own trips away.

Perhaps you could sit down with him and try to understand what his worries are and do all you can to ally them?

Good luck with it all!

i can see both sides, you need a break and hes probably scared. you've said he goes away but how would you feel if he went away overnight when nb is only a few weeks?

personally my mates would be horrified if i wanted to leave my nb and would insist we did it another time.

also have you thought that dc1 might not take to dc2? that could be a very challenging situation and dh will need a hand.

could you tweek you're plans a bit? do you're friends have children? could you suggest that you take dh's and dc? they could babysit 1 night at where ever you're staying while the girls go out for a few drinks but you're still about for majority of the break

Sorry I see his side of it because I would not let my DH go away and leave me with such a small baby and a toddler, esp as the baby is not born yet, you have no idea how easy or how hard it will be. Perhaps if nearer the time and I could see that they were manageable together and the baby is sleeping well then perhaps I would let DH go away but I'd never agree to it now.

Perhaps you can arrange for DS1 to stay with your parents for the few days so he only has to cope with the baby and make sure that his parents are on hand during the day he might agree.

I wouldn't agree to DH going away and leaving me with a 7 week old and a toddler, sorry.