A bit worried that DH won't make it for labour.

[FrozenNorth]

DH works about 7.5 hours away (by train) during the week. He's presently an army doctor, which involves some unsociable hours at times. I'm - possibly irrationally - worried that when I go into labour with DC2 he won't make it back on time. I don't have any family or friends nearby on whom I could call as alternative birth partners. With DC1 I was induced by AROM and the whole process took 6 hours. It meant so much to have DH next to me through it all, and as I get nearer my due date (am about 31 weeks now) I find myself getting more and more upset by the thought of having to do even part of it on my own.

Can anyone offer any advice on how to calm myself down over this? I mean, perhaps my labour will be much longer this time, giving him time to get here, particularly if there's no AROM. Perhaps it's not so bad to labour on one's own - do the midwives spend more time with women on their own? I'm worried that my anxieties will get in the way of my labour progressing, and worried that I will be less able to cope with the pain of labour on my own.

Okay if you read all that, thank you.

Could you afford a doula ? It would give you someone you know and trust with you until your DH got there

Poor you to be preoccupied with this. Assuming you're about to be on maternity leave, any chance you could move to where he is to have the baby if it would set your mind at rest?

It would be lovely if he were there but remember:

This will happen anyway.

You can do it.

You have done it before.

Work out your anxieties before the birth, if needs be, assume he will NOT be there and if he does it is then a bonus. Lots of women give birth alone, you might even be more focussed without him!

Of course, the best thing would be if you were both there, but prepare for it, and know you can do it!

I've been looking for a doula, but the two in my area are quite a long way away (about 30-40 miles), and both are working towards qualification still. One of them is really into natural birth, which alienated me because I'm not averse to the idea of an epidural and a somewhat medicalised bith, and the other is very into 'blessingways', whatever they are .... ! However, maybe I should speak to them. My main thought is what I'd do with the doula if DH was actually able to make it to the birth. Doctors + doulas can be a combustible combination at the best of times, and knowing my DH's lack of tact I can totally see them getting into an argument about homebirths across my prostrate and labouring self
Unfortunately re: the mat leave, I only get 4 months total so was hoping to work right up to the big day - in addition, DH lives on a base in the middle of nowhere, and the army def wouldn't provide accommodation for me, DD and newborn. He lives in an officers' mess room otherwise. Ugh, bloomin' army....

PS - thank you for the sympathy and encouragement. It means a lot just to know that other women empathise with the problem

My DH works away a lot so I too was worried about him missing the birth of my DS. As it turned out, I went into labour 4 weeks early when I was staying at my Mum's (2 hours from my DH who was at home!). DH arrived in time but was sent home from hospital overnight and in the end, I spent the majority of my labour on my own. I honestly believe that I managed better on my own than if he was there. I didn't have anyone to scream moan at so kept fairly calm on my own!

Luckily he arrived for the pushing bit but don't think I really cared by that point.

Try not to worry. As Pfft says, you can and will do it and all will be well . Best of luck x

Can he go on leave say a week before baby is due? I'm guessing the answer is probably a no but apart from that I'm not sure what you can do to ensure he will be there.

Second labours are usually quicker that 1st so I'd be worried too in your shoes.

However, as others have said, you can do it and you will be fine - good luck!