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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

nervous about telling work...

16 replies

MumNWLondon · 04/01/2010 20:13

Totally irrational I know.

Will be 25 weeks this week with DC3 (not really showing!!!) so HAVE to tell them now. Am nervous as i have only been there since March (was made redundant by old employer this time last year, and a client offered me a job). In what I do very hard to find to find part time employment (work three days) and I knew the people (all men) and they all seemed reasonanble people so I took it.

Was TTC when I was told about the redundancy and put this on hold for a bit but got pregnant as soon as we started TTC again!
Will have done 13 months work before I go on maternity leave and I will only take 5-6 months, but still feel bad as its a senior position and they took me on when they have a recruitment freeze, and I am the only person in the company who does what I do. It will not be practical to employ a temp as its quite specialist and would take someone too long to get up to speed to make it worth it.

Anyway they will only have to pay me the statutory amount (and they will be able to get most of this back from HMRC) as I haven't been there long enough for the enhanced package. I don't really care as I got a reasonable payoff from my old place and I went straight into this job without even a day off inbetween, so I put the money away just in case.

Anyway was going to tell them today but my boss was off.

Wish me luck - and any advise on how to word it would be useful.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PoppyIsApain · 04/01/2010 20:15

Good luck and just be honest, they should congratulate you.

lovechoc · 04/01/2010 20:25

congrats, just tell it like it is.

Original poster

MumNWLondon · 04/01/2010 20:35

so am i being unreasonable / mad for feeling nervous at the thought of telling them!?

OP posts:

heth1980 · 04/01/2010 20:37

Good luck! I was in a similar situation and was already about 8 weeks pg when I started my last job (I didn't tell them before they hired me because I had been made redundant and desperately needed a job!) I was only there 6 months before starting my maternity leave. I then asked to go back part-time after my year off and they got their own back by refusing!

All you can do is be honest with them X

fishie · 04/01/2010 20:39

no, don't worry. all these things have to be dealt with, people have babies, get ill, go on hols etc etc.

just prepare yourself for them not to be delighted for you at first, it might be a bit of a shock.

Original poster

MumNWLondon · 04/01/2010 20:45

meant to say my nervousness caused additionally by:

a) my boss is my age, male, married and has decided not to have kids, partially as his dad walked out on him and his mum when he was 5. in recent weeks he had found out his man aged 65 has got him 38 year old girl friend pregnant and boss is going on and on about madness people wanting to have babies

b) person who did my job before me wasn't very good have found loads of mistakes she made, one of my colleagues when giving an example of how lazy she was said "and she got pregnant was soon as she started working here"

OP posts:

notanidea · 04/01/2010 20:55

Be honest and try to explain things rationally and what your plans are. I was in similar position with DD2 after getting one of the sought after position(not well paid but very good academically) They were OK could not find replacement for me but have gone back to work and have worked very hard after my mat leave. Infact they have commented how glad they are to have had me. So what you do at is more important - when you go back.

Original poster

MumNWLondon · 05/01/2010 19:56

arghh, boss now been ill for 2 days, each day i go to work thinking i'm going to say but then he's not there.

as i am 24+6 tomorrow i have to say (don't work thurs or fri) so i guess if he's not in will have to go to HR person - tip for everyone else don't leave this until the last minute.

OP posts:

notanidea · 05/01/2010 21:30

Oh Thats a nuiscance.I sympathesise with you. Can you not go into work on thursday or friday just to tell him admn then go to HR.

Original poster

MumNWLondon · 05/01/2010 22:16

also now worried about snow! maybe will not be able to get there tomorrow???? have nanny so can go even if school closed. have decided that if can't get there will tell him by phone as have his mobile number although would be a bit wierd.

also now panicked as have looked at notes and based on LMP was 25 weeks on monday - based on 20 week scan and when I ovulated 25 weeks on thursday. annoyingly at 12 week scan they put down the earlier date and when i pointed it out (esp as baby slightly smaller than average on all the charts they said they were not going to fix it for the sake of 3 days)... don't have the form from GP yet hoping she'll put it for the later date.

OP posts:

Ozziegirly · 05/01/2010 22:58

I am worried about telling my work too. I work for a very ballsy unmarried woman who is always going on about how she doesn't care about "women's problems" and isn't interested in them at all. Think 1980s stereotype ballbreaker type.

Plus the only other woman who worked here with children was basically driven out by a campaign of ignoring, giving her worse work, constant undermining and failing to promote her.

What joy.

Luckily I am a "favourite" of one of the male partners here and so I am hoping that he will want to keep me on.

They are well within their rights to deny me part time working (even though it would work fine) but I don't want to go back full time.

Ah well, it's a few weeks away yet.

Original poster

MumNWLondon · 06/01/2010 07:37

Ozziegirl - those sorts (ballsey unmarried women) are the worst second only to married women who have no kids and sacrificed their chance of kids in favour of careers so think everyone else should do the same. Male bosses with working wifes (who have kids) or female bosses with kids are generally the best.

re: the part-time working - is there a precedent for this? My SIL works for a big law firm where they made it clear that part time work was career limiting for the women and it "wouldn't work for them". She is currently on mat leave - but knows she has to go back full time. This is her second mat leave, last time she went back 9.30-5.30pm 5 days a week and one of the partners said - well at least when he starts school you won't want to work these reduced hours anymore!

Good luck when you tell them - it is hard in male dominated enviroments..... anyway luckily tube station open so should be able to get to work today.

OP posts:

Ozziegirly · 06/01/2010 08:50

Yes, the partners I work with are;

Unmarried, ballbreaker woman
Married man, with unworking wife
Married man, another unworking wife
Married man,unworking wife, but daughter at law school

I think number 4 is my weak link....

The only precedent they have is the one other woman who has a child who was forced out (and I personally think has a good claim should she ever wish to bring one!).

It doens't look good.

BUT - I am actually rather good at my job, I work hard, bill well and am currently making myself indespensable on some big cases, so I hope this is my strength....

Original poster

MumNWLondon · 06/01/2010 09:23

Ozziegirl - depending on your age and circumstances they may not be that surprised.... and I think they will wait to judge you on how you perform when you get back.

The problem I found is that you get forgotten when you are out of the office on maternity leave, and you can only bill well if the partners give you enough work so if they see that you work part-time (or what they would call reduced hours) you stop getting big jobs, and then its harder to prove yourself and bill well...

One of my friends has made it work (she is now a partner) by working full time including the long hours BUT having extra unpaid leave (basically at no notice) when its a bit quiet - including now they are at school the whole of August), enabling her to spend extra time with her kids. Expensive in childcare though as she has to pay full time nanny regardless of whether she is working.

My SIL agreed with them she'd work one day a week at home and 9.30-5.30pm (they wouldn't agree to part time) but it didn't really work well, she had to go into the office on more than 50% of the days working from home and rarely left before 7pm so her DS was already in bed by the time she got home. But then she got pregnant again (only back there for one year).

I now work in house, its a much nicer enviroment - strictly 9-5 3 days a week.

OP posts:

notanidea · 06/01/2010 09:39

I work in a very male dominated field as well.I was only the second woman they have ever employed. I have always worked full time have two DD. When I go for meetings etc., most of the time they mistake that I am part time and ask me. Once a male boss commented that I have not joined the cohort of part timers -almost always they have wives who dont work,or work part time[hmmm].I was expected to start work at 7.30 and this cachanged to 9.30 when one of my male x boss had a babyAgree unmarried/single ballsey female bosses are nightmare to work.

Ozziegirly · 06/01/2010 09:41

Yes, my best friend works in house and they seem a lot more flexible.

To be fair, I am in Oz and they are much more backward in general with part time working. My old firm in London has nearly half the women there part time and it seems to work fine.

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