What will you do about unwanted visitors??

[mama2moo]

I have a real issue about people just turning up when I have dc2 this month.

When dd was born we had some people just turn up - Not even people we see often.

They seem to turn up, cuddle baby, drink tea then go and you dont see them again.

I have net curtains up at the windows now and have told dp not to open the door unless we are expecting someone.

I want to breast feed dc2 but not in front of anyone so worry I will be in the middle of it when someone comes.

I am actually loosing sleep over this!!

mama, I feel your pain. I am also expecting number 2 and dread the visitors. It will be hard to ignore the door for us as we have a loud 3 yr old who runs every time the bell rings shouting 'come in'.

Dh has decided not to let om I am out of hospital for the first few days. I am also hoping people will be less interested this time.

Thats a good idea of not telling people we are home. Trouble is dp probably will.

I just hate that they come round once and thats it. Plus with it being winter people dont think not to come if they are ill.

Maybe I will move house and not tell anyone!

I have seen people say in the past about putting up a sign on the front ddor, something along the lines of Mother and Baby are resting.

Hopefully it will make people call before coming.

Can you get them to do useful things when they come, eg washing up, folding washed clothes etc?? At least you'll get something in return .

I think it's very rude indeed to turn up without notice to see someone who has just had a baby. I wouldn't send out announcement emails/texts until you're ready to see people if those are the sort of friends you've got

you need to talk to your dh and make sure he know sjust how strongly you feel.

then tell him that if anyone comes to the door just to tell them that actually, you and baby are resting, and would they mind waiting a few more days (and to ring first!)

it isn't a lie, you will be resting (i hope!)

personally i loved visitors, but i'm a bit weird like that lol

When announcing birth via text, facebook, phone I suggest this line is used firmly.

As you can appreciate we need time to settle and We will let you know when we are up to visitors.

Any then any uninvited visitors are told. Sorry not a good time X is feeding the baby and cant be disturbed.

I have told dp how I feel, we arent getting on at the mo though so I dont think he really cares.

He doesnt see a problem with people coming round - But then he wont have given birth, be feeding and running round after dd.

People always say they will help out but then when they get here they sit on their arses and expect tea to be bought to them.

I am having a right old rant today.

onadietcokebreak thats a great line! I wish I'd thought of that first time round. But does it work with the MIL or do the in laws think they are exempt??

mama just skulk off to the bedroom if you can't bear the visitors. Hopefully they won't sit about until you've emerged from resting/feeding etc!

I do feel your pain though!

Put note on front door - mother and baby are sleeping - please don't knock/ring bell.

If the door does go disappear off to bedroom - if they persist open window and shout down that they just woke you up!

You make it clear it means EVERYONE!

Advised a friend when she was pregnant to say it when she texted annoucement and also suggested an afternoon of "open house". I smiled when I got the text announcement and she had taken my advice. Then a week later got a text saying open house between the hours of 1pm-4pm...made me smile again.

My midwife banged on a lot about this in the antenatal classes. Put note on door and NEVER OFFER TO MAKE THEM A CUP OF TEA because then they have to wait for it to cool and drink it and generally outstay their welcome.

She did suggest accepting offers of help though. So unless they come with a casserole or are going to offer to go to the shop for you I wouldn't bother answering the door!

Great ideas. I did think about not offering drinks but then wont people hang on until you do??

Open house is a great idea.

If baby needs feeding while people are here I will go upstairs. I can see myself spending a lot of time upstairs!

Just don't answer the door. Tuwn the ringers on your phone off as well.

If people complain afterwards say you couldn't hear the doorbell or whatever.

Of course this is easier if your sitting room is at the back of the house.

I dislike unsolicited visitors so if I want some peace and quiet I do this now, and I don;t have the excvuse of having a newborn.

When I had ds we made it clear that we were only accepting visitors every other day, some of our visitors had quite a distance to travel so it would have been unreasonable to expect them to leave after half an hour. We also told people that we only wanted daytime visitors which really annoyed dh's aunt and she ended up not coming at all.

I don't know anyone rude enough to turn up without ringing first so unexpected visitors were not a problem for us.

Or just be delighted that so many people care about you and your baby, arrange yourself on the sofa with your feet up and a becomingly coloured rug over you and say with a winning smile "Oh, how lovely to see you. Please make yourself a cup of tea - and could I have one too?"

top answer, seeker!

Don't answer the door to them if they turn up unannounced. Let people know visiting times that are convenient for you, and stick to them. With a newborn to tend to, there is no reason why you should be running round getting drinks for people anyway (Ina May Gaskin says to stay in your pyjamas in order to give people the message that YOU are the one who needs looking after, not the one who should be looking after everyone else).

Sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment, mama2moo. XX

Thanks all, staying in my pjs is a great idea.

Seeker - Thats a good one too! I will be covering myself with a blanket this time. The photos that my parents have of me just after I had had dd are awful. I still look 9 months pg!

I'm 28 weeks at the moment and also starting to worry about this! The in-laws live about 3 hours drive away, we have a SIL with two kids (who literally fought over who was going to hold DS) and mil / fil. SIL last time got the uppity that we asked her to stay no longer than 1 night. Agh, it's so difficult isn't it.

Can you ask your partner to send out a text saying 'dc born etc etc, both mum and baby are doing well but tired. we'll be in touch when we are ready for visitors and look forward to seeing you then'? maybe?

Luckily we dont have people who stay with us. That would be a no no with a new baby.

I think Im also worrying about the time of year. We went to dps dads on Christmas day - 18mo dd and me 35 weeks pg. His dad has been sick all morning and didnt think to warn us that he could have a bug. Some people dont think about that either do they. How can I also put that into text form??

Another great text idea sheep.

I dont think Dp will be at the birth at all now so I will be doing the texting. I will put these in my drafts and then choose which to send!!

One of our neighbours tied some balloons and a note to their gate saying that their baby girl had arrived and thanking the visitors for coming, but that the family were taking the first couple of weeks on their own for the babymoon and to get to know eachother and that they would be happy to receive visitors after that time.

Might give you a couple of weeks grace?

I just didn't answer the door!

Worry worry... I had 2 people pop in unannounced this Saturday and I am only 31 weeks preggers. They woke me up from my afternoon sleep so clearly will think nothing of doing this when I have a baby.

I think the note on the door is a very real possibility for me but hopefully MOST people will think to call first.

Couldn't face staying in PJs all day due to inevitable consequences of being talked about as being "unable to even get dressed!"