It's taken 3 years to get pregnant again, so why do I feel so ambivalent about it?

[MrsMopple]

I've been desperate to have a second child and me and DH were about to start IVF. I found out I was pregnant in December and immediately started to feel guilty about how it will affect ds, who will be just 5 when this baby arrives, all being well.
I have started to think that we should have accepted ds being an only child, as I am now 40 and worrying about everything that can go wrong with the pregnancy and how it will affect my body (I got away lightly with ds, no stretch marks, norks back to how they were before after 13 months of bf).
I just don't understand why I'm in a state of dread, almost, rather than elation. Has anybody else felt like this or am I just a weirdo?

hi
first things first CONGRATS

i think it is normal to feel ambivalent about pregnancy especially if TTC hadnt gone to plan. i started TTC in october 2007 and i was considering giving up after having 4 early MCs during that time. i got my BFP on NY day and i am now feeling very odd about it. i think it is the hope for a successful preg mingled in with the OMG i have a PERSON (potentially) in my body and the WHAT IS DD GOING TO BE LIKE?? AAARRRGGGHHH we cant win can we!! my DD is 4 on friday and will be 3 months shy of 5 by the time this little'un arrives so the age gap is ALOT bigger than i wanted but these things cant be helped. i say enjoy your pregnancy and your DS will be thrilled to have a brother or sister

Congratulation!

I think its a defence mechanism, I was like this during my last pregnany because the pregnancy before was ectopic.

Subconsiously you're worried about losing this pregnancy and so to a certain extent you're detaching yourself

Congratulations!
I can relate to your feelings so well.... I am 9 weeks PG after trying for 3+ years. Was told I was not going to be able to have any others so kind of got on with being Mum to a single only child. I am now pg and feel so weird about it all that i actually sat in bed last night and told my DH I don't want this baby .
I think what memoo said is a factor - its almost too much news and its a way of not getting too attached?
I really hope you start to feel better about it soon, but I am pretty sure that a lot of potential Mum's go through these feeling whatever the age gap between LOs.

right im adament that first trimester hormones do this to most of us. (im one handed typing with 2.5 week old sleeping on me)

i was sames with both, especially 2nd. it wore off at 12 weeks ish.

i was worried about ds too but arrival of dd has brought a lot of excitement to him - its like weve brought a puppy home! dont worry you will feel better when hormones calm down.

Congratulations!

I can totally relate to your feelings. DD was a much wanted and waited for (5 years, 3 operations, 9 months of clomid) child. I had a dream pregnancy, no sickness, no real weight gain, a dream child who slept through from 8 weeks and has been the easiest child on the face of the planet.

We found out that we were expecting DC2 a week before DD's 3rd Birthday, ironically just 2 weeks after an appointment with my Infertility Consultant. This time I have been so ill, uncomfortable and just generally feeling rubbish. I had a long period of sickness and was off work basically from finding out to 14 weeks. My GP was great and said its ok to "resent" the baby, it was a HUGE shock to both DH and I, we had also come to the conclusion that we were going to be parents to an only child even though we were taking steps to have a second one, I had put a time limit on the process after our experience with DD. I have spent the rest of this pregnancy worrying about the impact it is going to have on DD, not to mention worrying about the baby being OK and worrying about coping with a baby who may not be as "good" as DD. DC2 is arriving on 25 January and DD is very excited, she is full of what she is going to teach the baby when s/he arrives.

I think that you need to let yourself come to terms with your pregnancy, your DS will be fine, he will have school to distract him and will be able to help with the new baby. Someone said to me that giving your child a sibling is a wonderful gift.

Good luck and congratulations again!

Thanks ladies!
And congratulations to my fellow newly pregnant MNers.
I think you're right that it'll take a while to come to terms with getiing pregnant, just as I was accepting that ds would be an only. I'm sure that time will sort my head out and here's hoping that everything goes well for all of us