Not feeling much love for my pregnant body...

[blushes]

Please forgive in advance this rather self-indulgent post! I must preface it by saying that I am grateful to be having a healthy pregnancy and well aware that the safe delivery of my much-wanted baby is the most (the only, really) important thing.

But but but... what is happening to my body?! Will it ever be the same again?

I've felt quite happy with my body throughout my pregnancy, fairly attractive and blooming etc. Now at 36 weeks that's suddenly changed.

Despite fastidious (and expensive) Bio Oil-ing, stretch marks have started to worm their way up my belly and breasts. My previously big n bouncy boobs are already heading south, and I've not even given birth yet. My nethers are all weird and swollen. And I can't see how this enormous belly can possibly shrink back to its normal size without some serious/permanent excess baggage.

When I read or hear comments from mums about their post-baby bodies, there seems to be a sort of dry acceptance that they've waved goodbye for good to the days of feeling proud of and confident about their bodies; that breasts and stomachs and vaginas and bums won't ever be the same, but never mind. This is done with good humour, but I can't help but feel that surely there must be a sadness about it too? Or are they genuinely fine about it?

Or is the damage wreaked to your body over-exaggerated, and it is possible to look and feel like you did before kids? I'm so ready to be a mum... but can I ever look like "me" again too?

My partner says I look beautiful, and I know he desires me. But when I walk around naked, he'll often be looking at or even talking to the bump! Which is sweet, but what a change from the old days....

Just having a wibble I guess... Any thoughts from first time mums-to-be feeling the same, or women who've already had kids? Is it normal to be feeling like this? Or am I being a bit, well, vain? Do be frank.

Oh, it is a shock. I'm 29 weeks with my second and yes, as it goes on, unless you're very lucky, you do feel like you've turned into a big, fat panting beached whale and you really can feel "where have I actually disappeared to?" It is alarming and remember the hormones make you feel things like this more intensely.

However here's the good news - I'd actually forgotten completely what all this was like since I was last pg, so it's a shock to me this time round as well, and that's because I did get my old body back in between. Not the perfect body, but the one I recognised. Everyone is different of course but if you are active - which you tend to be when you have a baby/toddler/child - there's every chance you'll get your body back - breastfeeding can help a lot too.

(I can't speak for vaginas as I ended up with a CS but I can give you hope for the rest!)

However here's my tip - do not despair when you look at your body a few weeks or even months after the birth - it usually takes time. But I do think that all that "oooh, madam, my bits have never been the same again, and my boobs are like a pair of old socks" stuff among mothers is largely just competitive self-deprecation and bonding - after all no one is going to sit around saying to other mums "Don't know about you but I'm perfectly pert thanks".

Oh and FWIW, I never did any formal exercise either - just lot of walking around/toddler-chasing.

Well... you can loose the weight, the excess stomach skin really does shrinks back, you can retone the abdominal muscles.... (I had totally flat toned stomach again) and the stretchmarks do fade....

However, breasts - will be a bit more saggy, your stomach may well have evidence of stretchmarks on it and vagina may be a bit different (if you have vaginal birth).

But you'll have a lovely baby and you will not mind too much....

it is normal to feel like that, and i think you're right, we do joke about it because we know there is nothing (short of surgery) that we can do.

you know what? i used to love my tummy and now I hate it. I would have surgery to correct it if i could afford it.
I have lost all my baby weight, but 3 big babies and giant bumps have taken their toll and the saggy skin on my tummy is there to stay. I have hideous stretch marks.

would I do it again? yes! in an instant. I do feel sad that I'm not going to wear a bikini, or that I hate anyone seeing my tummy. But what I get from my children makes up for it

as for boobs- yes, saggier. but a good bra can help that.

vagina and bum- absolutely fine!

You are normal to feel like that. It's not vain to worry about what pregnancy will do to your body. Personally speaking though (I say this to offer some small hope!) I was probably happier with my body after my first baby (I'm preg again now so bets are off about what my body will look like after this time) than I was before it. I did have some residual baggy skin on my stomach, and I did get loads of stretchmarks in the last weeks of my pregnancy, but those faded to silvery white and I don't notice them now. My boobs looked the same as they did pre-pregnancy - maybe not quite so perky, but only so I would notice. My vagina did feel different for a while but I did lots and lots of kegels which has helped.

Immediately after my daughter was born I was appalled by my stomach, which was like a giant deflated balloon slashed with angry red stretchmarks. Also I was forced to admit to myself for the first time that I really hadn't been "all bump", and was about two stone overweight thanks to all the delicious food I'd been cramming into my cake-hole for 9 months (no morning sickness, prodigious appetite). But that came off within 6 months or so with exercise and portion control, and I got a beautiful little girl too! Bonus.

I would say after 1st baby I went 95% back to 'normal' after 2nd same again really.

26 wks again now and not too worried about it

I may be a little controversial here, but this is based on my friends and I.

Yes, your body is not the same after you have had a baby. For me, my breasts are smaller and less pert. My feet are a tad wider, so those shoes previouly that were snug were now simply painful.

But everything else is back as it was. Before I fell pregnant, I exercised and watched what I ate. And once I had DS,I simply reverted back to those habits. By the time DS was 9 months, I was back to my pre pregnancy weight. Until I stopped bfeeding, none of my tops fitted and the last 9lbs refused to shift. All my friends who exercised pre pregnancy are the same. Not carrying any extra weight etc.

My friends who arent quite so hung up on body image (lucky them in many respects); and werent before they fell pregnant are all still carrying some of their baby weight. But they couldnt give a monkeys.

I guess all I am saying is that IME, if you care about it, you will lose it. And your pre pregnancy clothes will fit, no probs.
If you dont care, then go buy a new wardrobe and embrace your new curves. I swear one of my friends is 2 dress sizes bigger now that she has had her DC's and she looks amazing. Seriously sexy.

If you want to look like you again, you will. But you will also find that there are parts of your new body that you like. Relax, once you have your bub, you will honestly come to know and believe that it is all totally worth it!

I think most people go through these feelings at some point in their pregnancy - with my first it was at the end of the first trimester when my clothes stopped fitting but I didn't really have a bump yet, and then right at the end like you, when your body is under a lot of strain and the changes seem almost irreversible!

I did make the decision not to worry about it in the end though, particularly in the first few months after the birth as I had a feeling it would take time. You have so many changes and sleep deprivation to contend with early on, so I found that I just didn't really care at first.

But I found quite a lot of the weight seemed to come off by itself within the first few months - no dieting or particular exercise plan, just breast-feeding and a baby who wanted to be carried around all the time time! As other posters have said, the last half stone didn't come off until I stopped breast-feeding and went back to normal.

Body pretty much as pre-pregnancy after that, other than slightly less tone in the tummy and a tiny bit more skin, but I think I am the only one who can tell. I could have probably done something about that if I had been bothered, but I knew I was going to do it all again so thought I'd wait until I stop procreating first! Boobs a bit smaller but I don't mind that, and lady bits virtually the same (despite episiotomy and stitches) too. Bum fine too.

I think if anything, I was happier with my body after my first baby. I take quite a bit of pride in what it has done, and that it still looks ok (ish). And of course, having a lovely little girl too. I'm now 20 weeks into pregnancy 2 and I don't feel too worried this time. I think it is definitely more daunting when you din't know what to expect.

Ah yes, your feet! Noone told me they might change shape. I was devasted - I had to get new ski boots. My boobs are actually better than before - anything is better than practically flat. I have something to put in my bras now! Unfortunately I do have a c-section overhang on my belly. I weigh about a stone more than I did before, but I put that down to laziness and age.

The fact is that pregnancy and childbirth is not possible without at least small changes to your body. You are probably wondering how there are so many stunning looking women out there who have had children, but if you asked them how they managed to stay looking like that, they would probably be able to point to all the bits of them that are not the same as they used to be.

They are not 'less good,' just different.

As for me, it took me two years of crippling agony to admit I needed new ski boots. I've just got my new ones worn in, and now I'm pregnant again. If my feet change again I will be mightily pee'd off!

Ah thanks ladies- all very reassuring! And good to hear that the notion that you should sacrifice your body on the altar of motherhood isn't widely held!

And yes marineiguana you have a v good point- since when does any woman announce to the world at large that she loves her bod- pregnant or not? Sadly we're much more likely to put ourselves down, whatever size or shape our various bits are.

Oh and I'm esp pleased to hear that stretch marks fade. Bizarrely, they are the thing that gets me down the most!

FWIW, not everyone loses their pre-pregnancy bodies forever. I have had 2 babies now, and I have minimal stretch marks, have my size 8 figure back with a relative flat tummy. A bit of a wobble but baby no2 is only 5 weeks! I can wear a bikini with no problems even now. Admittedly the reason for this is partly due to HG in pg so minimal weight gain (or rather none really). my boobs are bigger than before, as I am bf'ing, and when they shrink, they won't be different than they were before, always small!

The thing that shows that I am a mother now is the hollow eyes and lackluster hair.

So, it is possible to feel good about yourself.

Can I just say that at 35 weeks pregnant this thread has cheered me up no end. I have felt incredibly vain and silly worrying about this but it has really been playing on my mind as I get bigger and bigger and BIGGER!

Thanks blushes and all the ladies who replied - you've made my day!

Yes, it has cheered me up too. I'm 39 weeks and have exactly the same concerns as the OP. I feel like some sort of comedy cartoon character (one of the Mr Men?) at the moment my stomach is so huge. I'm just wondering how on earth the baby will come out and whether the skin will ever shrink back!

Hi, me too. I am 38 weeks and have been worrying about this. I'm really not enjoying this last puffy-faced, beached whale stage of pregnancy having begun my pregnancy an very fit and active size 8.

I was vaguely reassured (and slightly grossed out also) to realise the other day that the 'six pack' I had before I got pregnant was still faintly visable, just that it was now located on either side of my bump.

Oh good, I'm really glad this has cheered up a few fellow waddlers out there!

Yikes re the six pack! But good that it is still there. I was reasonably fit and did regular exercise before getting pregnant. I think it has helped my body to cope with the pregnancy, and I'm determined to get fit again (at some point) after the baby is born. This thread has given me hope that it is doable.

Just one more thing though... having always had a big round bum (which I quite liked actually), I'm sure being pregnant has made it smaller and flatter. This may just be in comparison to the big round belly- I hope so. But if not, and pregnancy has shrunk my bum, I totally wasn't expecting that!

Message withdrawn

re: feet - expanded in first pregnancy never shrunk back and no change in 2nd pregnancy...

no change so far (25 weeks with #3) in this pregnancy.... just a little bigger - so pre-first pregnancy shoes no longer fit..

once i loose the weight after each pregnancy only noticeable difference has been very faint & fairly minimal stretch marks on tummy, and slightly less perky breasts (only noticeable when totally naked). could still wear bikini if i wanted to but prefer swimsuits anyway.

i think a lot of it depends on how motivated you are to get your pre-pregnancy body back. some people are just not that motivated.

"Admittedly the reason for this is partly due to HG in pg so minimal weight gain (or rather none really)."

Pavlovthecat - what does HG mean? xx

Sorry Hyperemesis Gravidara (sp) which is severe sickness throughout pregnancy. Lasts usually until around 17wks or so, sometimes for the entire pg. For me, it was the entire pg (including birth!). SO i suppose for me, i looked and felt so so rough during pregnancy, that now, I feel wonderful about how i look, apart from the hollow eyes, which good make-up hides well!

Thank you so much everyone - at 25 weeks I feel like someone's swapped my head to someone else's body all of a sudden, I'm glad it isn't just me that feels like this!
Not helped by having skin so dry (despite copious amounts of BioOil) that I resemble a very wrinkly iguana...