why am I not excited? I feel like a freak

[sockmonkey]

I'm currently 37+ 5 with my 3rd ( a DD after 2 DSs) and I just can't seem to get excited about the arrival. I was over the moon when I found out I was pregnant (DH was NOT!).

It just seems the closer I get to the due date, the more I am dreading it. I am scared the birth will go very wrong and it will be difficult for me to take care of the other two (and DH)

I am also dreading the lack of sleep, getting up in the freezing cold to feed baby, etc.

Mums at school keep telling me how horrible girls can be which doesn't help either.

I just want to be excited about this baby. I wanted to have number 3 for so long it seems really awful that I want to stay pregnant.

I think any change can be stressful - you know the dynamics of what you already have, but not what is ahead. Sounds perfectly reasonable to be a bit apprehensive! I'm the same now that I'm pregnant with no2, even after losing 2 babies: I want this baby, but have a great relationship as it stands with our little family unit so am nervous about how it will change. It WILL change, that's the only thing of which I can be certain, but that could be a change for the better !

And as for other Mum's comments about having a girl - any child can be challenging at certain stages, I'm sure. But the girls I know of school age are fine - all different, you can't just lump them together and make a blanket statement. Some are quiet and shy, some a boisterous and opinionated. I'm sure the same goes for boys of that age too... I have a DS and must admit to saying to DH the other day that if I have a DD it will put the fear of god into me, but that's because all I know so far is DS (not that I know 'boys', just my own son). You'll develop your own relationship with her as an individual as time goes on and you learn more about her...

Good luck with the birth!

How unfeeling to tell a woman expecting her first daughter that little girls can be horrible . Ignore them and their mean-spirited nastiness. I find that girls and boys can be horrible in equal measure, but mostly they are all gorgeous

I can't really offer any advice, but sounds as if you are in a self-preservation mode regarding the potential hardships to come. In particular I understand your apprehension about the birth itself. Your mood and reactions don't sound at all abnormal to me. Is your dh now more supportive?

fwiw I had dc3 and found it all much easier than first and second time around. Yes there's lack of sleep and lots of juggling of stuff and multi-tasking etc etc. But the positives that no.3 has brought to us as a family makes it all worth it. Good luck.

DH is actually already like my third child. He is happier now about this baby, but seems more concerned that baby doesn't interupt his schedule. He has (jokingly I hope) given me a list of dates that I can't have the baby because it clashes with work stuff.

Mmmm. I think I remember something about my Mum being induced with my sister because my Dad was going away on business the following week (but she WAS overdue too...). Shame you can't just tell the baby when you expect it to come out .

(or obviously when you expect HER to come out, in your case)

Oh people love to be miserable dont they! I think with a third pregnancy (I am pregnant with DC3) you are not so excited because you kind of know what is going to happen. You know you are going to have a baby which you love more than life itself but its also going to be a baby - feeds a lot, screams a lot and lots of dirty nappies and lack of sleep. The illusion has already been smashed

As I had more children I kind of became more aware of what could go wrong too - but if anything it is more likely to go right really. Your body has done this before, you know what you are doing etc etc.

Girls are lovely! Of course boys are lovely too but for a start all children are different and my DD is adorable. My DS is too but in a different way. She certainly isnt the devil child (yet anyway

I am worried about coping. I am worried about needing a c section and having two little ones with a DS who will start school 3 weeks later. I am worried 3 is one too many. I am worried the other two will suffer. In fact these are very similar worries to what I had when pregnant with DD - that DS would somehow suffer. In reality he loves her - adores her even - and has had his life enhanced by her arrival not the other way around.

It will be hard work at first you know that, and I would be worried if you were not a bit concerned. You know the reality now and will be prepared for that. When I was pregnant the first time I hadnt thought much further than the birth and an adorable bundle. I bet you have already thought about the logistics of half the first year with this one.

I am also exhausted already - another baby? Why would I want that ha ha. It will be fine though, they will fit in and I bet in a few months it will be like it was never any different. Remember how hard one child was? And two at the start? I bet three will be fine (she says trying to convince herself!).

I am sure once you go into labour and the days before the excitement will come

Thank you, you are all making me feel so much better.
peppa - DS2 starts school full time next week. I guess you are right, it's because I know whats coming that I'm dreading it.

Feeling very that someone said little girls can be horrible. Maybe their little girls are horrible but my DD (6) is wonderful and was a wonderful baby and toddler.

And its lovely to have a little girl after 2 boys. My DD is the oldest and I have a DS and am pregnant with DS2, but as a mum its lovely to have a little girl whom you can dress in nice clothes, buy pink dollies and paint their nails!

And you have said DS2 starts school next week, perfect timing as you'll have all day with your baby and it will be fine.

The timing is pretty good yes. I can't argue with that.
I guess I am very used to boys. Lots more boys in the family than girls.
It will be a learning experience that's for sure. I've always been a tomboy, so Pink will be a challenge

You'll have no problem getting used to your DD, because she'll be yours.
Once she's here and everything has settled down a bit, you'll wonder why you ever worried.
Good luck with her arrival

All little boys are destructive, wilful, cruel, one-dimensional little bullies.

Do you feel cross with me? Are you seething on behalf of your wonderful boys? Good. Such gender stereotypes are utter crap. Gender tells you nothing about a child other than a biological fact. It doesn't tell you if they're shy or confident, sensitive, gregarious, tall, short, witty, inquisitive, loving, caring, demonstrative etc etc. All children are unique and wonderful and anybody who can so pigeon hole them has missed out on all the joy of creating a truly unique little person. How simple their world view must be.

There's an interesting psychology around having a 3rd. I read something about it years ago and see it on here often. There's an odd mix of fear that it will go wrong and benign indifference. From what I recall it's partly to do with a subconscious belief that you're pushing your luck (please excuse the terminology, I'm not explaining this well). Perhaps a belief that one child worked out well, family unit all good, second child, gosh aren't we a happy family it's all good, third child oh cripes what if this one goes wrong, what if it was one too far. There's the mix of knowing you have more to affect (2 children and a dh and an established family) and also the psychological shift of going from more adults in the house to more children. It's a real leap of faith. And unbalanced too. Sharing things between two, simple, between three, oh it's a different mathematical equation.

What I'm saying, albeit clunkily, is that there are good reasons why you feel the way you do. I think the lack of emotion is more a defence against some of the subconscious fears.

And really you do know the reality. PFB was brilliant. Second born you were more confident and had the joy of introducing siblings, 3rd born, well same old same old.

It comes as quite a shock sometimes I think how much you adore your 3rd after thinking you're so passive about it for months. And sometimes easier because you're quite laissez faire about the whole thing.

You'll be fine.

I am 37 weeks today with DC 2 but I am with you to some degree. People keep asking /telling me that I must be really excited. I keep saying that my first emotion is anticipation/dread is too strong a word but something in that vein. I think its because I know how it will be - lovely but hard work, sleepless nights, lovely but endless feeding, pain no matter what sort of birth I have etc etc and I think even with a supportive DH it will be difficult to manage the demands of a 2 year old and newborn. So maybe what you are feeling is realistic rather than rose tinted ?
As for girls I have two adorable nieces and lots of my friends have gorgeous girls so I am sure she will be a lovely addition to your family.

Love your post gingerbreadfolk. Makes me want a third child!

gingerbreadfolk - I'm glad there is some psychology behind it, and I'm not alone in this.

THis thread has made me feel better! I'm 28 w with DC2 and fully recognise the dread you speak of saslocks. DH is v worried we won't cope and that our little family unit will suffer and I think that worry has transferred to me and is compounded with the reality check you all have already raised. Things are getting better and I'm hoping for excitement at some point though. I think many people are so shocked when you dare to suggest that it's not all bluebirds and roses with a newborn they assume you won't manage - in fact a dose of reality is probably the best thing in the long run. DS is v excited btw and that is helping enormously Good luck