To tell or not to tell - help!

[northlondonchoclover]

Am 8 weeks pregnant, first-timer, so far have told DH, Mother, Father, Brother (he guessed!), Aunt and Uncle. (because we are staying at theirs this holiday)

When is the right time to tell MIL, FIL, extended family, friends, colleagues? Don't want to jinx it!!

Have not been for a scan yet, and the pregnancy still doesn't feel real sometimes.

Should I wait till we see the heartbeat in the scan? Any advise appreciated!

Congratulations!

Personally, I waited until 12 weeks to tell anybody other than DH, even our parents.

Up to you and your DH, but I think it is unfair for your parents and aunt/uncle to know when DH's own parents don't.

I'd tell everybody else after you've had the scan.

Basically, think about having to tell all those people if something did very sadly go wrong. You need enough people to know to support you if anything happens.

HTH

We told parents straight away and I ended up having to tell work at 7 weeks because I was so ill with morning sickness and I needed time off. I'm now 15+3 and have to say that the dating scan didn't make it seem any more real for me!!! Still in a total daze.

I told people whom I would have told if anything had gone wrong, then anyone I was less close to I told after my first scan, which I had at 10+2.

Had a MC 3 months ago, at 5w, and found it very devastating. Told parents about it after MC, so had to tell them I was PG, and had a MC in the same phone call This time I decided to tell parents immediately for moral support in case something goes wrong.

Yes, do think that MIL and FIL should know, but left it up to DH to tell them. He didn't - I think he's taking the route of 'don't want to tell too many people in case something goes wrong'.

Its all so complicated...so tough to keep this secret I'm bursting to tell everyone!!

im in the same situation...havent told anyone apart from work...am 8 weeks saw heartbeat on scan yesterday..do i tell my mum?? and if so before or after xmas...not sure how she'll take it...our relationship has always been quite volatile...xx

Hi emsyj - does 10+2 mean 10 weeks 2 days??

I tell people who would want to help / I would need support from. I would only tell people you can trust to keep it a secret and who you wouldnt mind telling if things went wrong. I wouldnt tell extended family / friends who are not close yet. I also wouldnt tell work unless you have to.

Saying that there is no reason to assume that things will go wrong at all . Sometimes people can be a bit funny if you tell them early which isnt nice for you.

I agree with peppa actually. I have told one other person apart from DH (I am 5+2) as I needed to ask about obs and hospitals etc.

She was pleased but also cautious as it is so early (which I appreciate).

I think you have to realise that if you tell people early they don't tend to be just thrilled, but will always have to tell you how risky the first trimester is as if you don't know.

If you wait until 12 weeks people can be more straightforwardly thrilled.

I'm 12 weeks 5 days and haven't told anyone yet, except DH of course . We're telling my family and DPs family on Xmas Day. .

I know what you mean.

With dd1 we didn't tell anyone until the 12 wk scan.

With dd2 we had to tell the ILs as we were in Austraila on holiday with them but I had an early scan at 8 weeks. I told my sister too as felt wierd her not knowing when the ILs did. The only reason I didn't tell my own parents then is because they were on holiday and we didn't see them until a fewdays before the 12wk scan so easier to wait.

This time I only told one friend but like northlondon I had to call my sister and tell I was pg and thought I was losing the baby all in same call which was awful

Luckily all is ok and I'm now 8 weeks and we have now told everyone as I will need their support if something goes wrong. Also hard to avoiod alcohol over xmas without someone guessing- and I already have a very mini bump!

If you can wait till 12wks I would. If you have already told one set of parents tell the other.

ps- yes the +2 bit means days.

Im 11+1 and still havent told my own parents as im too scared! We've told MIL and DP's siblings and they were all so thrilled.

Considering not telling my parents at all...

Girlsyearapart - so happy for you that it all turned out ok after your scare. And congratulations on the mini bump! I have one too (although might just be because of the indiscriminate pigging out in my case hahaha)

My mum and aunt have been very supportive about the pregnancy so no regrets about telling them. My SIL didn't tell anyone besides her mum till after the first trimester, which is probably more sensible I guess, but for me too lonely Its quite fun to have company looking maternity wear websites. Hope I'm not jinxing it but just too excited!!!!

DH has decided to break the news to ILs on Xmas day. He is warming up to the idea of becoming a dad and being very helpful at the moment (fetching a drink, helping out in the kitchen)

Can you lend me your DH then? Mine is being useless!

big turnaround - never used to lift a finger! we'll see how long it lasts!!!

I didn't tell anyone at all until 15 weeks and would do the same again. Pregnancy feels long enough IMO without the world watching and waiting for you to pop ready to give you every wives tale, nonsense and unwanted advice going. It makes it shorter if you tell people later IMO.

I know people that have suffered MCs that have waited until after the 20 week scan to tell people - even their own parents and best friends.

Oh and I only told my parents at 15 weeks. Everyone else like work and friends was after 20 week scan.

I am 6 weeks tomorrow and have told everyone. If anything bad happened, I wouldn't want to have to act like the baby didn't exist to everyone, so if the worst happens I will deal with it then, but I don't live my life by 'what ifs'.

My husband's boss did say 'oh, is she 12 weeks already?', and when hubby sai dno he sai d'oh, goo dluck then', but he can sod off quite frankly. This is my fourth baby and I've had no problems before, plus it is my business when I tell people.

thanks ladies for your advise.

Its all over for my little bean though, had a MC yesterday. DH and I are very devastated but it was fortunate that the family that we told were very supportive.

Best of luck to all of you

x

So sorry to hear that.

x

I'm really sorry to hear that, I hope you're OK.

Sending you hugs xxxx