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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Horrible Doctors Appointment!

13 replies

midori1999 · 21/12/2009 16:15

I saw my GP (only the second time I have actually got to see my own GP, I usually see another doctor at the surgery) this morning, for what was a 'booking in' visit I suppose, although I think the midwife will do book me in properly.

We live in Northern Ireland now, and this is my first baby here (I already have three children) and I found the whole appointment upsetting, tbh.

First of all he said 'Oh, a post Afghan baby eh?!' in what I considered a rather condescnding way. (it is common for forces families ot try for a baby when the husband has just got back from a tour)

My youngest son has Downs Syndrome and when the doctor asked I said I just wanted routine scans and no screening tests as I wouldn't have an amnio and wouldn't chose to terminate because of Downs, and so didn't see the point as I feel the screening tests could cause me to worry when I don't need to. He then said he'd get me booked in for a Nuchal scan ASAP really. (I am only five weeks now)

I also felt I had to mention I had had a termination just after my youngests son was born, as it is a part of my medical history and also it was a twin pregnancy. The doctor then asked my why I had decided on a termination. Well, there were quite a few reason, it is something I never thought I'd do and almost six years later I still find it very hard. I almost burst into tears in the surgery. Surely it's not relevant why I made that decision?!

Anyway, I am left feeling bewildered really. I usually stand up for myself well, but I am over-emotional and have bad morning sickness at the moment, and just sat there in a daze...

Obviously I want an early/dating scan, but if I say I don't want a nuchal scan, will they refuse me any scan at 11/12 weeks? Second scans are 16 week shere, I am not sure if that is all they usually do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheMightyToosh · 21/12/2009 16:23

How horrible! I had similar experience early in my pregnancy. Not a similar history to you, but a different medical issue, and I am also usually very able to stand up for myself, but was reduced to tears on this occasion.

I blamed the hormones and the attitude of the doctor, and you should too (i.e. do not blame yourself).

I would get booked in with the midwife as soon as you can. She is likely to be much more understanding of your situation without the need for all the questions and judgements. I would try to write this one off as a bad bedside manner on your GP's part.

Congratulations on the baby anyway!

VeronicaCake · 21/12/2009 17:21

Don't know about NI, I asked for a dating-only scan though and nobody batted an eyelid about this - loads of women have them.

It does sound like the doctor was tactless, but with any luck you'll see the midwife from now on. I think GPs now do so little routine antenatal care that they can be a bit clueless both about how things work, and also about how to reassure and support pregnant women. My Dad is a GP and keeps ringing me up with advice which directly contradicts that of my midwife like I should eat plenty of liver and take minimal exercise. Mind you that might just be him, I dislocated my shoulder a few weeks ago and he advised me to do lots of chin-ups to strengthen the arm and to spray WD40 on the joint because it would irritate my skin and distract me from the pain. Perhaps he should retire.

mistletoekisses · 21/12/2009 17:39

OP - sorry you found the appointment so upsetting. It does sound as though you have a rather 'to the point' GP. That combined with pregnancy hormones makes him appear rater tactless.

I have to say however, that his questioning around the abortion could be seen as pertinent?? Maybe he just wanted to know where you were emotionally/ whether there were physical reasons for it? Obviously, he has upset you so that is not great.

Re. the nuchal scan. In my PCT, it coincides with the main first scan. Dating/ nuchal scans are most accurate around 11-13 weeks so that scan is fairly standard. Then another at 20 weeks is the norm. I would go for the scan when it comes through - it would be nice to see your bub wouldn't it?

Congrats on your pregnancy and please forget about the appointment.

FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 21/12/2009 17:41

I am sorry you feel upset but I do think it could be relevant why you had a termination when you find yourself pregnant again. The post Afghan baby comment was probably him just trying to chat.

IckleJess · 21/12/2009 17:57

I'm sorry to hear that you were treated that way.

With regards to the termination - you do not have to tell anyone that you had one, even though it is a part of your history. As long as there were no medical complications etc then they do not need to know so you do not have to tell your midwife and risk having to justify your reasons again if you do not wish to.

Original poster

midori1999 · 21/12/2009 18:03

Thankyou.

Maybe I was being over-sensitive, but terminations are still illegal over here, and there is also a lot of 'anti' English/forces still. In fact, so much so that one of the maternity hospitals is a complete no no for us. (not everyone, I have some lovely friends here, but it is something we have to be careful of)

I suppose I didn't think at the time that the termination could have been for medical reasons, but it might have been a bit more tacful if he had asked if there was any medical reason for it. I never talk about it, and obviously being pregnant again hs stirred up an awful lot of emotion. I was probably over-sensitive.

OP posts:

mistletoekisses · 21/12/2009 18:05

icklejess - I have to disagree with you. When it comes to pregnancy, medical history (esp abortions) are actually pertinent to subsequent pregnancies. Because they may (in the same way that things like delivery via csection do) impact subsequent pregnancies.
So the medical team should know. Not all complications are obvious immediately after any medicalised procedure.

ShiriDoula · 21/12/2009 18:09

I disagree with IckleJess- it is of great importance (for medical/attending staff) to know exactly how many times a woman was pregnant and how many times she gave births or had abortions. I too think he could have done it a bit more tactfully, and a little less trying to be funny (with the post afghan thing).

ShiriDoula · 21/12/2009 18:10

and for the second time in this thread- I totaly agree with mistletoekiss- well said!!

IckleJess · 21/12/2009 18:15

Well, at my booking appointment a few weeks back my midwife asked about my previous pregnancies and said 'including any terminations you may wish to tell us about, you do not have to if you do not want to though'.

So, I am only going on what a medical professional said to me, sorry if that is incorrect.

MumNWLondon · 21/12/2009 18:51

Book in for the scan. When you get there just say you don't want them to do the nuchal measurement.

mollybob · 21/12/2009 19:03

As a female GP in NI I would recommend you see a younger/female GP if you want one who knows anything about pregnancy and would hopefully be less judgmental (no guarantees though) but my male colleagues visibly pale at anything obs or gynae related and most people did train here so have never come against terminations - as others have said the staff dealing with your pregnancy will need to know about all your pregnancies but hopefully midwives will be a whole lot more understanding. Where are you? If this practice is very judgmental I might be able to recommend a more reasonable one. Good luck x

bigpreggybelly · 22/12/2009 10:06

Your doc probably merely wanted to know if the termination was for any medical reason so its not an unreasonable question for them to ask. You probably won't see them for the rest of the pregnancy anyway because the midwife will take care of anything. Forget it and let it wash over you.

As someone said above, I would book in for the dating scan and then when you get there just say so if you don't want the nuchal space measurement done.

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