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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

First Pregnancy, I'm due in August 2010... none of my friends have children

20 replies

RachelParker · 20/12/2009 21:59

Hi,

I'm 26 years old and pregnant, I'd be lying if i said it was planned, but my partner and i have been together for 5 years and we're both really excited. We had talked about children a lot over the years so the baby is wanted - just arriving earlier the anticipated!

I really don't think that 26 is that young to be having a child, but in London people seem to have children and none of my friends have children, so i'm finding it hard to talk to them about things, is anyone else in this situation?

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thisisyesterday · 20/12/2009 22:05

i'm not now, but when i had my first i was.
i had him when i was 24, and was the first of my friends to have a baby (he was unplanned too) and it was weird.
i found my priorities changed a lot, and some of my previous friendships suffered a bit.

but, i also met a lot of new friends, so now I kind of have a pre-baby set of friends and another set of just baby friends.

it helped me to get out and about finding groups for new mums and mums-to-be (the NCT often run these), I also visited a local breastfeeding cafe as I was planning on breastfeeding, and I met some nice people there.

and there's always the internet!!!

JustGettingByMum · 20/12/2009 22:14

Congratulations!

Once your friends have had time to adjust to this big change, the ones worth keeping will be full of support for you. Plus you will find that as the pregnancy progresses you start to make extra friends at NHS ante-natal classes and NCT (if you decide to do their classes too).

Plus, there's still mumsnet.

Portofino · 20/12/2009 22:23

I was 35 when dd was born and I was in exactly the situation. Well friends had children but they were teenagers! [came in very handy for babysitting

Pre and post natal groups were great. Plus I found that friends were quite happy to accommodate a baby. Also, I started a bit of a trend. There are about 10 babies now in my group of friends ranging from 5 - 0.

Hopefully · 21/12/2009 09:51

I was the first of my group of friends to have a baby - I was 25 when I gave birth (planned baby).

It was really weird, and I think some things were more difficult and scary due to not having close friends to talk to about all the little things, but MN was a fantastic resource, and when I finally got it together enough to go to baby groups (when DS was about 8 weeks), I met a bunch of lovely women and became good friends with a couple of them.

Definitely recommend ante natal groups of some form (I didn't do this and slightly wish I had), and attempting to get out to baby groups when you're feeling a bit recovered after the birth!

first1 · 21/12/2009 10:49

Firstly, congrats to you!
Oh so nice to hear I'm not alone! I'll be only 22 when baby is born. Although soo excited about meeting her now, she wasn't planned. I was due to start an MA course just one week after I found out I was pregnant. I only have one friend with a baby, an 11month old, but she lives quite far away and we don't see each other from one month to the next. I'm looking forward to starting antenatal classes to meet some people in the same boat.

HerbalHolly · 21/12/2009 11:49

Hi RachelParker congratulations!
I'm in a similar situation: I'm 25 and my partner and I had planned to start trying for a baby next year or maybe the year after but the baby had other plans - I'm due in August 2010 too! I don't have any friends with babies so I imagine it might get a bit lonely. However, I'm hoping to meet some nice mums to be in a yoga during pregnancy class and in various antenatal classes (when i get around to checking them out). I'm looking forward to being a stay at home mum but I agree it's weird when none of your friends are in a similar scene.
Best of luck.

possiblenewmum · 21/12/2009 18:39

Hi Rachel

This is my first pregnancy too and i'm also due in August 2010 although i'm 4 years older, only 1 of my good friends has kids, her youngest is nearly 2 but everyone else doesn't so i'm hoping to join NCT classes in due course to get to know people at the same stage as me. I'd be happy to keep in touch.

evanshayleyleanne · 21/12/2009 19:34

When i had my dd i was in this situaition, and i remember i felt so alone. However the people who are true friends are interested in what you have to say and what is going on in your life no matter if it is not a refection of their own lives. i found that my friends, although they did not have babies( and no interest in having any!) really supported me. they indulged me in my endless rants about nausea, stretch marks, labour, etc and were just as excited as my husband to feel that little bump move. My dd has many Aunties and Uncles who, whilst have no children of their own, love her and shower her with affection. And when their time does come they'll have had a little peek at what to expect.

Northernlebkuchen · 21/12/2009 19:57

I was 21 when dd1 arrived - we were years ahead of our friends. What everybody else has said is absolutely right - you find new 'baby' friends and keep the good friends you have as well. Our friends have always been great with our kids and now they are all pairing up and producing offspring themselves I have a certain glow of smugness experience with which to warm them - I hope!

somanyboyssolittletime · 21/12/2009 20:12

Congratulations! I was in exactly the same situation - first, unplanned baby at 26, with no friends with children.

I am so glad it happened that way now - I met the most fantastic group through my ante-natal classes who are now some of my closest friends. My existing friends absolutely doted on DS1 and he was spoilt rotten! Also, I had no pressure from anyone about how to do things - I was the 'expert' (I wish!!)

You will be absolutely fine - of course, your life will change when you have a baby, but it doesn't stop you going out, meeting up with friends etc. They will all be envious of you!

BunnyBaby · 21/12/2009 23:05

Congratulations, pop on over to the ante-natal threads where we have a chatty group all expecting in August

bexaa · 21/12/2009 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TishTosh21 · 22/12/2009 09:52

Ill be 20 when mine is born next July, this baby is very very wanted, my friends from school are at uni so dont have children but friends ive made through DP who is 24 have children so i dont feel like im the only one i know having a baby young. I think the only thing that matters is that the baby is wanted and will be loved.

tiredfeet · 22/12/2009 23:46

just because they don't have children doesn't necessarily mean they won't be happy to discuss things and join in. My SIL has a child now, and we are really close and all the way through her pregnancy and early days we chatted about what she was going through and I supported her. She handled it really well though, not being 'smug' about going through an experience I wasn't going through, not being patronising, which might have alienated me. I'm in mid/late twenties and really broody but a very private person, so my friends would not know this (they certainly don't know we're trying to conceive but struggling). I would love it though if they were pregnant and chatted to me about it. In my experience mums often assume non-mums won't be interested and exclude them from conversations. So what I am saying is don't assume they won't want to be involved, they could be a great source of support, some of them at least. My SIL now has a regular(and free) baby sitting service as a result of just keeping talking to me and confiding in me!

northlondonchoclover · 23/12/2009 21:18

Hi Rachel

I am in a similar situation although I am older at 32. Due in Aug 2010, and many of my close female friends are either still single or without children! It just seems a bit crazy to be going on and on about how much i'm eating, miscarriage fears and so on with friends without children so I know exactly what you mean.

Hope to meet other mums-to-be on this website to exchange experiences and just to have a chat with others in the same boat

tispity · 28/12/2009 20:57

yes, i can relate to that; i had dd at a similar age but you are always going to seem too young within your London NCT circle! however, once you have the baby and start attending the clinic for weighings you will notice mums in school uniforms and realise that somewhere in the middle is prob the best age!

babytinkabell · 29/12/2009 13:12

Congrats on the pregnancy first of all! I first fell pregnant at 19, totally unplanned although my dh and I stayed together and have been together ever since (8 years). I was the first of all my friends to have a baby and to be totally honest some of those friendships did not last. However I have since made new and possibly better friendships. One of my closest friends was a girl I met at ante natal classes and I have several good friends who i met through my kids, parent and toddler groups, playschool etc. Some of your friends may not understand that your priorities will be different from now on and thats their problem, not yours. My best friend from school stuck with me through everything. She is godmother to my oldest child and we are still close. Try not to stress too much. true friendships will last and for those who choose not to understand then you have to question whether they were real friends in the first place.
One of the friends I had lost touch with got in touch with me when ds was a year old. She was going through an unplanned pregnancy and was looking for advice lol. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

lovechoc · 02/01/2010 16:11

I was in this situation three years ago and it is difficult because you change as a person when you have your baby and you won't have much to talk about with those friends you have/had. your priorities do change, and it's difficult for them to understand that you can't just go out when you fancy it, you have this little person to care for. things are never the same again.

best to make new friends who are in your situation, this is what i did and it makes a world of difference.

congrats

pippaNnippa · 02/01/2010 17:06

My first DD was born in July and I'm 26- the first of my friends.

Don't worry- all of my close friends remain friends. They visit me loads and can't get enough of DD! In fact they like bouncing work ideas off agiainst me as I am neutral and give clear advice. The only thing that has changed is we meet for lunch instead of ddinner and I have a baby on my knee.

Just because you have a baby it doesn't cut you off from all of your friends- but it does give you access to loads of new mates.

Mum and baby clubs are BRILLIANT! you get advice and get to know people.

pigleychez · 02/01/2010 18:53

I was the same. I was 27 when I had DD (planned) and the first of our main group of friends to have kids. In fact the first to get married too! One more set are marrying in April and I am due number 2 in May so way way ahead of them all!

There have been certain occasions that we have had to miss out on but mostly DD (17mths) has come along too. She has been Horseracing with us all which was great fun!
Everyone has been fine with her, although not quite sure how to deal with her when she was tiny. Now shes older they love playing with her.

The friends getting married in April have been busy picking our brains planning the wedding as we have that experience and have already said they will be wanting our help/expertise when its there turn for babies too.

I had no baby friends before DD but made lots when she was born. I went to mother and baby/toddler groups and found them good for advice. Join in on the Antenatal groups on here too.. I have found them great

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