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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

dumped at 30 weeks. what do i do now?

32 replies

jellybean86 · 20/12/2009 20:55

he says he doesnt love me anymore. and has had doubts for the the last month

so ive packed my things and left and im now back at my parents house 15 miles away.

i feel like such a failure, lost, upset, angry. i really dont want to me a single mummy.

what the hell am i going to do? where am i going to live? how can i afford to live?

:-(

OP posts:
maledetta · 21/12/2009 15:59

Oh my God jellybean, I am so sorry to hear this. Big hugs. What a wanker- that's terrible timing.....honestly, a week before Christmas and 10 weeks before the birth- hardly gives you time to adjust, does it?

I don't know how he's going to live with himself.I wouldn't be surprised if he came back with his tail between his legs, but maybe a burst of healthy anger and "I don't need the twatface anyway" thinking would help you right now....Got any possessions of his you can destroy, for a start?

At least you have the support of your family.Hopefully they will wrap you up in cotton wool and feed you lots of lovely food over Christmas...

We have a thread on "Lone parents" at the mo. called "Pregnant and doing it on our own".(can't work out how to make a direct link, but it's quite current...).Lots of people have posted supportive, positive stuff....Come and join us!

On the practical side, you and the baby won't starve. You should get your statutory maternity pay until 6 months; if not, you might be eligible for maternity allowance. Child tax credits and benefits are pretty generous, too. Basically, the state says you should have a minimum of £134-something per week for you and the baby to live on...that's plus rent. The only problems could be if you are paying a mortgage or loan repayments or something;-obviously they don't take that into consideration.

(Just writing this, though, makes me realise that you really need to do some research based on your own particular circumstances, as what you're entitled to varies so much based on that).

And good luck, good luck! Probably you're not even in a state to pick yourself off the floor just yet...just keep yourself safe and warm over Christmas- talk to you soon again hopefully...xxx

incandescent · 21/12/2009 16:27

aw, jellybean, what a terrible shitey thing to happen. but believe me you would be feeling a lot worse if you didn't have darling little one inside you. in just 10 weeks' time you're going to meet the real love of your life. anything you felt for your ex will be eclipsed in an instant. this baby will make you happy, regardless of whether or not the father is your partner.

i went through my pregnancy alone too, and also moved back with my mum and dad. at first i was very to be relying on them after being so independent and now in my mid-30s, but living with them has been brilliant. i'm now super close to my mum and they are so glad they have their little grandchild living with them.

i have never once felt a failure since becoming a single mother. it's been the greatest and loveliest experience of my life. you will be fine xxx

jellybean86 · 21/12/2009 18:17

Thanks everyone, well mostly everyone.

He is a wanker, and there is alot more to say which has happened which i havent mentioned.
The phone call i got sunday, saying 'if only you know what ur bf had been up to', him putting a pin on his phone - which he hadnt ever had, the never leaving his phone in the room with me. If he went to the toilet, shower etc so did his phone. He would never answer the phone in front of me. It if was withheld all of a sudden he wudnt answer these calls anymore.

Then there was a time when i was petrified of his brother being in the house (he didnt live there), because one day he came around starting attacking my DP, nearly throwing him down the stiars,smashing out bedroom door in, threw a brick at my DP, jumped on my car and hurled masses of abuse at me, and threating to 'get me' when it was reported to the police. DP shouting at me for being scared and calling me pathetic( i think i had every right to be)

The time he left me at a wedding because he didnt like some of my friends.

Do i need to say more? Oh yeah and today he didnt even help me move 2 car fulls of stuff. Not helpful in the snow, bad ice and when the car isnt exactlyy close.

OP posts:
MummyTumble · 21/12/2009 18:33

In that case you sound better off without him!

Hope all goes well with baby and the future

monkeyfacegrace · 21/12/2009 18:48

Hiya Jellybean, Im the same age as you, and have 2 kids and dont live too far away. Ive been through a shitter of a breakup too, so if you ever want to meet up and have a chat just let me know x

clam · 21/12/2009 18:52

So.......erm..... is it a possibility that there's someone else? His brother's wife, for instance?

(Sorry to mention the idea)

jellybean86 · 21/12/2009 18:54

nah not a chance he brother is single and as much as a twat as him. he left he ex when she was pregnant. it must run in the family. glad i werent married to the arse!

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