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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I'm seven months pregnant. I work full time. I have a three year old and I am SICK of dh being the one who gets to be "tired" all the time.

23 replies

oranges · 14/12/2009 19:40

Grrrrr. Just had to rant. I delivered a freshly dressed, cheerful toddler for him to take to nursery this morning, even though I'd ben up all night throwing up and coughing. I went to have a bath before work and came down to find ds in tears and dh sighing that he's so tired. As you were.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Cazzr · 14/12/2009 19:44

Quick answer: MEN!

I still remember my mum telling me DH had said to her "I can't cope without my sleep" when DS was a few days old and I was doing all the night feeds as BFing. rolls eyes
Just tell him he can have the next baby.

Original poster

oranges · 14/12/2009 19:50

I just texted him to say if he' not cheerful when he gets from work, I'm commiting violence and blaming hormones in court.

OP posts:

peppapighastakenovermylife · 14/12/2009 20:32

I have never forgiven mine for declaring he was soooo exhausted by it all when DS was 1 week old. Apparently he missed a nights sleep when I was giving birth

This was despite him sleeping in the spare room since the birth, getting full nights sleep, DS doing nothing but breastfeed so he was just off work watching tv and him going home after DS's birth for a nice long sleep from 4 am til the afternoon

If roles were reversed...

expatinscotland · 14/12/2009 20:35

I'm glad I'm not married to anyone that inconsiderate.

I wouldn't dream of treating DH like that and he wouldn't do teh same.

Last week, he had a 24 hour bug and spent the night throwing up, literally.

Unfortunately, so did DD1 and DS.

But I got up all night, changed sheets, cleaned up vomit, etc.

He did the same for me when the bug struck me.

No 'I'm tired'.

Want an easy life, don't have kids.

TheOldestCat · 14/12/2009 20:39

I am also seven months pregnant, work full-tim, have a three-year-old and am poorly at the moment. But am being kind to DH since he gets up at 4am everyday for his commute so I don't have the moral high-ground on tiredness.

We do find ourselves engaging in 'competitive tiredness' come the weekend mind you.

MumNWLondon · 14/12/2009 20:54

I asked my DH.

He thinks DHs are entitled to complain as they like complaining and probably are tired BUT they should do their fair share in the house/helping with kids.

That being said he thinks he should be able to go skiing for 4 days when I am 7 months pregnant and leave me with the kids (I work & would have to get the kids (3) and (6) up and out to school for 8.30am before I could go to work, plus a weekend by myself).

Deemented · 14/12/2009 20:56

Oh i so know the feeling - see my 'Doing too much' thread further down...

YanknChristmasCrackers · 14/12/2009 21:10

It's the dramatic sighing that does my head in. I never get as close to violence than when DH goes all drama queen about how shattered he is, when I've spent all day with a clingy BFing 16wk old and still managed to do dishes, laundry, and cook something nice and healthy for dinner.

Last night he woke me up because he couldn't stop coughing and itching. So had to troop round the house and find strepsils and benedryl. I HAD been sleeping through it (after taking ages to fall asleep), but he was feeling particularly sorry for himself so thought he needed to share.

whomovedmychocolate · 14/12/2009 21:14

I used to yell YOU ARE TIRED, I'M GROWING AN ENTIRE FUCKING PERSON IN HERE while gesticulating wildly at my stomach

expatinscotland · 14/12/2009 21:17

'That being said he thinks he should be able to go skiing for 4 days when I am 7 months pregnant and leave me with the kids (I work & would have to get the kids (3) and (6) up and out to school for 8.30am before I could go to work, plus a weekend by myself).'

Mine wouldn't have even thought of going.

And if he had, I'd have told him to go fuck himself.

releasethehounds · 14/12/2009 21:26

I think a lot of us put up with this from our DHs just for a quiet life, whilst inside we are secretly seething. Truth is, I believe the vast majority of men wouldn't know tiredness on our scale if it hit them; obviously I'm not referring to expat's lovely DH .

DH & I both work but it still falls to me to do everything else, with his work being the general reason not to do his share. His work sometimes means working into the early hours but I always make sure he doesn't have to get up early the next morning. I don't remember the same consideration given to me when I went for 8 weeks straight with no sleep after DD2 was born. Somehow, tiredness resulting from children, housework etc doesn't count (even with extended family members). Anyway, don't start me.....

Original poster

oranges · 14/12/2009 21:36

well, the threat of violence seems to have worked - dh has come home upbeat and is now washing dishes and generally taking charge. can;t believe the ski trip

OP posts:

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/12/2009 21:42

It does not change when the second baby arrives and you are feeding 2 hourly through the night, i am afraid to say Although i am experiencing DH saying it much less, just sighing and yawning more. I tend to threaten violence if he yawns, or suggests he is tired if i dare to say anything.

Cheek of them.

Congratulations btw, to give you a positive to cling to. No matter that the men can't cope, we women can, and it is so so worth it!!!

And, i am for now at least findng it easier with a 3 year old and through the night feeding of a 2 week old, than I was with a toddler and constant vomitting/indigestion/backache/muscle pain .

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/12/2009 21:45

I also had the 'people do not understand the impact of pregnancy on a man, its not easy for us you know, dealing with your hormones, sickness etc, its hard'

That too used to end in violence...

YanknChristmasCrackers · 14/12/2009 21:46

Hi Pavlov! Congrats on the birth, I didn't see the announcement I guess! Seems like only yesterday we were comparing notes on hyperemesis--my DS is 16 weeks now. Glad you got through it and are finding having a newborn easier than the pregnancy; I was exactly the same.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/12/2009 21:51

Yank!!! 16wks already!!! WOW, that has gone quickly! How is it going? It is grand here, little fella feeds constantly, and so do i, now i have my apetite back!!! He eats, sleeps, eats, sleeps, eats, eats, eats, a chilled out little boy, hope it lasts. A positive to the whole HG and now bf...i pretty much have my figure back already, and just bought a little denim mini-skirt and some funky tights (not too short mind) to show it all off as a treat!! and yet can still eat chocolate...yippee!

skidoodle · 14/12/2009 21:55

I'm also seven months pregnant and my DH has also been complaining of tiredness recently, which has meant I've had to do more with our toddler and around the house, as well as working.

However, he is just recovering from a really nasty virus and is genuinely exhausted. I feel so sorry for him because he's been so ill he couldn't get out of bed for days and still gets tired very easily. He's miserable and bored and I think he feels he's letting me down by needing to rest so much

When he's well he recognises that working full time, looking after a toddler, and being very pregnant leaves me very tired and does everything he can to make sure I'm getting enough rest.

Like expat, I'm very glad I'm not married to someone as inconsiderate as the men described here. It's not MEN, either. My Dad isn't a lazy bastard, nor is my BIL, nor any of my friends. My brother has tendencies, but he's growing up a bit and has no kids yet.

Original poster

oranges · 15/12/2009 08:26

I do think dh had some kind of virus too - he got ill then never seems to have really recovered, and is not generally one to moan. He definitely slumps far quicker than me through lack of sleep but does normally try to struggle on regardless.

OP posts:

Original poster

oranges · 15/12/2009 08:27

oh and Pavlov, thank you for the congratulations. I'm hoping to snatch a few minutes at some point to just enjoy the glow of a new baby on its way.

OP posts:

BlameItOnTheBogey · 15/12/2009 08:40

It really isn't all men I promise. I am 39 weeks pregnant and lovely DH has taken on the lion's share of work around the house, including taking our toddler out both mornings at the weekend to let me lie in. I can't remember the last time he had a lie in but he just gets on with it without complaining and when I try and insist that he has some time to relax too, he plays back the 'you're growing a child' line. I'm not trying to sound smug but I do want to stick up for the men out there who are pulling their weight. It's down to personality not gender in my opinion.

fiziwizzle · 15/12/2009 10:27

BlameItOnTheBogey I think you've got a really good one...

wasabipeanut · 15/12/2009 21:31

I think if I was the OP I would have been annoyed. Glad to see the threat of violence worked.

I have a lovely DH too who does more than his fair share. We tends to share night duty if it's necessary and he also gets up with our incredibly early waking DS at weekends so I can have a lie in. In my defence I am 33 weeks pg, bloody shattered and prepping to host Xmas for his entire family as well as mine.

Rhian82 · 15/12/2009 21:40

DH is very good at saying "Well DS was never that bad", or "he slept through quite quickly didn't he?".

No, dear. You slept through quite quickly. I got up and breastfed DS three-hourly through the night for months. And changed his nappy next to the bed each time. While you slept through the whole thing.

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