what do you think about me saying if my mum wants to see baby once he's born she has to come to my house?

[michelle89]

hey
im 20 yrs old and 35 weeks pregnant. when my mum was carrying me she chain smoked due to this i put my illness's down to her. i have asthma, when my mum was pregnant with me my heart stopped 3times and she had to have a emergency c-section. i was 4weeks premature and was in an incubator for weeks. my mum and dad continued to chain smoke around me, they even took me to a smokey pub most nights with over 100people smoking. once i grew up and realised how much they were putting my health at risk i would stay in my bedroom all the time, i moved out the family home when i was 3/4months pregnant. i went to see my mum a month or so later and they continued to smoke around me, because i havent been exposed to it for a month my chest was getting tight and i was unable to breath, when i said this to my mum she said sarcasticly "awww" and didnt stop.
i dont want my little boy to be exposed to smoke like a was and risk my health.

am i right to tell my mum if she wants to see her grandson then she has to come here?

Good God, yes! And insist she doesn't smoke around him.

Am sorry your mum is treating you in such a cavalier fashion

Hi Michelle

You are absolutely right to tell her that. Make her go outside for a fag as well.

Well done for putting your child's health first and moving out of home - that must have been a hard decision to make.

Good luck with everything x

Yes you are right, don't put your lovely wee DS in that kind of environment. I'd be tempted to tell them they're never ever allowed to smoke in front of your DS (even when he's 15!!) but perhaps that's taking it too far!

You are absolutely right - I can't believe she still smoked around you knowing you were pregnant - and the sarcasm!! omg. To be honest, you must be very good-natured to be in touch at the moment, though I am sure you'll be glad for any support she can offer - if she can leave her fags at home- once you've had your baby.
Good luck x

Oh you know you could be me, my Mum smoked when pregnant with me, I was born at 34 weeks with brething problems and continued to have frequent chest infections and bronchitis as a child. Like you both she and my Dad chain smoked and as a teenager I stayed in my room too.

I vividly remember being in the car with the two of them puffing away and not being allowed to open a window as it was too cold, my eyes would be hurting, nevermind being unable to breathe, to me that is a form of child abuse.

I lived in a different country to them whilst pregnant but I have never let them smoke around my DC. They think I am a bit precious but if they don't air the house and smoke outside whilst we are there we don't go and when they come up here they go outside with the door shut, no standing at an open door or a window open.

My MIL used to have a moan about going outside but once the DDs told her she stank she stopped even smoking once she was here completely. Sadly she died of a smoking related illness this year.

You are doing the right thing and being strong for the sake of your baby. Your mum shouldn't be putting you in this position.

Hopefully once your baby is here she will accept that what she is doing is wrong. IME, parents can be totally different when it come to Grandchildren, I hope this is true in your case.

Yes, you are totally right.

thanx for all your comments.
tbh i dont think my mum will realise what she is doing to mine and babys health once he's born. when i was growing up we didnt have enough money, they were living off benifits and spent most of their money on booze and fags, even if it ment going without clothes/food/warm house etc. when i said to my dad "you know if you didnt smoke you would have loads of extra money" he just turned round and said "im not stopping my enjoyment just because you want abit extra money" my mum didnt want me to move out until now becuase her benifits would be stopped. once the benifits were stopped (just before i moved out) she couldnt wait to get rid of me. i just hope she doesnt tell the family im stopping her from seeing her grandson. my dad can drive but is really picky about spending money on petrol to go places, so if my mum was to come see me it would be by bus and shes even told me she cba. 2bh i dont think she will see her grandson that much and i have a feeling my dad is going to kick off about it and fall out with me but i guess thats up to them

of course and i'd go further to say that she goes outside for fag break can't touch him/ breath near him when she comes back in

I don't understand the science behind the idea put forward here that smoking while pregnant cause lung problems in the child.
Not doubting the effect of breathing second hand smoke in enclosed spaces can make asthma worse.

That's a very OTT reaction MumNWLondon (the not touching him/breathing near him). Sounds a bit silly to me

victoriascrumptious - [resumably because whatever he mother intakes will cross the placenta, and therefore be passed to the unborn child. Thus causing smoking related health issues.

But how would it effect the lungs of a child?

Ah ha! Low birthweight babies. ic

Low weight plus premature birth can equal poor lung finction, lack of surfactant, etc.

I completely agree with you OP.

oops, x-post, victoria!

Also there have been studies which have linked smoking in pregnancy to childhood asthma.

MUMNWLONDONs advice is what i was told to follow by my midwives (not that i personally smoke) in order to reduce SIDS risk. So it may seem OTT, but is considered best practice, obv once a child is older it is unpleasant but much less dangerous

michelle - your main obligation as a mum is to do all you can to protect your child. You're doing the right thing here so make sure you don't let them beat you down with their sarcasm. Your baby's health is your responsibility - it's just a shame your mum didn't think so. Good luck

michelle - I really feel for you my Mum and Dad were the same, never enough money for basic essentials like food or heating but they both smoked like chimneys. Was also terrified that something bad might happen to them as when you are at school and shown the smokers cancerous lungs etc it scares you as a child then you go home and beg your parents to stop and they just ignore you I still to this day worry about my Dad and the effect all that smoking has had on him.

My Mum said as well she couldn't come here as she couldn't afford it and I even offered her the money to come up but like you said she cba.

You need to concentrate on you and your new son, life will be tough enough for you without the added worry and stress of thinking that your other family think you are preventing your Mum seeing her new grandson. Make it very clear from the off that if she comes to see him it's no smoking near him, if she says she doesn't want to or doesn't make an effort then she cannot be very interested in him, any doting Granparent could lay off the fags for an hour or two.

My Mum and Dad used their smoking as a stick to beat me with I think when I complained they would say "well if you don't like it, theres the door and when you have your own house you can have it smoke free then" and I have my own house now and it is smoke free.

Best of luck with the new baby and try not to let this stress you out

Yes, perhaps ott but I am very anti-smoking, and besides another poster has pointed out that what I said is best practice.

If it was my baby I wouldn't let a a smoker touch them ever, I moved DD out of an all day nursery when I realised the staff were smoking outside.

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-399589/Even-smoking-outside-harm-baby.html

MumNW - I hadn't thought about nursery staff smoking outside - my ds not in day care yet, but something to think about. Yikes.

Too bloody right you should! Anyway, you'll be too busy looking after a new baby to go traipsing round other peoples!