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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When to buy stuff?

13 replies

oxcat1 · 14/12/2009 17:01

I wonder if you can help me?

I have a close friend who is currently pregnant, due at the end of February. She's had a rather horrible pregnancy, suffering with both hyperemesis and now depression. It seems that all the relevant professionals are on the case, and she's got lots of appointments arranged to try and prevent/deal with PND etc etc, should it happen.

My question is how can I support her? I'm a little bit worried that she still doesn't have a single item for the baby, and hasn't even begun thinking about it. I know there is a lot of point not buying anything too early, and the January sales will be a good time etc etc, but I'm a little worried that she hasn't even begun thinking about any of the big things yet.

She says that she can't face thinking about/seeing babies at the moment, but she has asked me to help her get on with some stuff in the new year. I don't know anything about these things, but at what stage should she be ordering the car seat/pushchair/cot etc? She won't be getting any hand-me-downs so will need to buy everything.

Please give me some sort of an idea of a timetable for getting stuff ready over these last few weeks.

Thank you!

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mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 18:06

You're a lovely friend - bless you for thinking about this. My first advice is to do a search on here for two lists:

Hospital bag list (self explanatory, but are the items needed for the birth itself and for the baby first few days)
Newborn list

You will get a lot of differing advice about what is needed/ what isnt. But I think that everyone will agree that the essentials are quite straightforward. In addition to baby clothing, they are things such as a car seat and somewhere for the baby to sleep (moses basket for example).

On the whole, a lot of baby stuff can be bought on quite short leadtimes. The only items that may take longer is furniture. The chest of drawers/ wardrobe I just ordered took 8 weeks to deliver.

You may find going somewhere like John Lewis and doing a session with a nursery adviser may be a great place to start. They have all the essentials and will give you lots of info on carseats/ pushchairs etc.

HTH.

Original poster

oxcat1 · 14/12/2009 18:25

Thank you Mistletoe.

Do you think I'm worrying unnecessarily? So it looks as though she isn't 'behind' with preparations yet?

I wasn't sure when things like the hospital bag needed to be done, and just got a little worried that if the baby were to arrive today (which I know it probably won't, but Feb isn't far away), she doesn't have a single babygrow/vest in, and hasn't even begun thinking about pushchairs, car seats etc.

Good to know things are probably ok for a few weeks yet. I really hope she'll move forward into wanting to make the preparations herself, but just wanted some idea of when I needed to start gently encouraging her.

Thank you!

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mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 19:21

I dont think you are worrying unnecessarily per se, but I guess it helps if you know how much there is to do.

I tended to start thinking about the hospital bag around 32 weeks in both pregnancies, but then that is because I know people who did have babies early. But I equally know people at who packed them in the early stages of labour.

I think she has plenty of time; but what you (and she) may find bewildering is the sheer things to choose from. It can overwhelm someone, especially if you friend is suffering from antenatal depression.

Start with a list of the real basics. Get decisions on those and then do the other items. Let me see if I can link a thread of good basics.

mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 19:23

this seems to be a great thread on the hospital bag front

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1365&threadid=352495

mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 19:31

This is american granted, but actually covers off 'core' basics.

babyproducts.about.com/od/preparingforbaby/a/basiclayette.htm

The rest can be gotten later although is probably easier to get before bub arrives.

Original poster

oxcat1 · 14/12/2009 19:51

Thank you Mistletoe - very helpful.

I've saved both the links and hopefully at some point in the new year she'll be feeling a little stronger and more able to start thinking about it.

The irony in all of this is that I am desperately TTC, and I keep longing so much that this was me! I'm sure no-one can predict how you're going to feel during pregnancy though, so I am doing everything I can to be helpful to her, even if it does feel a little bit like rubbing salt in a wound at times - probably for both of us.

Thanks again,

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mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 20:42

Oh Oxcat, that must be tough. And it is very good of you to be there for your friend.
But as you say, no one knows how pregnancy will impact anyone.

Good luck on your journey

Happypetal · 14/12/2009 20:49

Keep going Mistletoe, we all need friends like you x

4little1s · 14/12/2009 20:56

Hi, Probably a bit late but here is a link to a hospital bag but think you are already sorted.

ReindeerRusso · 14/12/2009 22:59

It costs a huge amount to buy everything new, so it's worth looking on ebay for 2nd hand stuff. Or even freecycle is worth a look.

lucy101 · 15/12/2009 08:32

Hi Oxcat1 - I just wanted to say what a lovely supportive friend you are. I have suffered from depression and when it is completely overwhelming, someone holding your hand so to speak when you can't think ahead/make decisions is so important. You are being very generous.

Lots of people on here have given really good advice about what you need and all useful when it happens to you too. I don't know how your friend feels about 2nd hand but there is also freecycle, other friends with babies and things like. I am fine with it (like it actually) but lots of people aren't. A friend who is emigrating just gave me 2 enormous boxes of baby clothes and items (lots of new and unopened things too) and it has been just such a joy to look through them and not have to trail around the shops for basics (I am working very hard so don't have time). There is no cost involved, no decision making... just stuff to be washed (and it all needs washing anyway) and of course if it never gets used or isn't liked it can be given away again.

I also wanted to tell you that I was told that I had a very very low chance of conceiving due to a number of issues... and I am quite convinced that the reason I did conceive was because I spent a month helping a friend with a new baby. I know it sounds weird but my cycle actually changed that very month and I am quite sure that my hormones had some kind of change/surge with being around the baby as I felt quite different... anyway I conceived the week afterwards so maybe helping with your friends baby would do it for you. It would be be lovely karma!

bigpreggybelly · 15/12/2009 09:40

I would start just compiling a list of essential stuff that she will need to start with, e.g. pram, car seat, sleepsuits, cot, etc. There's probably no urgency to actually go out and buy it yet. It took me ages to compile the list, as every day or so you think of something else!

Then after 3 or 4 weeks the list will be done, she may feel more confident about things by then and going out to start getting things bit by bit. Some could be asked for as Xmas presents too. Then there's always the sales which are now starting early.

Things can always be bought later, once you know what is needed, and once decisions have been made as to what pram to get, that sort of thing.

My MW said the hospital bag can be packed in the first stage of labour so no hurry there, and its only a few toiletries, snacks, nappies and some clothes for mum and baby. As long as the stuff is to hand, wouldn't worry about that too much yet.

Original poster

oxcat1 · 15/12/2009 11:39

Thank you so much for all the lovely messages.

Lucy - Lovely message. Thank you! I do so hope so. Deep down I do wish I was doing all this for me, and sometimes I almost panic that looking at baby things in shops will somehow 'jinx' it for me, but I know that's not real.

I shall get going with a list then, from all your helpful suggestions, and then sit down with her in the new year and we'll go through things.

I would have no problems with second hand, but don't know how she feels about it. I did encourage her to look on ebay for maternity wear, but she hasn't done so far so it may be that she's not that keen. I know you can get really good 'unisex newborn bundles' which would solve a lot of problems in one.
And of course Freecycle sounds good. Money is not a problem for this couple though, although getting the husband to have time off work and support her is - he's not planning on doing any of the antenatal classes with her, and isn't at the moment planning to take any time off. I think I'll need to brace myself to try and talk to him, as I don't think my friend's really told her husband what's going on.

Thanks again, and have a lovely Christmas, however busy!

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