Have a 4mo LO - too soon to TTC no 2?

[ernestbear]

Hi everyone
Just wanted some different views from people who don't know me!
Have a gorgeous beautiful LO born in July, and really loving being a Mum. DH loves being a Dad and is keen to TTC again - both because it has been brilliant being parents so far but also practically/financially why not do all the tricky nights and being skint in one go? (Also I am 34 so do need to think about fertility)
Part of me thinks brilliant lets go for it, but part of me feels a bit nervous. 3 main worries - firstly had a very very difficult birth (3rd degree tear, PPH, needing several transfusions, developed infections, had forceps delivery in theatre)and am nervous and doing it again; secondly I love my job and am planning to go back in April 3 days, and feel it might be taking the piss to go straight on mat leave; and thirdly i am so enjoying time with LO that I don't know whether I will be able to be a mum to 2 and give them both what they need. Also am exclusively BF LO and not sure how I would manage combination of bf and being pregnant!

Sorry for the really long post, but would really value people's experiences and thoughts - thank you

have no experience, but have a friend who has two little boys one year apart...yikes...and she had to be closely monitored because of possible problems with placenta because she hadn't had enough recovery time......i think you need to let your body build up a good store of vitamins etc and let your tummy muscles firm up again so that you have a good corset for pregnancy no. 2.....this is just a thought, not backed up with any professional knowledge!

I would wait until your back at work and then see how you feel tbh

Well first of all even if you start TTC now it might take a while to get pregnant, so worth considering. After DS1 we decided not to use contraceptives (combination of having given birth, bf and no sleep seemed to do the trick anyway ) and he was 9 months before I got pregnant again. 2 of my colleagues have babies 12 months apart and were fine.

I'd start by talking to your gp - I remember mine telling me to get on with it as I had my first at 33.

Worrying about being able to give 2 children what they need is completely normal, I think most people feel like that whatever the age gap, but you will. It's harder to find time to give yourself and DH what you need but you'll be giving your child a sibling which is great.

So...there will pros and cons whenever you decide to do it I guess.

Hi Ernestbear,

Firstly, congratulations on your LO and I'm so happy you and DH love being parents.

It's a really tough question as only you and DH can come to the decision that is best for your family. When we had our DD 2yrs ago in August we absolutely loved being parents too and decided to try again when our DD turned 1. It took 15 months for us to conceive again, so DD will be nearly 3 when our baby is born!

I breastfed DD, until 2wks ago (she was only having one feed before bed for the last year) and I really loved that special bond we had. I have had to wean her fully, as my breasts are too sore for her to continue feeding, also milk production stops before the 3rd trimester, so you have to be prepared to stop breastfeeding possibly before you or your baby are ready. You may need to speak with your GP regarding your birth last time around, it may be that they advise you to wait a little longer to ensure everything has healed properly. Lastly, if you're planning to return to work, they probably wouldn't appreciate you going on maternity leave a few months later, but that said, there is nothing they can do about it and you would be entitled to maternity benefits again.

Good luck and I hope you come to the decision that is best for you.

Thank you so much for your replies. Lots to think about - thanks for the info on breastfeeding Bunnyjo and also the points you have all made about making sure i am physically recovered enough first.
alana39 - we seem to be using the same contraceptives!

I think speaking to your GP is a good idea - particularly because of traumatic birth.

I didn't want to get pregnant after DD, and used cap but didn't get a period for 2 months after I stopped bfing, so it might take a while - sounds as though you are just leaving it to chance, which is ok if you don't mind getting pregnant but you shouldn't get upset if you don't its just your body's way of telling you it too soon.

My SIL was bfing when she got pregnant but had to stop as she was just too knackered - need to be prepared that you might have to stop feeding when you get pregnant - some babies go off the milk as it changes.

Make sure you aren't anaemic before you think about ttc - after a PPH and bf even with iron supplements you could be a bit low on iron and pregnancy is hard enough without starting at a disadvantage. Otherwise talk about it and sleep on it for a few weeks before deciding - good luck

You are all so lovely - thank you for helping me think this through

I got pregnant 6 months (just!) after DS was born (planned) I am now 5 months pregnant and can't wait to meet her. So far this has been a good pregnancy and I've felt fine.

Close age gaps can be hard work but fantastic in the long run. What I would be worried about is that you dont yet 'know' what it is like to have an older baby or toddler - and whether once you know this that you would still be keen to be heavily pregnant or have two little ones?

Of course this depends on how easy you find things now and the temperament of your baby. I found that once they started to crawl / walk / run around like a loon it was a lot harder. I was glad that DS was able to walk confidently and didnt need to be carried everywhere or I didnt have to crawl around on the floor with him when I got pregnant with DD (he was 17 months).

Just a thought - I know I have had friends who of course would not change it for the world but got pregnant when their first was still relatively easy and then had a shock when their first started moving and being manic! Of course not all children are manic but you get my drift.

Saying that broodiness usually wins in these situations hands down

Just my two-penn'orth...
We started TTC when DD was about 11 months I think, nothing happened, so I started charting my temps again and realised that although I was having periods and had been for three months or so, I wasn't actually ovulating. I was only BFing morning and evening at this point. I think I started ovulating a couple of months later. I got pg, and then had an early miscarriage, the month after that got pg again (I'm now 22 weeks ). Anway, the point is it took 9 months or so of trying till I actually got (and stayed) pg. So if you feel ready to start, why not, just be aware that it may not happen immediately particularly with the BFing (and yes I know lots of people have got pg while exclusively BFing ) and you may end up with a bigger age gap. We can't plan everything in this life but things usually work out for the best.
Good luck whatever happens.

A GP friend told me that it takes in the region of 9 months for your body to recover from a pregnancy and birth and I would say that my experience that is correct.
When my children were in region of 9 and 10 months old, I suddenly had loads more energy.
Good luck!

I was pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was only 4 months. It wasn't planned that way but we did want another, so we thought 'what will be will be!!'. It wasn't a very enjoyable pregnancy, I never felt I had any energy and that was hard with such a small baby and it was very very hard work when DC2 was born, up until she was about 18months really. Looking back makes me shudder, I don't know how I got through it. They are really close now, and it is much easier, and they play together and do everything together, which is sweet. They also fight. I do feel guilty that my eldest never really had her baby time, she has had to grow up very quickly. I don't regret it, but from my experience I wouldn't recommend it. Friends who have a 20 month/24month gap between siblings (as opposed to our 13month gap) seem to have a better time with it. We're having DC3 now and loving being pregnant. There will be 3 year gap. Bliss!

I have a 14 month gap between my dd's. I was 36 when I had dd1, and it had taken us 7 years to conceive, dd2 was a very delightful surprise. Dd1's birth was pretty awful, with a 3rd degree tear and an infection, but dd2's was completely different, and although i tore, it was fairly minor, and not nearly as traumatic, I found a very sympathetic MW to talk to about all my fears, which helped a lot. One thing I did find odd was that I was the only one of my nct/antenatal friends who was having a second so soon, which made me feel a little 'out there', but I went to an nct refresher course for 2nd time around mums, which was great.

They are 2.6 and 3.8 now and very close, it has been hard work, but I feel really happy that I had them close together. I am now 8 weeks pregnant with dc3, and will have a massive 3.2 year gap between dd2 and the new baby!

Good luck

I would second the points about letting your body recover and I don't think that bf and pregnancy at the same time do your body any good at all...also there is no perfect gap between siblings, everyone has different ideas and experiences and there are pros and cons to small and large gaps.

Also I agree with peppapig - wait at least until DD is crawling, to give you some idea of the difference between dealing with a lovely tiny baby that doesn't move and a non-stop toddler! I think 5-8 months is such a lovely time with a baby, life has usually sort of returned to some kind of normal, hopefully you have a nice routine and better sleep, baby is adorable and getting more fun by the day, it is a very easy time to think, yes let's have more!

FWIW I had planned 2.10 yr gap between DS and DD, which I found pretty easy, then fell pregnant (accidentally - too many glasses of wine at dinner and an "oh, it'll be fine" moment on holiday ) the day I stopped bf DD at 10mo. DC3 is due in Jan and I am pretty scared of how life will be for the next year or two. I feel guilty that DD will be missing out on a lot of time being my baby, although try and comfort myself with the fact that she will have a v close partner in crime buddy in DC3 I have also had a pretty stressful pg, found it very tiring physically with DD to run after/pick up/carry all the time and the baby is very small, with severe IUGR - I do wonder if that is because my body hadn't recovered enough after pg and bf although it may be unrelated.

I've got a 14 month gap between my first two. Then an 18 month gap to the third. I didn't plan it that way, it just happened that way and I wouldn't change a thing. The only thing I regret is that it was a baby blur. Its very hard to remember who did what when, development wise.

Hi - congrats on your LO and enjoying motherhood so much. I would agree with what so many others have said on here before me.

Definitely talk to your GP before TTC and see what he/ she has to say.
If the GP gives you the all clear; then I can totally see you reasons for TTC now. I have read that you are at your most fertile in the 12 months following the birth of your baby (can I ask, how long did it take you to fall pregnant with your LO?)I have also read that fertility does decline after 35.

The only thing I would emphasise is to enjoy this time with your LO. DS is 2.3 and I my second is due in 5 weeks. I have loved loved loved the last few years with DS - and personally am very glad to have had that time with him. The attention DS has gotten during this pregnany has definitely suffered. Through first trimester tiredness and then the limitations of third trimester aches and pains.

But that is me, and I have friends who have had their LO's much closer than I have, and they too are very happy with their age gaps etc.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I have a (planned) fifteen month gap and it was hard work, but like you, I had had a traumatic first birth and wasn't sure that I could go through it again if I didn't just get on with it.

I took plenty of vitamins and was very healthy through the pregnancy. I wasn't breastfeeding beyond 5 months as I was coming back to work at 6 months anyway and couldn't express (small company, only female employee - not practical!). Work were ok when I told them (I went back FT for that short stint between coming back from ML and going off again). I am still with the same company and am just about to go and have number 4 (a shock and final baby!!).....

It is difficult to juggle it when you have a toddler and a crawler at the same time, but I did really enjoy it and they are SO close now, although the sibling rivalry is starting to notch up a gear and that's quite hard to deal with. I don't think that there is the 'ideal' gap - friends who have a more traditional 2 or 2.5 year gap have had to deal with full on terrible twos whilst having to attend to a new baby, so if it feels right and you feel you have enough energy, then go for it!!

oooh congratulations

my views:

1. The 2nd birth tends to be much easier and in any case, you sound like you're going to go for another one at some point anyway, so whether it's now or later, it won't change anything.

1. The job - from their point of view - how helpful is it to have you back for a few months / year / few months / not at all in terms of how the company works? If you were employing you what would you prefer? And are you prepare to do your family planning around your job? which is your priority?

1. The dynamics change when no.2 comes along in a really lovely way - no.1 won't miss out because they won't know any different and it's SO much fun!!

I agree with the crack on and get on with it theory - and unless you are potentially going to stick with one child then all your worries are invalid

oh and I BF until half way through my 2nd pregancy and I felt cripplingly tired all the way through regardless of BF or not! Not to say that you will be cripplingly tired - it takes everyone differently and each PG is diff too but just to say that you won't necessarily feel diff +/- BFing!

I have 11months between my two boys. I had major gyn surgery when pregnant with DS1 and was told that I would not be able to conceive again without IVF. also had a traumatic birth where I reacted to the prostin gel and they manged to fracture DS1's skull pulling him out (he has not suffered any lasted effects).

anyway, assumed that DS1 would be an only child and once the bruising had healed enough to sit down, DH & I had sex once, yep thats right, once, when DS1 was about 8 weeks old. I feel pregnant and DS2 was born by C-Section 9months later. Was advised by consultant to have section because of the trauma to my body over the previous 18months and that she wasn't happy for me to have another vaginal delivery.

I was totally knackered and severely anaemic but I managed to breast feed DS2 for 14months.

Now DS2 is 16months old and DH & I are talking about trying for #3 in the new year since it appears they were wrong about my fertility

My friend recently had her 2nd 13 months after her first.

She had a hideously long labour ending in EMCS with number 1. Had a lovely, short natural birth with number 2.

She was very, very fit before her 1st though - bit of a gym bunny which probably helped.

Her milk dried up though when she got pg.

Hi!Well I had my dd1 after trying to conceive for almost 3 years (was on Clomid and HCG injections etc.)I fell pregnant in August 97-just as my Hubbie announced he was going abroad to work!!!
Anyway,it all worked out.I had my dd in the May.He stayed home for 6wks approx.and then went back for 3 months.When he came home,I fell pregnant straight away!!!I was over the moon as I hadn't expected to ever be able to get pregnant again.Had my ds1 in May 1998-exactly a day before my dd1's first birthday!Guess what...same pattern with hubbie's work etc...and I was pregnant again with my 3 child!Gave birth to her 4 days before my 2nd child's 1st birthday!!!!(all were caesarian sections too.)Hence,I had 3 children in exactly 24 months!!!!Couldn't have been happier.Now they're all growing up and their friends all know each other etc.Go for it!!!