People trying to trick you into revealing sex of baby!

[Virginbirth]

Anyone else find it really annoying when people (mostly family!) try to force you to reveal the sex of your baby by asking leading questions and setting little traps, hoping you'll let something slip? The same goes for names. We do know what we're having but we've told people we don't know. It's just our preference to have it our little secret for a while longer, plus my parents definitely don't want to know and I think once you tell one person, it gradually gets out. So we're saying we didn't find out.

I saw my sister the other day (who had a baby 6 weeks ago and certainly didn't tell anyone what she was having, although I suspect she knew) and she was asking so many questions like "So, what colour have you painted the baby's room"? But what do you think you're having, you must have a feeling for one or the other? Have you chosen names? (Yes, but why would I discuss them with you - you never did!) What kind of names are they? Will I be surprised by them? Is it something you've always liked? (I know why she's asking this - my Mum is convinced the baby will be called Oliver because I used to like that - it won't.) And when she asked me outright if we knew the sex, she immediately smirked and said "Oh, of course, you might know but you're not saying, is that it?" and then went back to cooing over her baby. The cheek! I didn't do this to her.

My DH has given me the stock answers to all these questions which I will use from now on.

1. Do you know the sex? NO
2. What do you think you're having? NO IDEA
3. Have you chosen names? NOT YET.

Don't you just love men? I'm useless with one word answers (can you tell?) and feel I have to waffle on and give them at least something...

Grrrrrrr. Even if I think they know the sex, I never ask people, just assume they'll say if they want to. The same goes for names. Why try to make someone look like a liar? Can't they just play the game with us?

I suppose people think it's odd that you would go to the trouble of finding out the sex of your baby and then not be the slightest bit tempted to share it with your nearest and dearest.

Perhaps they are trying to make conversation with you about your pregnancy ? Perhaps they are excited about the new addition ???

I think you are being a bid loopdeloop about this tbh. It's the hormones. It happens to the best of us. Good luck with the baby and remember that sexing scans are not always correct....

(btw - my money is on boy)

Same thing here except that we genuinely don't know the sex of the baby. We wanted to find out but the baby didn't co-operate so we're still in the dark about it. Anyway, in my case people are staring at my belly and then announcing that "You're definitely having a boy". Now I don't believe shape of the belly has got anything to do with the sex of the baby, so I'm getting somewhat irritated with the constant "Oh, it's a boy, I always know these things" and I'm just thinking that I don't have a feeling either way really and I'm the one carrying the baby. Part of me actually wishes the baby is a girl, just so that I can tell these people afterwards...

Also, people seem to find it odd that I don't want to discuss baby names or hear their stories of horrible births and hideous first weeks - how their baby NEVER slept. Also, please don't tell me that sleeping badly now is good practice...

Now, rant over.

Surely they must suspect you have found out if they are asking those questions? Nearly everyone I meet asks if I know what i'm having and I say no (because I didn't find out) and then the conversation moves on. If they ask about names I say we're not sure yet and then the conversation moves on.

I think it's pretty normal for people to ask these questions so I would try not to think that it is all a conspiracy to uncover the truth from you. Sounds like your sister was winding you up - and succeeded! If you really want to get her back just tell her you have decided if it is a boy you'll call it [insert awful name] and if it's a girl you'll call it [insert another awful name]. That will give her something to chew on!

Yes but Miia that is what being pregnant for the first time is all about - people imparting their scary and negative stories about birth/colic/general trauma in the most helpful way possible. Or failing that and turning in to Mystic Meg to predict what your having. With my first I got into a massive debate amongst strangers in the chip shop over what I would have based on the size and shape of the bump. I suppose you just have to be glad people are interested!!

What sausagerocket said - they're just making conversation.

Do you want people not to mention the pregnancy/baby?

I ask those questions not that I'm particularly interested but just to be polite.

But I really can't talk as became totally irrational in all 3 pregnancies although was aware of the fact.

I'm with you on this one. With DD we said we didn't know sex, and they all believed us but we made mistake afterwards of saying we knew. With DS they tried every trick in the book and to get it out of us, and they all pretty much guessed. They read into DD saying aged 2 "I really want a sister my mummy said it might be a boy", and that I didn't have all DD newborn clothes in babys drawer (DD's newborn clothes all wintery and DS born in late spring).

So this time - do we find out??? And if we find out do we say? I don't mind at all(and DH doesn't mind) as already have DD and DS. Both kids want a girl - DD as she wants to dress it in pink and DS as he thinks little girl will not want to play with his cars and trucks. They keep on rubbing my tummy and asking how their sister is!!!! if we tell DD (6) and DS (3) everyone else will know pretty quickly!

My DH took to answering the name question with "Trevor" in such a way that no one was entirely sure if he was joking and then didn't know what to say and the "do you know what you are having question" with "yes, a baby"

(...runs away from anyone with beautiful offspring named Trevor.....)

Not loopdeloop at all sausagerocket and if you knew my sister you'd see why... I also don't think it's odd at all to want to keep the sex a secret. I love finding out on the day a baby is born, makes it all more exciting. I realise this varies from person to person though. Don't you think it's at all mean to be deliberately trying to wind someone up when they're pregnant? With refence to my sister, my point is that she and her DH did find out what they were having and kept it top secret and I respected that. But when it comes to me, she's determined to spoil it. That's weird I reckon.

By the way, I can make small talk all day with pregnant women without once saying "what do you think you're having".

Can I ask those of you who have found out what you're having but don't want to tell friends and family, why that is? A good friend of mine is due shortly and knows but won't tell - I'm a bit confused as to why. Quite frankly, I really don't care in the slightest what she has as long as it's a healthy baby, and I find her approach a bit strange - as if she thinks that everyone is dying to know but she wants to prolong the suspense.
I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant myself and we will probably be finding out at the 20 week scan. If we do, I see no reason not to tell people - again, not sure what it will achieve? It's my first pregnancy (same for my friend) so not sure if I'm missing something!

KateAdie I agree with you that it's odd to say "Yes, we know but we're not saying". Far better just to say you don't know. I think one reason is that some of us are a little more guarded is superstition. Not tempting fate by saying too much. The best laid plans etc. Think of it this way: if your friend says that she and her boyfriend are thinking of getting engaged and will probably do it on holiday next month (a lot of couples do plan it like this), you'd think that's nice. But on the day they got engaged you wouldn't think much more about it. You wouldn't be on the phone screaming dementedly with her and telling everyone you know, would you? It's a bit like that. People enjoy sharing surprises.

Personally, I prefer it when people don't say what they're having. It makes it more exciting on the day. That's just my opinion. I like getting the text saying "We've had a girl!" or "We've had a boy". If I alreday know the sex and the name then on the day I'm pleased baby is healthy but it's less exciting somehow. And I think it's nice for all birth-days to be accompanied by as much excitement as possible. I don't just think this for myself, I think it for everyone having babies.

i found the best answer to do you know what your having is ...A BABY! tends to put a stop to it all, as people tend to asume that you dont know. i found out with DS, who i was told was a DD until i had my scan before induction. this time i wont be finding out although i an if i want as ive had an amnio.
good luck

Virginbirth I kind of know what you mean, but I think you are thinking about it too much!

You're sister has obviously wound you up, which it seems like she intended to do. Just ignore her!!

Generally I dont think people ask about the sex or names to be mean though. I think that mostly it is done to be polite and make conversation and sometimes because people are plain old nosey!

I really, really wouldn't take it personally!!

I sympathise. We found out the sex of our baby recently. I couldn't tell you precisely why we did - we just wanted to know.

Anyway, I got really, really annoyed with my family. I was honest and had told them beforehand that I would find out if I could, but that this did NOT mean I was intending to share this information. Despite this, they all assumed I would tell and got really quite huffy when I wouldn't share. Unfortunately, I muddied the waters by saying that I wasn't telling because DH's family had mostly said they didn't want to know. Mistake - shouldn't have brought that into it.

Eventually, we decided we would tell immediate family (mum, dad, sisters, brother) if they really wanted to know, on the understanding that they are the most likely to be buying little extras. But that they were NOT to share this info with anyone else as we wanted to keep it a surprise. So far so good, everyone happy.... though, of course, it remains to be seen if those in the know will be able to keep their mouths shut.

One more thing, I also didn't tell them until they had learned to stop badgering. I told them there was no way get to find out by bullying/tricking me into it and I was actually upset that they thought they could do this. They got the message, and after managing to get through a whole evening without even a murmur of the type of questions you mentioned, I told them.

Oh, and as for baby names, DH tells everyone we can't decide between Nimrod or Kermit. (Don't mind saying here - we're having a girl).

We know what we are having but we aren't telling and it is definitely not because we think everyone else is "dying to know". basically, my MIL said she definitely did not want to know and that the scans could be wrong etc etc and so we decided not to tell anyone rather than tell some people and then it to eventually get back to PIL. Also, our sonographer said they were 85% sure of sex- we arent bothered either way, but if they have got it wrong and we have told everyone it's a boy/girl then more chance of people being dissapointed at having bought gender specific gifts etc. I personally just can't be doing with people saying; "YOU said it was going to be an X and it's actually a Y..." will have enough to worry about with a newborn!!!

KateAdie, you're not from York are you??!

We had this with dd! We found out at 34 weeks that she was a girl but wanted to keep it a secret.

Everyone knew that we knew and tried to catch us out.

You get very very clever!! I bought loads of pink clothes and hid them all. I called them 'coloured clothes' and got so used to saying it that even me and dp didnt call them pink! When people asked about names I said we have a few ideas but that was it.

You will be fine. You will get used to the questions you are asked and quick with responses. My sister was the worst for trying to get it out of me aswell. She really wanted to know so that she could buy loads of stuff ready.

This time we know, we found out at 20 weeks but are telling everyone we dont know.

Good luck

We found out, and had planned not to tell anyone that we did. Made the mistake of telling a close friend that we knew, she then wrote a message on my wall on Facebook about it! I hadn't told her the sex, just that we knew.

So yes, I am telling people that we do know, but would love to keep it a secret till the baby is born, just so that we have a nice announcement to make "IT's A BOY!!" or "IT'S A GIRL!!" type of thing. All the people to whom I have explained this said they totally understood, that it was nice etc..

One of My best friends knew the sex but didn't tell anyone either - mainly cos her mum was dead set against finding out ( She had a girl 7 weeks ago-shes beautiful ) but the rest of us girls found it really odd (esp as I'm 14 weeks behind her and found out we're having a boy and am happy to tell anyone thatll listen!) We all kept trying to get her to give it away as soon as we realised she knew........ Now realising how annoying that must have been for her!!!
XX

I don't think people try to maliciously force or trap pregnant couples into revealing the sex of their baby. I think it's just polite converstion or teasing from family members. No big deal at all.

And to be honest -- I think most people (other than immediate family) couldn't care in the least about the surprise of revealing the sex of a baby.

I personally love being asked what I'm having and probably go on about it far too much!