For NaiveNewbie - What makes having a baby so rewarding?

[piprabbit]

Thought I'd start this thread for naivenewbie, in the hope we can tell her about the wonderful bits about having a baby (and save her sanity perhaps).

When my DS was just 10 hours old, I was sitting in the hospital chair rocking him. He opened his huge blue eyes, looked up at my face with a very serious expression, and then reached out his hand and patted my chest. At that moment, I fell in love.

Now he is 18mo, he is learning to jump. So far he can bend his knees and move upwards vigorously - but his feet remain firmly on the floor. I could sit and watch him flapping determinedly all afternoon - he is such a tiny, independent little person.

Too many things to mention like the first proper smile! When they hear your voice and smile its something else!

When they stop crying when you change a nappy/bath them I hated the first few with the crying!

When they first roll/crawl/walk/talk....

The first smile stops you in your tracks. I walked into her room after her nap one day and got this cheeky "oh there you are!" grin. I couldn't quite believe it had happened!

And also - your relationship with your husband / partner becomes even deeper - even more meaningful. You have gone through something so amazing together. And created something so perfect.

I just love the first few days and weeks when you are in a complete baby bubble of loveliness and nothing else in the world matters .

Just watching them sleep could send me to tears

That the tiny helpless thing who at some point in those horrid (or not) first few newborn weeks (or months) you feared you would never understand develops every day into a more independent, curious, amazingly clever little person. With a personality. With likes and dislikes. With a sense of adventure. With a sense of humour. And you do begin to understand them.

It is truly amazing.

There's a picture we have on our mantelpiece in one of those tacky sentimental silver frames people give you - "My First Photo"...it's not QUITE her first photo (her head framed by my fanjo isn't quite appropriate for the lounge?!!) but it's very early on..
She's basically studying me...big brown eyes open, mouth slightly parted...and you can see her thinking...."ohhhhh I see, THAT'S what you look like..I quite like you you know.."
And 21 months on - she still does that face! When she's concentrating really hard...it's just amazing - how did that little person come out of me so intact and already-formed??!!
Today she came and just leaned her head on me whilst watching the telly - she's a strong spirited little lady but she loves her mummy as much as she did in those first few hours...
piprabbit your story was v sweet about him patting your chest...love it
oh and don't get me started on watching them sleep!!!

I am having a really hard time but when DD looks at me with her big blue eyes and flashes me her special, wide smile (that see saves only for me) i must admit i do melt

she is 7 weeks old

Sooooo many things.

That nuzzling thing they do when they are hungry, the sweet smell of the back of their necks, the first time they really look at you, when they start saying "mamamamamamaamMAMA!", the way their little bodies twitch when they are sleeping, when you walk into a room and they turn towards the sound of your voice and are just so pleased that it is YOU.

Gets you out of work for quite a while and you also get a lot of attention and presents

When they do the enthusiastic leg-flapping dance for you/DH/food/the dog/random strangers/whatever takes their fancy at that moment.

The first time they stretch their arms up to you and signal to be picked up.

Babies laugh like loons - especially when turned upside down and raspberries blown in their armpits.

When they kiss you by leaning in and placing a slobbery open mouth on your chin and then suck like crazy.

When they fall asleep on your shoulder - complete trust and surrender.

When they sleep in the frozen chicken position - all limbs tucked under and bum in the air.

I wrote this when I my son was about 5 months old. I was going to post it on the other thread to balance things out a bit, but perhaps it belongs here:

"Nobody told me about the little hurts of being a parent, the constant and slow tearing at the bond between you and your child, the separation that starts at their birth and continues on forever.

I cried when he outgrew his moses basket, I'm not ashamed to admit it. And each time I realise that I'm folding away some tiny item of clothing for the last time, because it no longer fits him, I feel another mild stab of that same terrible sadness.
When he was born I talked about wanting to cling on to each moment, how I both longed for him to grow older and also dreaded it. Well it's still the same. He looks at me with large watchful eyes from his cot, as I go about the business of settling down for the night. I shake out the duvet, the eiderdown, and refill the hot water bottle, sometimes talking to him all the while. Sometimes I just nod and smile, wanting to let him know that I am near, all is well, and it's time for sleep. And he smiles back, trusting me to always be there. Inwardly, with every wash of love I feel deep in my stomach, there is a weeping, for he is growing up. And one day he will no longer be in the cot beside the bed, but in some other room perhaps, and then some other place. And my whole body cries out against this, and also welcomes it, because I know it is right.

I just didn't know being a mother would hurt so much, or that the hurt would be so worth it, so wonderful."

*

NN, there are good and bad bits, as with all of life. Even among all the madness of the first weeks, there are moments of utter brilliance that make up for it. Like the time he finally fell asleep sitting up leaning against my chest when he was a few weeks old, after not being able to settle because of trapped wind. It was the most blissful cuddle ever. Or the moment when (I'm welling up now, haha) I went in to get him from his cot when he was about 10 months and he opened he eyes and said "Mama" very clearly and softly for the first time.
Wow.

It is SO worth it.

Night feeds, that feeling like there is noone else awake except for you and your Baby, I loved them (in the main). It's all quiet and you are all warm and snuggled into together.

First smile, yes deffo.

I so agree with Cheerful Vicky, I used to marvel at the grown out of clothes, they grow sooo fast and are tiny for such a short time (though it can feel like an age).

That cooing they do with their mouth open in an O. When they are rooting for the breast.

Taking them for a walk in their pram and checking you haven't got a breast exposed/snot on your face because everyone is looking at your beautiful baby.

Tiny hands/fingers/feet/toes. Tiny toe and finger nails.

Could go on, but am very broody at the moment and am not having any more!

Looking at them in amazement that you grew them in your tummy

The way they just stare at you when they are newborn, lovely!

When my 2 year old says 'I missed my mummy' when I leave her with my M&D awwwww! And when she says 'I wuv you Mummy'!

I could go on and on!

LOL Earthstar.

DuchessOfAvon has a few good ones there - I too love the leg flapping dance. The way they show enthusiasm for the silliest little things. My DD2 is 7 mo and gets so excited about a spoon, or a pack of tissues, or the newspaper.

The way they bring a smile to everyone's face, when you take them out shopping. Watching them smile back and interact with strangers, their eyes lighting up when someone coos over them.

Having them next to you in bed in the morning - a soft, warm, breathing bundle of loveliness. The shape of their mouths when they are relaxed and fast asleep, like an upside down triangle.

Their addiction to breasts is rather cute too, if a little tiring!

I am actually crying whilst reading all of the above!

It is all so true, the hard stuff from the original thread and also this. The putting away of out-grown clothes I found heartbreaking! I also remember so well the learning to jump and most recently, learning to hop. My 'baby' will be four soon and there is another one on the way shortly after that...I wonder what it will be like to go through it all again and at the same time watch baby number one graduate in to big brother status...

I enjoyed reading every word of this thread. Heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once.

The incredible softness of their bodies, which smell sooooo good and are made for snuggling.

Being the centre of someone's world, who trusts you completely (scary wonderful feeling).

I've also become stronger as a person - I'd fight the world to protect my baby and a bit of that rubs off on my dealings in day-to-day life (not aggressive but less likely to let myself be brow-beaten IYSWIM).

The pride of 'I made this' everytime they do something cute/funny/clever/weird/smelly.

The first time they bring you something they've found (usually something sharp dangerous in my house).

On a different note, you may not get the stereotypical baby you hoped for, they are all different.
DS1 has Asperger syndrome and from birth he was Mr Independent, didn't give anything back emotionally, I felt like an robot for bringing food, changing nappies and getting him from A to B. Gradually gradually that changed for the better but TBH it made all the little things more precious as they happened. There was never a dull moment and he has always been lots of fun. He is 4 now, very cuddly, sociable, frighteningly clever and a bundle of laughs.

Ooh yes the new skills you learn, the multitasking, the confidence that forces itself on you because things have to get done whether you are feeling brave/capable or not. When you've swum back up to the surface after the early weeks and realise you're a totally different person now.

I also got a lump in my throat while reading all of the above. It's true, so true all of it is true. I've got a fairly wide age range of dcs (8y 5yo and 6m)

My favourite bit when they're babies are the cuddles and kisses. The chubby legs and arms. The little hands that touch my face. The big smile only I get, not even DH gets it. How somehow only I seem to be able to understand ever squeak and squeal she utters, like it's our own little language.

I've got older dcs too and they're wonderful in their own (slightly less cute) way. It's the way they come out with observations and remarks that make you smile and laugh or think how clever your los are. It's how even my 8yo still wants me to sing a lullaby at bedtime (just don't tell his friends)

When you've got more that one child it's so wonderful to see them interact. My 6mo just loooves her 8yo brother and the relationship they've got even now just makes my heart melt.

Lying around on the sofa snuggling a warm little bundle. It's bloody lovely (for a bit, anyway!).

POinsetta, lovely post.

Newborn, their downy backs, bliss. Snuggling them in a towel after their baths. The softest skin you can ever imagine.

As they get older, first steps/words/drawings that look like something/first day at school.

When they first say that they love you, you will weep.

It is so much harder being a Mother than I ever imagined, but a million more times more rewarding than I ever, in my wildest dreams expected.

Do you know the beauty of it is that I can't tell you? That symbiotic relationship between you and your child is not something that anybody can ever describe for you. It is too big and too beautiful for somebody to explain it in mere words. How can you feel like the biggest, strongest, cleverest person in the world to have produced something so breathtaking and yet feel so dwarfed and humbled by their very existence. It is such a paradox because as they bring you to your knees with frustration or fatigue, at the very same time they raise you up in the very same moment with pride and love.

You just can't know yet. You will though. You will know how it feels to have a sleepy baby that loves you like nothing else curl protectively into you, their chubby hands fisting in your clothes, their eyes upturned to yours and that spark of happy recognition in their eyes. You will feel it in all those moments, the beautiful thing it is to be blessed with a child, but I can never explain it to you and I don't want to. I want you to come back in a matter of weeks and tell me how amazed you are by the freight train that has hit you and how you wouldn't swap it for the world.

"mama"

and what everyone else said, too.
[sob]

Oh learning to jump is the BEST thing. I could have eaten DS2 every time he tried to copy ds1's jumping. It is the cutest thing.

And yy to the outgrown clothes. I had to keep several favourite bits.

I got given a sticker this morning to put on my dressing gown for being a lovely mum. That was kinda nice too.

dd 15 mths coming up behind me while i wipe food off the floor and cuddling me, going 'ug, 'ug'

wearing her in a sling when she was tiny and sniffing her soft little head

falling asleep together cuddling (safe co-sleeping, not on sofa, natch)

her perfect strong little body in the bath

and what everyone else said