expressing instead of breastfeeding?

[jlo1234]

i want my baby to have breast milk, or at least i want to try, but i dont want to breastfeed infront of people.

i know this is silly because its completly natural but i just wont feel comfortable.

i would like to breast feed at night time and when i am alone with the baby but other than that i want to express the milk and give it to my baby in a bottle.

i know its time consuming etc, but can you do this or do you have to stick to just bottle or just breast all the time or can you combine them? and do any of you think this is a silly idea or?

this is my first baby and my mum isnt much help because breast feeding didnt work for her when she had me and my brother and sister so its about the only thing she doesnt know much about.

any advice and/or experinces and opinions will be helpful, Thanks

My tip would be to wear a vest under your clothes when going out in public - once you get the hang of it, getting your boob out can be done really dircretely without anyone really noticing and wearing a vest means that you're not having to show the bits that aren't covered by the baby's head if you pull your top up to feed IYSWIM

By the way, in my experience, if you have a confidence about you (all be it, a put on confidence) then you'll be fine, people don't actually look, they tend to stare directly in your eyes so as not to be accused of having a perv!

Hi, I remember when I tried to express i got such paltry amountsout despite expressing forAGESthat it was utterly demoralising and actually, very uncomfortable toleanover and express. Whereas when Ds's fead, they'd clearly begetting LOTS ofmilkand fall asleep withit dribbling out their little mouths. If you feel wierd feeding in public, definately (well, definately ANYWAY, whether you feedin public or not..)get those BF tops with the discrete flaps so youonly need to poke your nipple out - you DONT actually show any breast at all when you feed properly.. I got my tops from H&M. A scarf or poncho also helps too, aheynd then you drape the light scarf overDC and nobody knows.. Ihavebeen actually deep in discussions with v concervative men, whilst feeding,and they had utterly no idea there was evenababy near me, let alone feeding.. Goodluck, and congrats on thinking this through and giving BF ago, it's soooo much more convenient than steralising bottles..It does just take a while to get the hang of it. I found I needed to call the La Leche league in the first week to confirm the babies were latching on,their help was just brilliant - see if you can find someone in your area who can help and support you.

You may not go out much in the first few weeks anyway, and you may feel differently once you've had the baby about breastfeeding when you're not at home.

Even then, there are private/discreet facilities available in good shops so I believe. As far as I know there's no problem with combining, although I think its best to wait a few weeks before doing the occasional bottle (otherwise the baby decides that the bottle is easier and can't be bothered to breastfeed any more which needs more effort).

Also then your partner can give a bottle or two a day which he'll like.

Hi JLo - my experience of expressing was not great, didn't produce much milk and it was uncomfortable. Then it was a faff with the steriliser and pump and storing the milk. I only used it for emergencies ie if I left baby with babysitter, there would be some in freezer and she could defrost and give it.

If you go shopping you'd have to take the breast milk refridgerated with you, and then find somewhere to warm it - and if the bub doesn't drink it, you end up wasting the precious milk. Alternatively you could just pop into the feeding room and see if they are hungry.

If you get your baby into a routine you wouldn't have to feed in public ever, and even in shopping centres there are mother and baby feeding rooms.

I always wore a t-shirt with a loose sweatshirt material cardigan on top that I could use to cover us up and I promise you it wasn't possible for anyone to see anything at all. I am part of a religious community and showing any flesh, esp breasts would not be acceptable even in front of male family members like father in law, but once they realised I could feed totally discretly they were comfortable about me feeding in the same room.

You can also get breastfeeding aprons, would be ideal at home in front of brother/uncle.

jlo-best of luck
hope you get the support you need and don't let your brother etc put you off!

jlo you sound lovely btw, your baby will be very luck to have such a thoughtful mum!

One of my friends had her DS when she was 22, so a little bit older than you, but she was living with her ILs. She expressed because I think there was pressure to let them give the baby a bottle. I think it did mean she stopped bfing after only a few weeks (although of course it is good that she did feed for those weeks).

If I could go back in time I'd say to her to go feed in another room and have it as a set thing so there was no way anyone could say it was embarrassing them, and also think of what you can ask them to do to help: get you a drink of water, a snack, change the baby's nappy and take him out for a walk afterwards/when you need a break, bring you the remote so you can watch tv while you feed (or your ipod or a magazine etc).

Good luck, whatever you do be comfortable with it and enjoy your baby!

It is really hard expressing milk as well as bf because in the very early weeks baby takes all the milk. The easiest time to get the milk out is first thing in the morning . If you have a set time say 7am you could get in a regular routine . However I found using a large blanket and discreatly feeding baby under it. Most people never noticed what I was doing or that baby was under it! once you get the hang of it is very easy .
Places like mothercare and boots have baby feeding rooms. Mothercare is really good because they have nursing chairs in these special rooms so you can give baby a quick comfortable feed while out shopping
Sorry I have not read other replies so If i am repeating what others may have said - sorry
Hope you get to breastfeed and be comfortable when out and about .
I did read the reply that said not to give baby a bottle before 4 weeks but with both my boys I introduced a bottle at 1 week and they never got confused. my mil used to take them once a week so I could get a nights sleep and the milk i expressed while away from them or on that 1st milk of the day she used to feed them. It was hard work though and only a electric pump worked plus I used boots sterilised breastmilk bags to store milk and put it in the freezer.
hth
xxxx

Hi jlo, just to say I wouldn't underestimate how much you might enjoy bfeeding your LO, the closeness etc, so you might find it something worth fighting for when the time comes.
If your relatives are uncomfortable, you may just find it's a quick way to get the room to yourself by announcing you're going to give the baby a feed!

Hi I haven't read the whole thread so excuse me if I'm repeating things.
My friend got a really great sling - I think it was called something like a mayawrap and she was able to breastfeed with her baby in that. You would hardly have been able to see the baby let alone that it was feeding.
I'm expecting dc2 and want to get one of those.
I breastfed my son for over a year and initially felt very self-conscious. After a while I got better at latching him on and could do it more discreetly than at first. I also got better at using clothing and scarves to hide what I was doing. This gave me loads more confidence to feed him in front of other people and ended up feeding him in all sorts of places.

thanks Roscat i will have a look for one of those slings they sound like a good idea

Oh yes, slings are great - sorry, can't believe I forgot to suggest one before! A ring sling is supposed to be the easiest to breastfeed in discreetly as the "tail" covers everything. I had a stretchy wrap sling which I loved but never got the hang of feeding in it (I think because DS preferred the upright position and he was too high up then)

Hi jlo
Congratulations and you sound such a lovely Mum already.
My experience was that LO was poorly after being born and lost lots of weight, so was advised to express and top up with expressed milk as well as breastfeed (he hadn't learned to suck well). This worked brilliantly for us and I used the expressed milk when out and about or feeding in front of people that I would have felt more embarrased feeding in front of (my father in law still hasn't recovered after a friend of mine bf in front of him 2 years ago! i also somehow felt really embarrased about feeding in front of my parents and brother). LO is doing brilliantly now and is still exclusively bf at nearly 5 months. Once I got used to bf I have done it everywhere (trains, planes, cafes...) and it has been totally fine and really lovely to be able to respond to my LO's needs straight away. You do quickly find a route around where you live with good places to feed, and Mothercare are brilliant and have a feeding room you can use even if not shopping.
Clothes wise i second everyone that is saying wear a vest top with a cardy over - it realy is difficult for anyone to see anything at all.
expressing just became part of my routine and very manageable, although over the past 2 months bf has been so easy and enjoyable I rarely do it now! I am sure though that expressing helped me bf for longer, and am still really enjoying it and not planning to stop anytime soon.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

Hi jlo,

Huge congratulations and well done for putting a lot of thought into how you're going to feed your baby.

I originally planned to breastfeed and express feeds for when out and about. DD took fantastically to breastfeeding and I was advised to wait until she was 5wks old before trying her with a bottle. She absolutely hated the bottle and could not get used to the different sucking action required for a bottle... Numerous bottles and teats down the line and I gave up trying to give her expressed milk and just breastfed fully instead. It was difficult feeding in public to begin with, but with practise and using things like slings, shawls, tummy bands and breastfeeding tops breastfeeding can be so discrete that no-one will notice...

Also, to the other mum who is worried about the size of her breasts and not being discrete. I was a G cup before getting pregnant and a H cup after! Mastering breastfeeding (latching, position etc) does take practise, but within a few weeks you will be able to breastfeed discretely.

Good luck both

I just wanted to add that when i had DS1, i was very self concious aobut feeding in any type of public situation (including at home in front of guests)ditto mum & friends too.

However, I found that most of the places where i went, I was able to bf discretly. Baby will settle into a regular-ish feeding pattern of 3-4 hrs usually & you can always work you day around that too.

At baby groups i would find a quiet corner, other people would see i had a young baby & leave me alone. At home & at other peoples houses no one was ever insulted or objected if I asked to go into another room to feed - i used to say that ds was too easliy distracted rather than admit i was too embarresed. (often people would say "no it's ok you can feed him here") When out there are always feeding rooms - I lived in John Lewis's! And sometimes even in the car.

I also kept a bottle & carton of milk (or ebm)in my bag incase i couldnt find anywhere I felt comfortable to feed.

I am h cup & size 16. I wear long tunic style tops, as use extra fabric to cover exposed bits. Or button-up top with a vest - you open buttons as far down as you need to, pull vest up, that way shirt covers belly & vest covers boob. Best thing is to practice at home. Also a cardigan is good too as it covers your back & sides if wearing a normal style tshirt top.

2nd time around I feed pretty much anywhere although I do reserve a couple of tops for just this purpose & if I wasnt comfortably dressed I would look for feeding room still.

good luck with the rest of your prenancy & safe arrival of your little one x

I am wanting to express with my baby due in November, my eldest is severely disabled & I wouldn't be able to breast feed due to this. I was unable to breast feed with my eldest. But I am really wanting to try breast milk with my youngest, any recommendations on Equiptment etc? Complete novice when it comes to expressing. Thank you in advance xx

I ended up feeding DC1 expressed milk for almost all feeds for almost a year. It's extremely time consuming, but is do-able. I would say that a decent electric double pump is essential (I had the Ameda Lactaline - it's a closed system so you should be safe to buy second hand), and a hands free pumping bra is also helpful.

Good luck (though have to admit if DC2 has the same latch issues as DC1 then I will be switching to formula asap - for some reason DC1 stopped tolerating this after approx 7 weeks and projectile vomited any formula we tried to give, which effectively gave me no choice but to feed by expressing).