Help! Just done a pregnancy test - BFP but DD only 10 months and still suffering PND

[Catla]

I'm not sure what to feel - just did a pregnancy test cos 'period' only lasted half a day and I didn't like my wine so much last night and the only other time that has ever happened to me was when I was pregnant! My little girl is only 10 months old, I think I must be about 5 weeks pregnant, I am due to return to work in January after a year off on maternity, I am still taking anti-depressants after suffering post-natal depression and I just don't know what to feel. I have struggled so much to feel that I am coping with one, I can't envisage being able to cope with two under 2... I really wanted to enjoy DD as an ony child for a couple of years and spend quality time with her - i feel like I'm going to be letting her down... Hubby is away on a course and not home til later tonight - I just rang him to tell him cos I had to tell someone and he was suitably stunned but smiling too but initial reaction concerned for my health (bless him!)... anyone else gone through this?? Advice/support appreciated - so much flying through my head...

Congratulations! It's completely understandable you have mixed feelings and are in a bit of shock if not planned and you have suffered with the dreaded PND. I personally would have loved a 18 month age gap - hard at first I reckon but probably really nice as they grow up. I'm 11 weeks pg and heading for just under a 3 year gap, but that is due to time taken to conceive rather than choice.
You've only just found out so give yourself and your hubby some time to adjust before panicking about double buggies, double nnappies etc! It will be lovely for your DD to have a playmate near her age.

Take time to talk to your partner about your feelings, speak to your GP if you need to and let yourself get used to the idea before making any decisions. At the end of the day only you can know how you really feel about it and don't let anyone pressurise you one way or another. Sending supportive thoughts your way, whatever the outcome. xxx

This is exactly where I was when I found out I was pregnant with second son, my first son was only 11 months old, so I fell pregnant when he was 10 months. We'd just moved house and was coming out the other side after rather bad PND. Unplanned and a complete shock. They're 20 months apart.

I cried and cried for about a week, and really thought I couldn't go through with the pregnancy. But with lots of talks with husband etc, we decided that we did want two children anyway, and although the age gap is not what we wanted, now the boys are 2 and 4, best of friends and I couldn't imagine life any different.

However at the time of finding out I was having another baby I was terrified - I'd had an awful labour, homebirth gone wrong, breastfeeding didn't work out, which led to PND which wasn't treated properly... I knew I was going through with a pregnancy I didn't plan or expect, and was horrified at having to go through it all again, so I did feel pretty low throughout and worried myself sick about the impact on my first son, who I wanted to spend more one to one time with than we actually got. Turns out eldest adored his little brother from day one and learned to share very early on. The benefits of them having eachother far outweigh any of my intial concerns.

All turns out that even though I had en EMCS, another breastfeeding nightmare, and a second baby who was lactose intolerant and quite a difficult child, all of that is now in the past - the boys have a constant playmate and are inseparable. I'm so proud of them. Personally, plus sides are we have had our children close together and am not having any more. The baby bit (which we found hard) is done. For them, hopefully they will remain close through life.

It has been hectic, our relationship has taken a back seat, and it's all gone by in a blur really! Eldest starts school in Sept, I do deep down wish we'd had more quality time together, but it is a crazy but happy household mostly!

Good luck, whatever you decide will be right for you and your family. An 18 month age gap is more common than you may think! I was the first out of all my ante-natal friends to fall pregnant and felt like everyone would think I was mad, but you'll meet more and more people with that age gap, trust me!

thanks MamaFi, so so good to hear someone who's come out the other side - I have been berating myself that I've said since DD was born that I just want to enjoy her and spending time with her and giving her loads of input - after a really tough first 6 months I'm actually beginning to enjoy her and see her little character coming through - I do wonder what I'll do when I'm struggling through newborn period again... Thanks so much for your post, pretty much hit on most of my worries, I've got a doctor's appointment late this afternoon so hopefully he'll refer me for a scan and we can see how far along we are.

Hi Catla - how did you get on at the doc? Hope you get a scan soon...are you're feeling less shocked today?

I know how you must feel about your first-born and wanting to spend time with her and enjoy her personality blossoming. I found at 18/19 months my little boy just accepted his new brother... didn't faze him at all, I was stressing over something which never actually happened.

There were mental times with both of them crying, and the worry of the noisy crying in night time waking up eldest, then toilet training 2.5 year old with a baby around... everything seemed scary, but we got through it all!

All the best! Thinking of you.