I upset DH [sad]

[FJMi]

Having read the thread "inlaws" I decided to have a chat to DH and clarify that I would like it if we could spend the first two weeks after our first baby is born by ourselves. Since he will be on paternity leave and I'll have all the time to spend with the families after!

His response was "If you can tell your mum to stay away I'll tell mine to!"

Am I being unreasonable in thinking its not the same! I am infinitely more comfortable with my mum looking after me after the birth than my inlaw! Is he right to expect his mum there if my mum is around? Isn't it about what I want at that time?!

But what upset me most was that he didn't seem to want that alone time that I was talking about! He loves his family sharing everything with us!

I'm just venting. emotional I guess.

I'm afraid I think you are being unreasonable. How would you feel if your son had a baby and the other grandma was allowed to come visit, but you were kept at arms length for the first couple of weeks. And do you really want to cause this potential damage to the relationship with your MIL.

If you want time with just DH and baby, then perhaps you should let people come to the house for say 2-3 days and then go onholiday with DH and baby so no one feels left out.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want privacy and to be allowed to be however you want to be for the first couple of weeks.

And no matter what anyone says it is different being around your mother as opposed to your DH's mum.

For one, if I am feeling tired and sore and oozing, and have no energy for social niceties, and want to be left alone I could tell my mum and she wouldn't be offended; I would find it harder to do this with my MIL.

I felt fine about establishing BF in front of my mother, but when MIL visited I took my nudity upstairs (as early on it was impossible to get sorted in a non-exhibitionistic way).

PIL came when dd was 5 days, my mother was there for the birth, then left 2 days later. My father came to visit at 2 weeks (and no I wouldn't have wanted him there in the early days either).

But then I'm talking about coming to stay rather than just dropping in. Because half an hour here and there for a cuppa and a cuddle is doable.

This is what I said to DH on the matter, "If you're sure your mum and dad could cope with bumping into me on the landing, oozing from every orifice with 2 enormous damp patches on my nighty, while I stagger like a cowboy past them, grunting a hello and asking for a jug of water so I can go for a wee, and that their opinion of me would not change, then please do invite them asap"

whensmydayoff - thanks for advice, I did actually think it was inevitable that I would feel miserable. I've previously struggled with depression to the extent I've been on medication so I just assumed I would get baby blues. I've never been in better health mentally however so it is reassuring to know that misery is not necessarily part of the process.

OP - sorry for thread hijack but couldn't let good advice pass without acknowledgment.

With fist DD we had just stepped through the door and people started knocking. It drove me mad i was anxious and tired but they still kept coming.

Mother inlaw drove the midwifes mad when i was in labor, she sat in he waiting area all night asking them what was going on every two mins. So you can imagine what she was like when we got home.

My husband this time has told his mum to tell his relatives to give us a few days on our own before they swoon on us (my extended family dont really bother much, dont think they even know our DD name)

I am going to put a note on the door "If you knock and i dont answer please dont be offended im either asleep or feeding baby. Try agian another time"

Obviously I don't know your family situation or dynamic but I think 2 weeks sounds like a long time to be just the 2 of you with your new arrival.

After the first few days as you get used to things you will probably be dying to show off your new baby!

Go for it, let them in, what is the worst that can happen?!

Don't worry getting your norks out will probably scare them off!

Anyway whenever they arrive stay 5 mins then say got to feed the baby, go upstairs and don't come back down

PLease don't worry once the baby is here if there around too much your dp will ahve to sort it out.