Will I be a bad mother because ...

[GuernseyFrench]

... I don't think I will breastfeed?

I know that bf is good for the baby and for me, it is cheap as we won't need to by all the equipment...

But I have been told that because of my diabetes (not a gestational one) I may take up to 7 days after birth to produce milk and also my DH and I have quite a busy life (I know that when LO will be here I'll have to slow down) and I am not sure on how I can cope with BF.

I wasn't breatfeed but DH was and he has difficulties understanding why I don't want to give it a go; also everything you read make you feel guilty for not bf.

So is there any MNers who can reassure me?

Thanks for your help and advises.

The breast feeding/formula feeding debate will rage on no doubt...

You will NOT be a bad mother if (a) you can't breastfeed or (b) don't want to. Thousands of women choose to formula feed for many reasons.

Many people feel very passionately one way or the other but, really, it's up to the individual mother.

In my NCT ante-natal group it was approx 50/50 and we all managed to get along just fie - .

The only thing you might find difficult is getting hold of reliable information about which formula to use as there is a scarcity of information. Probably best to take recommendations from friends/family and see how you go.

Please don't worry about being a bad mother - once you get into the swing of it you'll find a lot more to worry about than formula feeding!!!!!!

It is up to you, but having done both BF is easier. No washing bottles, fiddling with boiling and cooling water to only heat it up again to drinking temp, no worrying that the baby has had enough, no having to try and lose weight after giving birth, no carrying around 300 tones of junk when going out - just a couple of nappies and some babywipes.

AND the best bit - you and the little sods don't even have to be fully awake when feeding so you get a nearly perfect night's sleep. I wish I had realised the advantages when I had my first one.

If you are worried that you can't go out - just express some and your DH / childminder can warm it up and wash the bottles after.

Riven my DH is self employed and at the moment I'm not able to help as much as I normally do, but I'll have to go back and give him a hand (but less than before) after LO is born.

wreckofhesperus thanks for this. I know I'm opening a debate but I just need reassurance!

No, of course formula feeding won't make you a bad mother!
I don't know anything about how diabetes affects milk supply but you've only been told it may affect your milk supply - what if it doesn't?
Also, will ff be easier than bf from a time taken point of view? It might be - but again it might not? I'm bf DD (DC2) and honestly don't think I'd have time to ff her - some days it's all I can do to get her dummies in the steriliser.
What do you mean by you have a busy lifestyle? You will almost certainly need to spend some time recovering after the birth and taking it easy - even if you only bf then it would be better than none at all.
Apolgies if any of this is making you feel guilty, that is not my intention. You may choose to ff and of course that is completely up to you and your DH, but there's nothing I read in your OP that made me think you wouldn't be better off at least starting to bf and then changing if you choose.

this shouldn't be a matter for debate. markting of formula, training of HCPs and support of new mothers, evidence behind particular health claims etc all topics for debate. Choice of an individual is not, IMO!

No it doesn't make you a bad mother.
BUT, I'm with your DH: why not give it a go? You don't KNOW that your milk won't come in. Why not give it a try and if doesn't work for you then fine, move on and you can formula free without guilt. But why not at least try?

Deciding to not even try to breastfeed just because the doctors think you won't be able to, it's a bit self-defeatist. Do you have other important issues with the idea of Brfeeding?

The Diabetic Breastfeeding Mother.

Some mums and babies find breastfeeding a doddle and some find it hard. Almost all women CAN breastfeed, but because it can be hard to get going, you have to want to do it at some level in order to have the motivation overcome any setbacks. If you are only doing it because you feel you should but really aren't that keen, any hiccups will end up being pretty distressful.

During pregnancy I really hadn't fancied the idea of breastfeeding, it made me feel physically queasy but after the birth I found I was steely in my determination to do it. I found it very very hard in the first two weeks though and it made me cry several times a day because I felt I was a miserable failure to find something so supposedly "natural" so difficult. With stubborn perseverance and amazing support from hospital staff though, I went on to exclusively BF my son for 6 months and carried on til he was 10 months.

If it is your first child you can't predict how you will feel about breastfeeding when you are actually holding the baby so I say be open minded to the idea but don't force yourself.

I think from what I've seen of FFing and BFing friends that BF is certainly much easier timewise - just plug and go while FFing requires a lot more faffing around.

I will be desperately disappointed if I don't manage to BF and am therefore very pro but I would never, ever judge anyone else for what they decided to do - especially if you have a good medical reason for not doing it.

I guess it wouldn't harm to give it a try though, you might love it

I agree with what the others are saying and midnightsun summed up so well:

"be open minded to the idea but don't force yourself"

You don't have to decide this now. You know that your diabetes might make things harder, but you don't know for sure that it will or how you will feel about it.

I'm another person who found breastfeeding enormously convenient, so other than at the start (when you are likely to be entirely consumed with the baby anyway) it makes life easier, especially if you are busy.

Really, between 3 and 6 months is a dream with an exclusively breastfed baby - they are so portable and all you need to bring with you is a couple of nappies and some wipes (which fit into a handbag).

Also I'm not sure how I would have managed teething without the magical soothing power of breastfeeding.

As for cheap - remember you have to factor in the expense of all the cakes you will be eating to help with your supply . Actually I would recommend not doing that TBH.

It's so hard to imagine what life will be like after your first baby. You don't need to make any big decisions now - try to arrange things so as to give yourself a bit of space (mental, emotional, physical) to figure things out for yourself (with your DH) in the early days.

You'll be a great mother. It is pretty normal, I think, to be worried about being an inadequate parent as you get to the end of a pregnancy. I'm 31 weeks with my second and I have all sorts of doubts like these, just about different things.

The choice is obviously yours but I'd say go into it with an open mind - even just giving your baby colustrum in the first few days will give it many health benefits.

As for your milk maybe not coming in for 7 days - my milk never comes in before 5/6 days and although it is hard there are things you can eat/take that may help it come in sooner (by incresing your supply) so it's worth a chatting to your midwife about this.

You will absolutely not be a bad mother! The choice is entirely yours but I agree with some of the other posters that perhaps you should give it a try and see how it goes?

If you are interested, here are a few very interesting articles on the formula/breastfeeding debate. You will probably feel very comforted by the information should you decide to formula feed.

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article6718276.ece

ww w.slate.com/id/2138629/

www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding

My milk took the looongest time to come in - I wasn't really producing even half enough to feed ds for the first two weeks (some have said this is common with a c-section but I've no idea if this is true). Anyway, I breastfed during the night and in the mornings and then moved on to formula by late afternoon when it was clear there was nothing much coming out. After two weeks I was able to exclusively breastfeed him (although I still give him a bottle if I'm tired).

I only have 9 weeks experience so far but I will say that a lot of the issues that were all-consuming before the birth faded into insignificance after it. Once we had him our priority was making everything happy and relaxed.

Let your decision come in its own good time and never look back!

Wow, I can even kill a thread about breast v formula

Maybe OP feels a bit daunted by the replies? I'm afraid I came across over-strong.

One thing, OP: Babies are encumbering, no matter how you feed them! I know a lot of people who started with breastfeeding and moved onto combi-feeding later, it doesn't have to be one or the other: you actually can have the best of both.