Dealing (badly) with weight gain during pregnancy

[coffeenut]

I'm 22 weeks and last weekend while out to dinner with friends, I made a comment about being uncomfortable about having a glass of wine in public when i was pregnant. A friend said to me "oh dont worry you dont look pregnant anyway - just a bit fat". Then later on same friend started talking about how "big" women don't look pregnant until they are really advanced!!

This has really gotten under my skin. I was a size 10/12 before pregnancy and now probably more a 12/14 so I have put on a bit of weight, mainly in first trimester when I was eating to stop nausea. I suffered from an eating disorder about 10 years ago now but thought I'd be ok with the weight gain during pregnancy (as it was natural, pregnant not fat etc). I thought I was doing okay early on in pregnancy, but as I get bigger and bigger I'm starting to get really down about it - I think my friend's comment has made it worse. I don't have one of those nice neat bumps - more sort of spread out all over and not really protruding. Every time i go out, i look in the mirror and try to decide whether I look preg or fat.

Hasn't anyone else dealt with this during pregnancy? And has anyone found a good healthy eating program to follow when pregnant ie with meals, calories etc? I'm trying to be as good as possible but I'm so damn hungry all the time and want to do what's best for my baby. Thanks for your advice.

I know how you feel. I put on a lot of weight with ds and I didn't have a neat bump either. This time round I was determined not to but I have already put on half a stone and I am only 15 weeks, I feel sick if I don't eat regularly too.

People can be so insensitive when I was pregnant last time my friend said to me "I thought when you were pregnant you were supposed to just get a bigger tummy but your face is really fat and your arms are huge!" My mum who really should know better said "I was thinking last time I saw you that you looked really big, I didn't realise you were pregnant because you looked as if you had put extra weight on everywhere".

I have had problems with my eating and weight in the past and I find it really hard to ignore peoples comments. I'm just going to try and eat as healthily as possible and worry about the extra weight once the baby arrives. I am planning on starting a diet as soon as the baby arrives, not exactly sensible but I know I will get depressed if I am not doing something positive.

People really annoy me they are happy to tell me how fat I am and yet when I was slim they told me I looked ill and gaunt when I actually looked just fine.

Hi coffeenut, I am really sorry you feel uncomfortable. Some comments are just so insensitive, I don't know what people are thinking. How can you friend say that a size 10/12 is considered "big"? Just the wrong kind of attitude to size...

But in response to your posting: I can imagine how uncomfortable it feels, with all the other (major) changes going on in your body anyway. I know it is hard, but you should really try to igore people's comments -- just assume they are jealous!

And if it helps, all of my friends who put on a bit more weight than planned (i.e., more than the ususal 12-13 kg), lost it pretty quickly after giving birth.

Not sure if this helps, but I felt really sorry for you given these insensitive comments and I truly hope you enjoy your pregnancy. I am sure your belly will soon get much more pronounced, so you will look very definitely pregnant...

I've put on weight all over the place not just tummy and boobs. I was really fed up with it a few weeks ago, I think it was a combination of additional weight, no clothes that would fit comfortably and hormones.

I'm 13wks with my first and there is no sign of a bump, but I've got my first scan pics to prove I'm pregnant which makes me feel better even if I don't show anyone.

Not sure if this would make you feel any better, just wanted to let you know that you're not on your own.

You will get a pronounced bump for sure over the next month, I like to think mine makes the rest of me look slimmer now, looked just plump for ages! I'm the same size as you coffeenut.

I'm following the meal plan ideas in slimming world magazine, as its large portions of healthy foods and is fine to follow while pregnant.

I've had annoying 'pie eating' comments too

Thanks for your replies everyone - it helps knowing not everyone is like my pregnant friends and basically look the same but with a bump.

dollshouse thanks for your response, i know what you mean about having a plan to lose weight as soon as the pregnancy is over. I'm definitely there. It's worrying me a bit that I'm thinking about this already but I think you're right - I think it's keeping me sane knowing it's not permanent. and joesgirl you've given me hope that it wont be super super difficult & take years to get it off again.

thanks for the tip about slimming world maygirl , will look at those recipes. Im hoping my bump goes the same way as yours soon ...

god people are so rude!! I put on loads of weight when I was pregnant (about 4 stone)as I needed to eat all the time or felt really sick. At the beginning I just looked a bit big round the middle, but the bump soon came and it was lovely.

I've lost most of the weight now (7mths on), I've been speed walking everywhere with the pram and eating low GI (just discovered pearl barley, keeps me full for ages, chickpeas are good too). You can do it, some people it happens very easily, you might be one of them, if not (as in my case) it just takes a bit of effort, but if I can do it, anyone can!

Anyway, ignore those rude people, and enjoy your pregnancy!

women who don't put on enough weight during pg are more likely to have a low birth weight or premature baby

low birth weight and prematurity can have long term effects on your child and increases the risk of other problems

if you are really hungry you need to eat, just don't eat rubbish.

your "friends" sound rather stupid and tactless, if you don't mind my saying so. thank goodness you have more sense than them. you are doing teh right thing for you and your baby

if this is really troubling you, could you go back to the place where you got help for your eating disorder? it might help to talk to soemone in RL who really understands these issues

BTW many women find that they lose LOADS of weight while breast feeding

When i had treatment for the ED, I saw a great psychiatrist but I was living in another country at the time. Def can't afford anything like that now. I was considering asking my midwife about a nutritionist though? Has anyone else done this?

If i can lose the weight in 7 months Tas, I'll be pretty happy!

I am also having difficulty - i was a size 8/10 before preg and am now 12/14. I am only 12 weeks now and have already picked up 6kg. I've had to buy maternity clothes and bigger bra's. My hubby says i should not worry about the weight and just eat healthy which is fine but I feel like i am hungry all the time and the nausia is not over yet so I am living of potatoes, bread and pastas and vegetables beacause i cannot stand the smell or taste of any meat. People are already saying that they can see that I am pregnant and that's hard beacause with my first pregnancy I was lying on the beach in my bikini @ 6 months without a care in the world. They do say that you tend to be bigger with the second one. So I say ignore all the comments and worry about it after the pregnancy you are going to be so active with baby and a plus is the breast feeding also helps with weight loss.

I agree with Kristina. If you are hungry then eat, even if this is more frequently than normal. Just ensure that the extra food is healthy stuff and that you wait until you are hungry before eating (because your body is telling you that you need food), rather than just eating for the sake of it. That way, think of it as nourishing your baby and your body rather than pigging out.

I was starving during the first trimester, eating was the only thing that took the nausea away. I filled up on sugar free high fruit muesli and skimmed milk about every 2 hours. Or fruit or those mixed unsalted nuts from M&S. That hunger tailed off in the second trimester a little, but has come back in the last trimester, so I'm almost eating as much!

I put on about half a stone I think by the time I was 12 weeks. The weight increase has slowed down since then though. I'm nearly 29 weeks, feel as if I'm eating loads more than normal but my weight increase so far is 1.5 stone. Some weeks I'll put on 2 pounds. Other weeks none or less than that. One week I actually lost weight. So I wouldn't worry too much about how much weight you are putting on now, it won't be constant all the way through. I'm trying to aim for 2.5 stone increase maximum thoughout the term but I'm not going to worry if its more than that. Planning on going speed walking with the pram after the birth, even if it is January!

People are really insensitive sometimes, particularly if they have never been pregnant themselves. I feel absolutely massive, and hate it when people make comments about how big my bump is. I don't have a tidy bump either. But at my NCT class everyone is a different shape. If you've been quite body conscious before, and tried to keep in good shape, its a bit of a shocker to see what is happening. I think lots of women must feel the same.

I always put on loads of weight - 30 kilos+ in pregnancy (apart from dc2 when I only put on 12 kilos!) I just go with it and eat what I like when I feel like it. In a day I have a good mix of foods. I have always lost the excess with bf. imho if you just go with the weight it will come off afterwards. I've never worried about losing the weight it just drops off and at some point I will fit my non preg clothes. But if I don't this time it's fine.

I always lol at the maternity clothes shops that say just order you prepreg size - I was a 10-12 before but now would be 16/18+

I put on well over the average weight gain with both my pregnancies. No neat bump for me - I got bigger all over too. I did struggle with it as had always been an 8/10 before and didn't like being so 'fat'.

Slimming World is excellent for losing baby weight and they adapt it for breastfeeding women so it's safe to follow after the birth. TBH I wouldn't follow an eating plan when pregnant - just eat healthy food, little and often, try not to worry about the weight gain (easier said than done, I know!) and remember it's for a good cause. Your body's working super hard at the moment so don't deprive it!

Ricci2, I go right off most stuff in my first trimester so I live off carbs too. There's nothing wrong with marmite on toast, tomato pasta or something like that. At least you're still eating veg - I couldn't bear anything but peas both times so had them with everything

coffeenut - a 12/14 is not big. I started off a 12/14 and looking back at my summer holiday pics around 20 weeks I think I looked more fat than pregnant, even my mum had a go at me about weight gain during the first half of my pregnancy.

however, my pregnancy hasn't been plain sailing in the 2nd half stress and nausea led to me losing my appetite and losing weight to the point now at 34 weeks I am now wearing clothes I couldn't wear a few weeks ago, I've put on only 6kg and I've stopped working earlier than I intended and am trying hard to eat to gain weight and rather scarily am facing exactly as Kristina commented on - prematurity and a low birth weight baby. I'd rather put up with fat comments than this anyday, just eat, the health of your baby is worth it. Sensibly obviously!

coffeenut - a 12/14 is not big. I started off a 12/14 and looking back at my summer holiday pics around 20 weeks I think I looked more fat than pregnant, even my mum had a go at me about weight gain during the first half of my pregnancy.

however, my pregnancy hasn't been plain sailing in the 2nd half stress and nausea led to me losing my appetite and losing weight to the point now at 34 weeks I am now wearing clothes I couldn't wear a few weeks ago, I've put on only 6kg and I've stopped working earlier than I intended and am trying hard to eat to gain weight and rather scarily am facing exactly as Kristina commented on - prematurity and a low birth weight baby. I'd rather put up with fat comments than this anyday, just eat, the health of your baby is worth it. Sensibly obviously!

sorry for the double post - pregnancy brain and IT don't work well together!!!

coffeenut, maybe your friend's comments were down to her own insecurities?? she might even be a little envious .

Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy!

Coffeenut, I wouldn't take too much notice of other people. I don't know why everyone feels they can comment on your size/weight/appearance etc when you're pregnant.

Although I'm not podgy normally (only a size 14), I've never had a flat stomach, and I loved being pregnant for the first few months as it was rapidly clear that I was actually pg, not just a bit flabby around the belly. For the first time in my life I didn't have to wear clothes which disguised my stomach.

However one of my colleagues kept going on about how huge I was getting, until I felt quite sensitive about my bump. She still does, in fact. She's only doing it to be friendly and take an interest, but I hate it when she's telling me I look the size of a house, and I'm only 6 months pg.

Mind you, no-one can agree on whether you are big / small, IME. Within 2 days I had someone tell me I had a tiny bump that hardly showed, and someone else was asking me was I sure it wasn't twins, I was so big! So I suspect that other people might have a different opinion on how big you look. And remember that 10/12 doesn't put you in the "big" women category - I remember reading somewhere that the average clothes size for a woman in the UK is 16, so even now you'd rate as smaller than average.

A book that might help if you're wanting to read up on what to eat is What to Eat While You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff/Sharon Mazel. It doesn't do meal plans as such, but it does cover how many cals you should eat, how much of what sort of food groups you should have and includes lots of recipes and meal suggestions. I gave up with it just because I was unable to eat much except crisps and cheese in the first trimester, and now I just go with whatever I fancy and make sure I get at least my 5 a day, but it was very helpful in getting you thinking about eating the right, healthy things.

Thanks for all your kind comments everyone. I have decided after a week or so or feeling crap and self-conscious about myself and friend's comments (it was a male friend by the way, not a female - and I have decided to cut down on time spent with said person at least for a while until i feel more confident), that I am doing ok. My husband has told me not to worry about it, and to go with how I'm feeling re eating. In a way, it may have been a good thing as it has really made me think about what I'm eating (previously anything to fill a hole and now concentrating more on filling up on fruit and yoghurt). And when i get really down i just remember that I'm growing a baby and it will be all worth it (and afterwards I can do my best to lose it).

It's funny how people don't realise how insensitive their comments can be to a pregnant woman whose hormones are crazy and whose body is changing so rapidly!! Even mothers (my own included)!

Anyway thanks again. And thanks for the tips on weight loss programs and healthy eating pre and post birth.

I'm 5'2" and usually a size 10, so generally one of life's littler people, and I got freaked out in my first pregnancy by the weight gain. About five months in I felt like I was already carrying all the weight I could and felt like I was starting to creak under the strain, with four months still left to go.

What I did was to cut riiiight down on dairy and wheat and start doing yoga with a DVD in my living-room. I stopped looking huge and developed one of those neat bumps. Then no one said I looked huge until I was over eight months pregnant, by which time it was fair comment. The only 'huge' comments came from men, btw, and really annoyed me.

I'm halfway through my second pregnancy now and just reaching the same tipping-point. At least it's winter this time around and I can hide under jumpers until I stop eating quite so much toast.

coffeenut - I have a history of ED too and with my first pregnancy, the midwife said if I wanted to, i could see the nutritionist at the hospital + someone else, cant remember exactly but some kind of psychiatrist or something just to talk to.
It was actually written in my notes.
I put on 20kg and it took me about 7 months to lose it without trying to hard. The weight really fell off the first week and then when i stopped breastfeeding around 6 months.
Im 18 weeks now and although i'm trying to be better but it's hard. I find being pregnant give me a licence to eat!!
Good luck

Coffeenut I sympathise! I'm 20 weeks with twins and although I'm not very big (yet) I am getting really pissed off about the way everyone feels it appropriate to comment on what/when I am eating. DH says its because I'm relatively slim that people think its ok to comment but frankly I think its pretty rude. I wouldn't dream of saying to an overweight person "do you think you should be eating that/blimey you're really packing in the food aren't you?!" Us women can unfortunately be a pretty insensitive bunch I think. If you are eating healthily I think that's brill and you should carry on!