..... and that's an understatement.
I "announced" my pregnancy on the diet thread, but it's not really the appropriate place to go into the issues, so I've come here for support and advice.
I am 7 weeks pregnant - due middle of January. This pregnancy was not planned, although I was wanting another one (I'm 42 and I never wanted ds, 2 and 1/2, to be an only child), but dh is really upset and annoyed about it.
He's really concerned that he feels trapped: that as he's 43 now (44 at end of June), he'll now have to work until he's 65 and doesn't see any quality of life ahead for us - and is really worried about what it will do for ds's quality of life.
He is concerned that, as he took a package at the end of November and had slowly been exploring options, that "last week he was on holiday, this week he is unemployed". He has been doing some work for someone, who he was considering going into business with (including putting in some equity), but now feels that he will either feel he has been press ganged into that - and yet the business might fail, (and then what would happen, as he would be even older, looking for an executive position) or that he should walk away and find "a proper job".
He is furious at me for not even considering a termination - he regards it as a lack of consideration for him. His argument is that I did it before when I was 22, without feeling any guilt or remorse (which is true, I didn't and don't), so why can't I do it now. My argument is that I was a different person at 22, I wasn't with him, I hadn't had a baby and I wasn't 42. I CAN'T get rid of this potential sibling for ds. I am however prepared to do CVS to check for genetic problems, as I too don't want to impact on ds's quality of life (don't really want to get into a debate about the ethics of that - it's just the way I feel).
I don't undertand dh's concerns about money and quality of life. We are sitting on liquid assets of about £100k (premium bonds, instant access savings and ISAs) (although £15k of that is due in tax next January), a mortgage of only £10k on a house worth over £200k (used some of his package to pay it off, but it's a flexible mortgage, so we can put it back up again easily), plus have over £30k of shares, endowments etc.
On my salary alone, we can manage confortably (even assuming I don't get any bonuses, which are potentially very generous) and I have even produced a budget which shows that we could survive (albeit being reasonably sensible) on the maternity package (which is a generous one of half pay plus SMP). He says that's not the point - it's the overall quality of life and all the years afterwards - and what happens if I'm NOT able to go back to work. And what happens if it's twins.
He wants to put off doing the kitchen (major work involving changing rooms and putting in a new window). I've said I'm not keen on doing such work AFTER a baby had arrived - and I also feel it's important to get ourselves a decent sized dining kitchen so I can look after two kids while I'm in the kitchen. I did suggest delaying some of the purchases, like the Amercian style frdge freezer that I would like, but he just saw that as a rejection of his suggestion. As it is, he complains that he has to bear the majority of the burden of looking after ds in the evenings - mostly because I am preparing dinner in the kitchen which is too small to have me plus ds in it. (I also go out one night a week to Pilates, one night a month to a girls' investment club and am maybe late home one night a week due to having to go to London on business: he is now complaining about those too).
Sorry for rambling on, but I need to get this off my chest. Wickedwaterwitch, in congratulating me on the other thread (thanks WWW!) asked if dh was likely to come around. The answer is I don't think so.
We both took Friday off to try to talk things through, and spent most of the day arguing and me in tears. There is just no middle ground. We're now either avoiding the issue (and being relatively civil) or on the point of starting to argue again.
If dh were happy, I'd be able to really enjoy this pregnancy. As it is, I'm miserable.
Where do I/we go from here?