Feeling really negative

[Liskey]

Hi

All my terrified feelings about my pregnancy seem to be flooding back at the moment. I was scared initally (even though this is a planned pregnancy). I keep panicing about how we'll cope - financially and timewise as I work at least an hour away from where we live and work have just announced a load of job cuts.

Even worse I'm feeling really negative about getting a bump which I know I should be getting at 24 weeks - DH doesn't understand why I get upset about it and saying I knew I'd get bigger - I've got some self image issues anyway i think.

It is odd getting this unusual shape belly isnt it? I stand in frontof themirror when I'm out of the shower and think what an odd thing it is to have this growing off the front of me. But I have never seen a pregnant woman who doesn't look even more beautiful with their bump, even when they are struggling with it because it's so big, or if they've put on weight. I expect your DH thinks you look lovely. Try and remember that our bodies are perfectly designed for carrying babies and look lovely. I bet you do look lovely.

Financially, try and resist the HUGE pressure to buy "the right kit" for baby, which costs an arm and a leg. I'm 20 weeks, and just starting to think we should get stuff. Yesterday found a baby bath for £3 in charity shop, and found myself thinking "I should buy a new one really" but I think that's crazy really!! Why will it need a £30 bath with winnie the pooh on it???!!! Also, people are always giving away free stuff on freecycle (google it if not heard of). There is a huge amount of pressure to have new, shiny and trendy stuff, but out little ones won't care at all! They just need our love, not loads of money. I think 21st century parents have lost the plot a bit!

Do you think you don't have enough of a bump? I am 27 weeks with my fourth and some people are only just starting to see it.

Don't panic about money - a newborn needs very little, and EBay and the for sale bits on here are great.

You may be able to get the maternity grant as well.

Thanks for the messages.

Unfortuntely my Dh doesn't find me attractive at the moment and he's also extremely squeamish - I asked him if he wanted to try and feel the baby kick and his reaction was more horrer than anything else. He's already banned from looking anyway in the delivery room apart from my face. This isn't really helping my image at the moment.

I really should start looking in charity shops - though we are going to an NCT sale in Wakefield at the begining of next month - I hope we can find some things there.

I'm looking out on freecycle but not a lot in my area at the moment.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down Liskey.

Remember with all the protection around pregnant women that exists in employment law you are probably the safest you could be job wise at the moment, are you in a Union? Can you find out if your job is likely to be affected or get some advice?

Financially, have you checked if you're going to get Family Tax Credits? Also you will definitely get child benefit, and that £190 how to eat properly grant. I'm doing things the second hand way as much as possible and freecycle/ ebay are both great, gumtree can be good too.

As for feeling negative about your bump specifically or putting on weight? Can you speak to your midwife or doctor for support? (Mines lovely and so's my female doctor but I know not everyone's so lucky), if not you can speak to an NCT qualified teacher here.
www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com/info-centre/getting-help/helplines

I really hope you're feeling better soon, remember the pesky hormones aren't helping so be kind to yourself, hugs.

Thanks for that Sunnybump - I didn't know about the NCT helpline even though I've recently joined them - I'll try and give them a call.

My job is safe, I believe, but its going to mean double the workload in the team I'm in.

I saw my midwife today and mentioned my weight but she just started saying you shouldn't diet when pregnant. I'm not! I'm feeling more negative about the bump than the weight really but then got distracted into discussing whether I have or hven't got Step B - another thing which is worrying me. I just feel really strange about my whole shape changing - my boobs have gone from a B to a D and now there's this bump I think I'm just feeling very insecure.

Hmm, double the workload... have you had a stress risk assessment? If they're doubling your work you'll need that reviewed...

Sounds like having a chat with someone about your bump/ body image issue may help. Can you chat to your DH too, see what this squeamishness is about?

Sunnybump x (who as a very small boobed one is embracing the swelling melons

Work haven't given me any risk assessment yet - I know they should have but my manager hasn't done so yet. The workload will be increasing gradually till December when it will double - around the same time as my maternity leave.

Dh has always been extremely squeamish - hates hospitals and doesn't cope well with blood. He's defintely a candidate for fainting during labour...

I've been speaking to my twin about my body image and she's been trying to make me laugh about it which sort of helps.

I know its strange to dislike my boobs getting bigger but I'm used to being this way have been for 20 odd years and it feels so uncomfortable to be changing like this.

Hi Liskey,

I'm sorry to hear that you are so down... try to think about nice things & what joy it will be when the baby arrives.

I don't know if this will make you feel any better (prob not!) but remember there is always someone worse off than you. I was made redundant earlier this year (& a week later found out I was pregnant!!)... not perfect timing for us... its been very hard to find another job. I did have something for 2 months but when they found out I was pregnant they also let me go.

Its been very difficult moneywise... and like others have already said Ebay & other sites are great for finding baby stuff. We've also had friends/family members giving & borrowing us stuff as well. (we wouldn't be able to make it financially otherwise).

I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry to hear about your troubles newarrival - I know I'm being daft. I hope things improve for you - sounds like your family and friends are being lovely.