Poss being silly but how do I tell my friend (having trouble TTC) that I'm pregnant again?

[Snowtiger]

Hi all
Sorry if I'm being silly and over-thinking this one but I could do with some advice and perspective, really.
I'm 3 months pregnant with DC2, and so far have avoided seeing quite a lot of my friends since I found out I'm pg as I'm showing and don't want anyone to know until I've had my 12 week scan next week.
I'm going to a wedding in a few weeks' time and by then it'll be very obvious (not least because I won't be drinking) that I'm pregnant.
DH and I have good friends who have been TTC for 3 years - they starting trying at the same time we did for DS. I fell pregnant with DS immediately, and he's now 2. They are still TTC and having a nightmare with IVF. I've now fallen pregnant with number 2, really easily, and basically feel a bit guilty. I've been emailing my friends about other things but not mentioned I'm pregnant. When we see them at the wedding, they'll see that I am, and I'm worried they'll be upset, or hurt, or resentful.
Obviously, if they are, there's nothing I can do about that - I'd probably feel the same way in their situation because it does seem unfair that they're having such trouble and I fall pregnant at the drop of a hat.
The question is, should I say something in advance so I don't have to cause upset at a wedding? If I'm honest, I can't bear the thought of seeing them at the wedding because I'm scared of seeing their reaction. What do I do? Anything? Nothing? Tell them in advance so it's not a shock or just keep schtum and let them deal with it?
Or is it not an issue at all, and one I've just invented?! Perspectives welcome! Thanks.

Hi
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who gave their advice - had my scan today and told the friend in question via email. She was really sweet and happy for us, and thanked me for the heads-up-in-advance, which made me very relieved I'd done the right thing. Thanks for your input, ladies, am very grateful.

Hi there

Can I ask some advice from the opposite point of view? I've been ttc for around a year, during which time about 6 of my friends have got pregnant. Though of course I'm happy for them, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to sound happy for them, if you see what I mean.

What I'm wondering is, should I tell them how difficult I'm finding it? I don't want to pour cold water on their happy time, but equally I'm aware I'm being really distant with them, and want to explain myself. Any advice much appreciated! Thank you.

Brownrabbit - I can totally relate to what you are saying. Even though I am actually now 9 weeks myself, I have distanced myself from quite a few of my close friends over recent months for exactly that reason. I have had 3 mcs in the last year and a half and friends all around me have got pregnant whether planned or not in a matter of months.

I even found out about a friend being pregnant on Saturday after TTC for 2 months and thankfully they texted me to tell me. Of course I am so happy for them, but I still burst into tears. I suppose although I am pregnant I have never been at the 12 week stage and yet another of my friends is there. It just seems so unfair.

I know it is totally irrational to feel like this, I mean hopefully I will also be there in a few weeks time but it is still so raw.

I will definately explain myself to them all when I get to the 12 week scan and if I don't I suppose they will just understand without me having to say anything at all.

If you feel that you have distanced yourself from them and feel that they deserve an explanation then do tell them. I think it all depends on what you want to achieve from it? Bear in mind that although you may tell some of your friends, some of them may still be insensitive (and I don't mean happy about themselves being pregnant because of course they should be) but I've had all sorts of things said to me that I'd never dream of saying to someone else - but then again, that is because I have had the difficulty of TTC and LondonLottie explained it earlier too.

Good luck with your decision and TTC. I'm sure some of your close friends would love you to be honest with them. I would assume that some of them are probably aware deep down that you may have been trying due to your lukewarm response and distance.

The second thought I had on finding I was pregnant with DC2 (after how wonderful) was how to tell my sister who had been ttc for 3 years. I just couldnt do it. She called the following week to say she had a line on the pregnancy test - her dd is 2 months younger than mine. Never been so pleased to hear the news someone was pregnant.

Agree email a good idea.

Snowtiger, I feel you've done the right thing. Giving your friend plenty of time to cry at her own situtation whilest being happy at your news. Email alows you time to send a well meant reply without the reader seeing your tears. i ttc for 6 years and received many pg / baby announcments. While I was happy for the friend, my own heart ached to send such emails. A very very good friend of mine called me while I was grov=cery shopping, I clearly remember her telling me that she was scared to tell me....I hated that, because ttc had turned me into someone that I wasn't.

Brownrabbit. I can be very useful to have some support from those close to you.
I urge you to think through carefully who you tell. I very foolishly told lots of people early on we were ttc and this left me wide open to their questions almost monthly....after 6 years I'd run out of steam and wish I'd kept quiet.