To those who found out the sex of their baby...

[BarbieLovesKen]

I'm 18 + 5 on baby number 2.

I didnt find out with dd as the particular consultant I was with at the time doesnt tell people (think he got it wrong a few years back and has a policy or something..) so I didnt even give it any thought but my current consultant will tell and its driving me mad for months!!.

Initially we were definately, definately going to find out.

Then DHs brother's partner had a little boy a few weeks ago and the whole announcement of "its a boy!!" and excitment surrounding it really put me off. I began to think - if I find out will I regret not having this??.

On top of that, anyone who I told we would probably find out were shocked and were/ are all putting twopence in that we'll be sorry/ will ruin suprise.. blah blah... I dont particulary tend to care what people think but have to admit the negativity sort of put a dampner on it. Also, both grannys said they didnt want to know.

I have NO patience, am DYING to know who this little person moving around in me is, and thought it would help prepare dd whos 3.8 better if she knew she was getting a brother or a sister - I'm back to definately finding out again.. Im so indecisive.. just terrified I'll be sorry then...

Any experiences?

Sorry for rambling...

I think that's why we've enjoyed it too, NoGoodNicknamesLeft Whenever DP texts me, he'll say something like, "Say hi to Bryn for me", and I can reply with things like, "Bryn sends you a kick". DP really enjoys knowing, so he can use Bryn's name, but also so he can say (its so sweet!) "My son just kicked me."

Good post Barbie. My 20 wk scan is tomorrow and I'm struggling with "do I or do I not want to know?". I have DS 10, DD 6 (and I paid for a scan to find out her sex) - so I have one of each, this one is completely unplanned and unexpected and a big part of me wants to wait for the birth and have the surprise then. I'm having a caesaeran for my first time so the whole moment of birth will be different. I figure that if I already know the sex it will be a huge anti-climax because of the op.

All of the above being said, I know I am going to be pulling my hair out tomorrow at the scan because I am impatient and I want to know everything I can and be as organised as possible, which leads to finding out the sex now!

So - let's see what I end up doing - will I or will I not have the willpower to say "no, I don't want to know thank you"!

I was convinced I was having a boy. Absolutely convinced. I asked the doctor to just confirm it for me... and he told us that we're having a girl! Man, did I feel silly.

I was actually kind of emotional about it - felt like I'd somehow 'lost' my little boy. That feeling lasted approximiately... 5 mins! Then it was all planning ballet lessons in my head and proud thoughts of 'my daughter'.

I am thrilled we found out. Like others have said, it's turned the 'it' into a person and I feel now that I've started bonding specifically with her (rather than just 'baby') already in a way that wouldn't really have been possible while I had the feeling that she was a he.

I got a couple of negative comments about finding out - tough. Your baby, your choices.

I found out with dc3, who is now ds, and it would have added a little shine to have had the surprise rather than finding out. Logistically it was good so I could sort out all the clothes etc etc, and I think it was funfor dds. He was born at home and they saw him when he was 20 mins old and already knew his na,e which was very sweet (when I say they knew his name, they called him by the name we were thinking of having for him, and confirmed his name really). i'll never forget DD1 seeing him and saying "hello minkybaby" like she already knew him.

Having said that I would recommend going with the surpeise, it's magical!!

Didn't find out last time and didn't this time either - just my preference, I was all set to find out last time, DH didn't want to and I was really pleased at the birth that I hadn't found out - I did find it a surprise and really liked it (not least as was amazed that DD was a girl!), so going for that again. And I'm afraid I can understand the Christmas present analogy as I remember almost being pleased that DH didn't want to know, as I couldn't help but remember the year I HAD found my Christmas pressie from mum and dad and how much it spoilt Christmas and was a bit worried it would be like that again. I am clearly one of those people who thrives on anticipation rather than the event itself!

Can definitely see advantages to knowing second time round, particularly in terms of preparing the older sibling although that's not been too much of an issue for us as she'll only just have turned 2 and isn't terribly aware of it all yet. At 3.8, I'd have thought your DD would love to know!

The only other thing I would say though, if you're concerned about it being ages to wait, is that I'm finding this second time is flying (already 26 weeks), and that's part of the reason I didn't worry about finding out this time - will get there soon enough! Think we came to the conclusion that we'll be no more organised even if we know what 'it' is, but that's probably just us.

As everyone has said though, it's your decision and you need to decide what's right for you - and I suspect you'll be delighted either way!

Good luck!

I felt much more comfortable calling her "her" than it, she's my first so makes it a lot more real and personal for me than before. I was convinced she was a boy though at first, was a bit of a shock when the sonographer first said it was a girl!

As she's my first I suspect that there is going to be enough surprises around the birth without needing another one.

Hi good luck with the scan- we didn't find out either time and had lots of people thinking we were mad!
My reasons were
-to have a suprise on the day something to get me through the labour.
-because if you find out then you narrow it down to a certain name and it all becomes a bit too 'real' if something goes wrong. (totally negative thought but hey)

• didn't want a boy and thought I'd panic for 20 weeks if I knew but would fall in love with him if I found out at birth and realise I'ma silly mare for being scared of having a boy..

Anyway had two girls so happy with that. Won;t find out if we have more either. It's just a personal preference i think.

Help! So glad I found this thread.

DH wants to know, I don't (in part because I know he wants a girl this time). How do you handle this one. Scan is in 3 weeks.

We have found out, but have chosen not to tell anyone that we know. With DS after giving birth they could have handed me a monkey and I dont think I would have noticed, so the boy/girl thing didnt really register. This time, we have found out we are having a DD, and it has been lovely knowing, and the actual day of the scan was very special and memorable, if anything finding out then made it more "special" than finding out at the birth.

On the flip side, I prefer not to know what others are having as love the whole "its a boy/girl" emotional phone call.

I would say go with your gut instinct,

Tryingtobe- this has happened to a few of my friends recently. 2 of them didn't find out and went along with what the woman chose.
1 of them had the sonographer write down what they were having and show it to the partner who wanted to know.
Don't think that would've worked with me cos I'm a rubbish liar if I knew and dh didn't I couldn't have kept it in..

I think it really depends on what type of person you are: Im the kind of person that will look on the internet find what is on the menu at a restaurant and decided what Im having in advance if I'm invited out for a meal, some might just turn up and see on the night...

What Im saying is, Im 13 weeks tomorrow and definitely want to find out the sex of my baby (if I can) not because I have a prefernce but because I want to know as much as I can about my baby before he/she is born. Also I really dont like referring to my baby as "it", it just doesnt sit well with me.

Another big personal reason for us to find out as well is because my sister had boy/girl twins born in January and she wants to give me all the newborn stuff from them, so I either get all the boy stuff or all the girl stuff and she really needs to do a clear out, so by finding out Im doing her a favour too

Me and DP was discussing it just this morning, what is all this obsession with surprise?? We tried for a baby and we're having one, job done as far as Im concerned! After suffering a miscarriage just before this pregnancy, last thing I want is another bloody surprise!

But each to their own I suppose, but I must admit it does piss me off when people tell me I DONT want to find out, when Im pretty sure I do!

I have my names sorted out and everything, Im VERY impatient and wish I was due already, cant wait to have my son/daughter in my arms.

Interesting thread. We will be TTC our second in a few months, which will almost certainly be our last. We have a DS and, however wrong this might sound, I would really like to have a DD as well. Therefore, I would like to find out as privately (please don't judge) I worry I would need time to get used to the fact that I prob won't have a daughter. However DH DOES NOT want to know - he didn't last time and I agreed we wouldn't, but it was v obvious on scan, and sonographer kept saying 'he' until eventually we said 'so it's a boy then?' What do you think?

I have found out in advance with my first 2 and plan to with this pregnancy. DH and I fortunately both agree on this. But I feel for those whose opinion differs from your DH. It would be very difficult to keep it a secret from your partner I think. We would rather be mentally prepared for the baby, especially if you have a slight, even subconscious preference for boy or girl. It would be horrible to be disappointed on the birth of your child, so much better to find out in advance. By the way, I have 2 DDs and would love a boy this time, but will of course adore another little girl (far more likely), especially if I have time to get used to the idea.

I desperately wanted to find out this time (have ds already) and am 38+1 but the naughty baby has been hiding both times i have had a scan (20 + 35 weeks) initially i was gutted we couldnt find out but now I am REALLY excited about finding out what it is at the birth (although im certain its a girl, sonographer said 'possibly a girl' at 20 week scan, haven't bought anything pink though lol)

I would say wait and not find out because it is MEGA exciting thinking that im gonna find out at the birth and have a nice surprise!!!

itsallsoscary that's how I feel, feel bad, but I would really like a girl too. In a way though that's why I don't want to know, as once you have that baby in your arms you don't care they say??

Cant reply to each post but thanks again - really helping and am really enjoying all the stories.

ReneRusso why do you say its far more likely to have a girl? is it more likely to have same sex again when you have 2 of one, ifywim?

yes it is statistically more likely to have a third the same if you already have 2. I have 2ds and hope for a third. I had no preference really first time but second time a slight preference for another boy. We found out both times as early as possible at 11/12 weeks becasue I am very impatient mainly and becasue it was "knowable". Really didn't matter to us or any family, just wanted to know. I personally enjoyed the big surprise near the beginning of the pregnancy as it makes it all more real, you can choose a name etc, tell the first one they are having a brother etc etc. I would find out again. At least you have time to get over the diappointment if it is not what you had hoped for - I would rather deal with the disappointment during the pregnancy than straight after the birth with a new baby, lack of sleep, hormones etc!

yes it is statistically more likely to have a third the same if you already have 2. I have 2ds and hope for a third. I had no preference really first time but second time a slight preference for another boy. We found out both times as early as possible at 11/12 weeks becasue I am very impatient mainly and becasue it was "knowable". Really didn't matter to us or any family, just wanted to know. I personally enjoyed the big surprise near the beginning of the pregnancy as it makes it all more real, you can choose a name etc, tell the first one they are having a brother etc etc. I would find out again. At least you have time to get over the diappointment if it is not what you had hoped for - I would rather deal with the disappointment during the pregnancy than straight after the birth with a new baby, lack of sleep, hormones etc!

Tryingtobemarypoppins Yes I think I will probably go down that route. It's just the suspense will kill me! DH doesn't want to know purely because of the surprise thing, although he has said it would be nice to have a girl next time. I don't know if I would cave in though, and sneak off for a private scan - now that is naughty!!

Fabhead and BarbieLovesKen look at this link re statistics of having another of the same gender - it shows it's only v v marginal... here

I heard the stat that with 2 girls I have 85% chance of another girl, but that was just hearsay and doesn't agree with those stats on the link. I just think maybe some people are boy or girl specialists, could have a very acid / alkali environment in the womb for example, or man has much stronger girl sperm. I can't wait to find out what I'm having but will be ecstatic with a healthy baby.

hi yes i was told my my hv that it is about 3 in 5 chance of having the same sex the 2nd time around if you have the same partner. 3rd time around it goes up to 4 in 5 of having same. So i do think theres some truth in it. Have also heard that other places.

itsallsoscary I had thought the same! I even thought about getting this test www.tellmepinkorblue.com/ and not telling him I had done it just to prepare myself for his reaction later

You still get the same surprise - just earlier! I had to find out as couldn't bear the thought of someone else (sonographer) knowing but not me!! That would have driven me nuts!!

Tryingtobemarypoppins had you seen this one as well? This one you don't have to send stuff off to a lab, it's just a urine test: here
The levels of madness it drives us to!

Wow! Is it 100%???