Just got BFP

[Mistymoo]

Dh and I were not TTC but have been very lax in the contraceptive dept since I came off the pill. Just tested and got a BFP and now am really scared.

There are several reasons for this:

I have 2 dcs (9, 6) and think that the age gap will be too big.
I have been taking tabs for a fungal nail infection and they should not be taken during pregnancy.
I have been drinking alcohol over the last few weeks as we've been on holiday.
DH is not happy and uses expressions like "I'll have to pay for my mistake" and "suffer the consequenses".
My major concern is that my BIL and wife have recently suffered a MMC and are still dealing with this. It would have been there second dc. How am I supposed to tell them?

I know we should have taken precautions. I had gone and got DH condoms and felt he should be taking responsibilty. I did remind him occassionally, but not all the time. I thought I wasn't really bothered if I got pregnant but the tears that came when the test was positive proved me wrong.

Oh well what's done is done. I'll have to get my head round it somehow. I'm sorry for the ramble but don't feel I can talk about it in RL.

Thanks if you got this far.

erm congratulations - I hope that's the right thing to say
I think the only thing in particular to worry about is your DH's reaction - has he been like this before?
Not sure about the tablets but a lot of them say not to be taken in pregnancy as a blanket warning - maybe contcat NHS Direct or a pharmacy for reassurance?
Your BIL and his wife will be OK - there are a lot of threads on here about how to sensitively break the news - and you won't be the only pg person they encounter

It is a shock, i'm sure your dh will come round.

When you are feeling up to it, join us on the April ante-natal thread.

I'm sorry that your pregnancy isn't happy news so far.

The age gap you mention really isn't that big, I have a couple of friends with 10 years+ between them and their next sibling and they have great relationships.

Your DH seems to be thinking of all the negative implications of the pregnancy, I hope he takes a more holistic view soon and becomes supportive.

Good luck!

Am worried about DH because after birth of DD (6) he seemed to suffer from post natal depression if you can call it that. He was put on ADs and it did seem to help. I would hate for that to happen again. It was a really hard time for us.

I know we'll get through it I just want him to be sensitive to my feelings too.

When should I contact GP to start ball rolling for ante natal appts etc? It's been a while

Were either of you ever wanting a 3rd?

After we had dd (she is no 2) I was quite happy with my ds and dd. Over the last year or so I kept teasing dh I wanted another one because a lot of our friends etc had babies and they are sooo cute (obviously not a good reason to have one!).

DH will say he never wanted any but that is not true. Before we got together he said he did. He is very happy with our two dcs and is a great dad.

I think I'm getting used to the idea.

Hi Mistymoo. Don't underestimate the pg hormones and their role in all of this. Obviously your concerns are very real and justified, but remember that those beastly hormones will be magnifying every worry you have. You don't say how far along you are? It is always a big shock and a lot to adjust to even if you were TTC.

I know people with larger age gaps and they love it - the older children were really excited about their baby bro/sis, and hugely helpful when they were born.

In terms of seeing GP - I think whenever you're ready. I went at about 7/8 weeks this time round (I'm 15 wks and just gaining control over those pesky hormones a bit, hence the first section!).

Hope that helps

Ah. Perhaps the teasing didn't help. He might feel ambushed so to speak?

Are you not being a bit overly concerned what the BIL says? It has nothing to do with him surely?

TSD - you may be right about the teasing. But I have been open with him and have reminded him to wear a condom on several occassions. I had taken responsibility for contraception for so long and wanted him to do it.

About BIL - we have a difficult relationship. He can be quite blunt with what he says and does not really care if he hurts anyone elses feelings. He gets away with this because he really doesn't care about much else other than his own little family. He is quite insular, his whole family thinks this too, not just me.

I had taken responsibility for contraception for so long and wanted him to do it.
That seems like a pretty dangerous game to me? .
Giving up the pill to see if he can take responsibility? Sounds like he can't be trusted to handle it! Has he got a bad memory?

Also If I were you I'd not worry about BIL. If he's so blunt to you and doesn't care about your feelings, why worry about his?

I didn't come off the pill to test his responsibility. I found it difficult to loose weight and I know that when I come off the pill I am able to loose the weight. I guess that backfired!

I did discuss this with him. He agreed that I should come off it. I also went and got the condoms for him. I also said that I didn't think I'd be bothered having a third and am a bit surprised at how I'm feeling.

Did you talk last night at all? How are things today?

Thanks for thinking of me. We didn't talk last night but did this morning.

He is still not happy. He feels that it is easy for a woman to remember a pill but not for a man to remember to put on a condom

Any way at the moment he says all he can see is the negatives and how everything is going to be different and not in a good way.

I'm not sure what he means and have asked him but he hasn't said yet (we've been emailing as he seems to be able to communicate better that way!)

I can't see that having another child is much different from having 2. I think it is possibly because he feels he is just getting his life back.

Anyway, I went and bought the folic acid today. Am trying to be positive and deal with it myself. I know I'll come round sooner than him.

yes indeed!
It sounds as though you are fairly sure he will come round, that's good. So sorry you are having all the stress and bad feling in the meantime.
Allow yourself to get excited!!