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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Help me think of a clever come back

42 replies

Pinkjenny · 14/08/2009 12:32

I am the HR Manager and shouldn't really be advocating arsy behaviour, but anyway...

I am 20 weeks pg, there are two other women at work who are also pg, one is just a week ahead of me, and she is expecting twins. She is very petite and slender, and only has the beginning of a bump really.

I have never been petite or slender, but am not exactly a heffer either. I am however, putting on weight with this pg at a rate of knots. She seems to have decided that I am the person that she will use to feel better about her own weight gain, and every time I see her she comments on how big I am. This is her first pg, it is my second.

Yesterday I was talking to the receptionist who has been away for a week, and she was remarking how my bump seemed to have slowed down a bit. Said pg lady immediately commented, "It's just because she's wearing black, she looked huge yesterday."

At the moment I am smiling sweetly, but it is really starting to get on my nerves. What can I say to her to shut her up? Or will I just have to be the bigger person and continue to smile through gritted teeth?

OP posts:

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thoughtforms · 14/08/2009 16:40

I'd just sarcastically say "yeah, the size comes with being pregnant dear, something you'll find out about soon enough!", but then I do like my sarcasm....

How rude though!

StayFrostyBoobNazisCureCancer · 14/08/2009 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blinder · 14/08/2009 17:40

Just ask her to stop commenting on your weight.

Say it like this, 'Please stop commenting on my weight.'

thedolly · 14/08/2009 17:57

I'm sure it's supposed to be a form of flattery, commenting on how 'huge' someone's bump is. Now if she was talking about your a**e then I could understand you being miffed.

Shellseeker · 14/08/2009 18:08

You could start commenting on how small she is/ask her if she's really sure she is pregnant/is the midwife concerned about her small size - I know this might be a bit mean but the aren't you huge comments are mean too. I had it a lot with all 3 of mine. One (VERY fat but not preganant) lady in the village said it so often that I resolved to say 'Yes I am big but at least my size is temporary!' the next time...and then out popped my baby before I had a chance!
Enjoy your bump - I really missed mine when they'd gone!

BexJ78 · 14/08/2009 21:48

i always find that a 'how rude' said with a smile and a laugh usually does the trick...and they won't be sure whether you mean it!!! gets them on the back foot! cheeky bugger...

Armi · 14/08/2009 21:56

Just poke her in the eye with a blunt pencil. Blame the hormones.

TrillianAstra · 14/08/2009 22:03

Every baby develops differntly, you'll understand that whe you have one.

Not nasty, just implying that you know mroe about children than her (which you do, as you have one).

Slickbird · 14/08/2009 22:39

Tricky isn't it? I'd probably say, "I know, thank God I'm passed the 'just looking like I've got trapped wind stage' cos that's such a pisser....." (You could add, if you really felt brave, '...like where you're at now..."

Or, if you really had to be grown up about it, you could just sit her down privately and tell her that her comments are making you feel shit. And God Know's you feel shit enough when you are pregnant.

Good luck.

Kyte · 15/08/2009 06:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 18/08/2009 09:04

Brilliant ideas, back in work today and will update you if any of them need to be utilised.

OP posts:

ceebie · 18/08/2009 09:41

I agree with Kitsilano and thedolly. Be proud of your bump. Answer with an enthusiastic "Aww, thank you! I do LOVE my bump! (Then sympathetically), Don't worry, I'm sure your bump will grow to a better size soon".

My cousin is due two weeks after me (both first time), and when my aunt (her mother) visited me she said "You are a lot bigger than cousin". I started saying that yes I was a little worried that maybe I was a bit too big, and my aunt immediately interrupted "No, having a bump is a good thing!" She meant it entirely as a compliment. Now, WHY is it that we all seem to think that the smaller the bump we have the better? It really makes no sense, does it???

ceebie · 18/08/2009 09:45

... It might be worthwhile following up such a comment with "However, you may want to be cautious about commenting on the size of other people's bumps though, some people can be a bit sensitive and take it a bit personally..."

Bear in mind too, that it's possible that she may actually be focusing on the size of your bump because she actually IS worried about the size of hers???

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 18/08/2009 09:51

An interesting thought, ceebie.

OP posts:

ceebie · 18/08/2009 11:01

Why don't you ask her - genuinely - whether she has concerns about the size of her bump? You could say "I've noticed that you comment on the size of my bump quite a lot and I wondered whether you had concerns about yours?" Reassure her that everyone is different and suggest that perhaps no-one in the office (or indeed elsewhere!) should compare bump sizes from now on!

FestivalScrooge · 19/08/2009 13:33

I agree with those who think she might be envious. I'm 17 weeks and barely showing... a woman at work is just 3 weeks ahead of me and has had a proper bump for ages. I really wish I was showing like she is.

Having said that, I have studiously avoided commenting on her bump at all, as I don't know how she feels about it. Maybe she is jealous of my non-bump! Meanwhile other colleagues have no qualms about touching and ogling her bump, and staring at my tummy and announcing "I can't see anything at all!". Not great for an anxious post-mc mum to be who is constantly convinced all is not well in there...

So even if your colleague is well-meaning, she is certainly tactless. I would brush off any comment with a cheery "Thanks!" as though you've taken it as a compliment. That way if she is being nasty she will feel it has backfired on her.

NewbeeMummy · 19/08/2009 17:07

I have a similar situation, a lady I work with is due the week after me, her second, my first, but I am just huge, and it really does get me down.

Thankfully she's not made any comments, but every one else at work feels they have a right to comnment on how much further along than her I look, and of course the jokes about are you sure it's not twins.

I try to just laugh it off and say no it's just a beer belly, but I have gone home in tears more than once (of course without anyone at work being aware of this) as I just find the whole weight gain thing so hard to deal with (I was a lovely size 6/8 pre pg and fear I'll never get my figure back)

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