unplanned pregnancy what did/would you do?

[prettyballerina]

I am very confused as have just, (5 mins ago) found out I am pregnant. It is my first pregnancy.
I am interested to see what others have done in this situation because it might make my decision easier.
My gut feeling is that I am too young to have a baby (will be 23 in October)
However, I have been with my partner long enough for both of us to know we want children together at some stage. We live together and he earns more than enough to support both of us. I have a degree, have been traveling and have lived abroad, so have probably got most of the things early twentysomethings want to do out of my system. Similarly although I want to be successful, I have always said that family and happiness would drive me instead of a career.
But, I just never imagined I would have a baby at 23 and to make things worse am due to start a new job on Monday.
This is my first post and I am a little nervous, but any advice or stories you can give me would be more than welcome.

thank you - yes I went there and they were supportive and just let me talk and the key message was whatever you decide must be a decision based on your true feelings, noone else's and must be valid for me so that when I have doubts, whichever route I take, i can console myself with there being a proper reason for me, now.

has not helped me decide tho. Interesting thing she said was am I crying for the loss I am about to experience, or the hard work and sacrifices that will have to be made in the future if I don't.

In fact I am crying for all these things - frustration that it has happened (pointless tears) fear of the future with 3 childrten, fear of the future with 2 and lost child, fear of who I have become to even have been in a Marie Stopes clinic having the conversation (sensible, married, educated, not usually selfish and so out of my depth dealing with this). Fear of not knowing how I will react in April (when child would be due) if don't go ahaed, and not knowing if I would ever be able to forget the babay I nearly had.
tears on the keyboard now too, maybe my upset at typing the words "the baby I nearly had" indicates that I can't take that route - I can't even reslyy bare to use the MN abbreviatio of TOP as it seems to devalue what is it.

Anyone else here in this mess Marie Stopes were nice and helpful, others don't ever be here as it is truly hellish.
Maybe I am a selfish bitch. Part of me wonders what DH will think if I did terminate - he says he'll do whatever I want - he doesn't want another baby but wonders how I will cope if we terminate. I just don't know. I do know what life with another baby will be like - hard work.

pb - good for you for making the right decision for you. Congratulations on your pregnancy and wishing you and your partner every joy.
MACKAT - it sounds like you are in a tough place. I guess there is no right answer which is why the person you saw doesn't seem to have helped you any. There is only the best answer for you. How far along are you? What are your main reasons for not wanting #3 - emotional, practical, etc? Why don't you start your own thread? There is great support out there and have seen a few other mums in your position about lately.

To MACKAT, i am also in the same situation, I am pregnant with no4, my others are, 18months, 3 and 7. My dp works away and when the youngest was even younger I thought life couldnt get any harder until this, I dont think contraception likes me!!! I have been to clinic twice now as first they could not see anything, now they have they have given me the options I could go with but other than saying its got to be your decision and you have to be 100% they have not given me any answers. I dont think I can cope with another, let alone the pregnancy, the birth, the pressure on the other three and although dp has agreed to support me whatever, I cant begin to imagine what he is really thinking as he wanted more anyway and the guilt of terminating his child is eating away at me, Im worried it will ruin our relationship but also, a 4th baby could as well!! This is the worst situation to be in and am finding it hard to find the right answer, I hope you do and will be happy with it

BeBe - I am sory to hear you are in this mess too. I am gradually coming round to the idea now, that some sacrifice will be needed but that it will be worth it - but I will def be getting an IUD fitted once child is her, as def do not want anymore. But still not totally decided and have booked a scan for next week to see if that makes a difference. part of me thinks the longer it goes on the less likely it is that i will end up at the clinic. How did your children react when number 3 came along? is there anyone that can help you with childcare? will number 2 be in preschool by the time this one comes? (we have free half day nursery based in primary schools her so from 3 they are out every day so you get more time).
wobbled a bit when i saw posts on her about SPD - i had erased that from my memory completely. keep us posted.

I'm so happy to hear you have decided to keep the baby. In fact it brought a tear to my eye- but i'm pregnant and easily tearful at the moment!
I had an unplanned pregnancy when i was 21 (35 now), and had to make a decision as to what to do whilst under pressure from everyone around me to terminate. Under much pressure I made it as far as the gynae ward and taking off nail polish prior to the operation, all whilst almost hysterically crying. The consultant told me to go home and prepare for my baby, which I gladly did with an enormous sense of relief. It's the best thing I ever did.
I went on to do my degree, become a midwife, and happily parent alone for 10 years. I love my son more than anything and our bond is very strong. I'm now in a permanent loving relationship and pregnant again after a 13 year gap. Must be mad.

Good luck. Lou x

You're the only one that can decide what is right for you.

I fell pregnant when I was 23 but I was in a very bad place, I had recently split with my husband (not the father of the baby), and my life seemed like a never ending downward spiral. There was no way I could have coped with a pregancy and was on a fairly self destructive path anyway, I had a termination, didn't tell anyone until after the fact. The problem was the guilt never left me for what I did, and it still haunts me today, it was even worse when I miscarried a couple of years ago I felt like I had been an awful person and deserved not to have children because of what I had done.

I'm now 30 and pg again (31 weeks and counting), still with the same guy, and I have sorted out my life and although this one was unplanned (we had considered trying in a year or so once we had bought a house) it is definitely the right time for both of us, and although it was a chock we're both thrilled at the expected arrival of our little girl.

The choice is yours, but don't take the termination route lightly, it really isn't an easy option, and by the sounds of it your life is in the right place to have a baby now.

I won't go too much into my story but I fell unexpectedly pg this year and decided to go ahead. I am 32 and have got my degree, seen parts of the world that most would envy and had a very secure job for the last 7years.

I always wanted children but did think that I would be more prepared than this, I fell pg early on in a new relationship with my partner living some 500 miles away. We made the decision to keep our baby despite the fact that so much is pitted against us but knowing that we both have the strength of character to do this. I think if I thought of all the things I wanted settled in my life before having children I never would have gone ahead.

Don't get me wrong I considered not having this baby and only you can decide what is best for you but I felt that I may not get another chance. That said you are nearly a decade younger than myself and have despite your achievements so far a lot of life ahead of you.

Discuss everything with your partner and a close friend if you can as having a baby is a life changing decision, but it will also be a rewarding one.

Good luck with your decision, you will make the best one for you

To MACKAT
I think I am also coming round to the idea of having No 4, once I agreed to it, I actually felt a sense of relief, more than I did when I had pretty much agreed to myself I would have a termination. I know my dp wants another and I just thought, just do it now, im used to the bottles, the sleepless nights etc etc so another doing the same will be hectic but not a complete shock to the system, like No1 always is!! My two younger ones, get on great, they have their moments but all kids do. My eldest is from a previous relationship and is 7 going on 17 and is very moody and spiteful. I have spoken to other mums and dads with the same age girls and from what most have said they are all the same! I can never remember myself being like that but hey, I bet I was! I am already on the waitlist for sterilisation after this birth so there is no way on earth I am having No5!! The middle one will get her 3yr grant in Janurary so yes she will be entitled to free places at a nursery school so hopefully that will help me, thanks for the info as I had forgotten about that. Now all I have to do is tell the family!!! Now thats gonna be a challenge - wish me luck!! Hope you are well x