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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Lots of travel at 35 weeks pg for a friends wedding - is this a good idea?

46 replies

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 09/08/2009 12:47

I have a dilemma. One of my best friends from University days (ahem over 13 years ago now!) will be getting married in September. I used to live in the room next to her for 2 years and she came to our wedding 5 years ago.

Here is the problem; we live in North Wales and her wedding is in Falmouth. According to the AA thats at least an 7 hour drive each way not including any traffic problems. The M5 round Bristol is notoriously bad.

I checked the trains and it will take 9-11 hours and 3 changes. It is unlikely that anyone will let me on a plane.

DH might not be able to come with me as he is a teacher and can't get the Friday off. DS was going to stay at his grandparents but this is no longer possible so DH might have to stay at home to look after him anyway unless we find something else.

I will be 35 weeks pg the week of the wedding. I am 30 weeks now and healthy (a bit low in iron) but feel tired and achy if I stand up too long. DH is worried that I might go in to labour and that it's too far for me to drive on my own.

I don't know whether to go or not. I won't be able to stand up too long at the wedding, or drink, and I will look like a house and probably have to go to be early.

However, it would be lovely to see my uni mates and catch up with them.

My friend really wants me to go. She doesn't have children and no one else at the wedding (who I know) is a parent. I'd feel more comfortable if I could ask one of my friends at the wedding to give me a bit of support but they have no knowledge/understanding of being pg and will probably want to get drunk.

I don't want to tire myself out or do anything silly but I would like to go to the wedding. I wish it was nearer. It would be a whole lot easier if I wasn't pregnant.

I am seeing my consultant tomorrow. My previous baby was an ECS. I might mention the wedding to him and see what he thinks.

Anyone got any thoughts / advice?

OP posts:

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katendmom · 10/08/2009 20:23

Frankly, I would stay home. The risks are way higher than potential benefits. You and your baby is your top priority. I'd say better be safe than sorry. I'm sorry if this is not the answer you were hoping for

lazylion · 10/08/2009 20:24

Another don't do it from me. I'm 35 weeks and I couldn't even get myself to the corner shop. At 30 weeks I was on holiday in Cornwall with 2 DC & I did a 10 hour drive to visit friends; at 35 weeks - no chance. I am being sick again, legs don't work properly, contractions if I do too much (like the washing up)and I'm exhausted. Not wishing any of that on you by the way.

LouMacca · 10/08/2009 20:25

Hi. I definitely wouldn't go. How you feel at 30 weeks can be quite different to how you feel at 35 weeks It might be unlikely that you would give birth at 35 weeks but the risk is there and imo its just not worth taking it.

I'm sure your friend will understand if you decide not to go. I missed a couple of friends events while i was heavily pregnant and there was never a problem from them, just my disappointment!

NigellaTufnel · 10/08/2009 20:47

Don't go.

Also - I hate to say this - the bride will possibly have 15 minutes to talk to you, if that. She's getting married, she won't give a toss if you're there at all.

We were at at a wedding this weekend - I'm 27 weeks, DH did all the driving, sitting in traffice jams etc, driving from church to recpetion, and I ended up with horrible back ache.

Original poster

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 10/08/2009 21:05

Thanks for the feedback ladies.

lazylion - good to know I might not be feeling that great at 35 weeks.

Nigella - you're probably right. The bride might not even notice I'm not there! She will be disappointed beforehand (when I break the news) but being a bride is so hectic my being there shouldn't make a difference to her overall day! Good point.

So far no one is thinking its a good idea.

OP posts:

makedoandmend · 10/08/2009 21:18

Good grief - this can't be right -

everyone agrees with each other

Original poster

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 12/08/2009 08:24

Its official I am not going.

Have spoken to my sister who has been a bride recently and is childless and even she says don't go.

Plus my mum says don't go so thats final really .

Just got to brave telling the bride!!!!!

OP posts:

notcitrus · 12/08/2009 08:55

makedo - was going to be contrary and suggest she goes if she wants to.

I did go to a 3-day convention, 4 hours from home, at 38 weeks. Using a wheelchair because my SPD was so bad.

But the big difference was I was being driven by DH, the venue was one I knew, 5 min drive from excellent maternity unit, and I knew loads of sensible people there who would all ensure I was looked after. It was great, although people going "Wouldn't it be cool/funny if you went into labour!" got wearing after the fiftieth time...

Going alone to somewhere with no support is a totally different thing.

Roomfor2 · 12/08/2009 10:29

Perhaps send the bride a gorge bouquet of bridey flowers and a horseshoe or two with a nice note saying you can't make it?

The extra flourish might detract from the facts of the matter a bit and make her feel all pre-bridal instead of being cranky about you not coming. She'll enjoy the fact that you made the effort to make her feel a bit special in the run up to her big day, even if you can't actually be there.

StealthPolarBear · 12/08/2009 10:32

Glad you have decided not to go

LouMacca · 12/08/2009 11:09

Good Luck in telling your friend. I'm sure she will understand. You have made the right decision

ChunkyChick · 12/08/2009 15:02

Can't you invent some issue, like the fact that your blood pressure is getting to be a concern or similar, and say your consultant has advised against all unecessary activity, and you have to stay near the hospital for monitoring? She won't be any the wiser.

StealthPolarBear · 12/08/2009 15:13

I really wouldn't because it will probably come out. At 35 weeks pregnant, I think the OP has enough excuse in her own right.

3littlefrogs · 12/08/2009 15:22

The risk of DVT would be enough to stop me travelling anywhere at 35 weeks. I had a patient who developed DVT after a 3 hour coach journey - she was 25 weeks. It is a risk, and not one that many people seem to appreciate.

Original poster

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 12/08/2009 19:09

Thanks everyone for your comments they have really helped.

I am going to say the truth to the bride;

Journey to long with high risk of DVT
Too near to due date
Too far from chosen hospital for birth and from family

I don't want to go on and on about it to her (as she won't understand). I was going to go for short and sweet, apologise and get it over and done with.

Roomfor2 - I like the flowers idea. I'll do that!

That said I haven't told her yet.....

OP posts:

makedoandmend · 13/08/2009 09:37

HMHB - is it a reg office or a church do? Only ask because some reg offices have web cams set up so people who don't go can watch the ceremony. You could always arrange that so you feel like you're there (half mine and my dh's family had to do this)

Original poster

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 13/08/2009 15:16

makedo its in a hotel. There could be a web cam. Thats a sweet idea.

Still haven't told her I'm not going...

Honestly I'll do it later / tomorrow .

OP posts:

comeonbishbosh · 13/08/2009 16:59

Just a thought, but depending on the arrangments, could you do a 'hen party'? Obviously not if

it would be a very drunken do
it would be very close to the wedding
your other uni friends weren't going to be there

But! If it was one of those hang out for the weekend with lots of pampering stuff, and at least a month before the wedding, and a group of friends that you'd like to get together with... then could be a good answer. Of course, depends how well you know the bride how much you can suggest along these lines, it's not something you get to dictate!

Original poster

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 13/08/2009 20:53

bish - like the name.

I declined the hen weekend (which was a couple of weeks ago) as it was also on the South Coast and included;

Go Ape tree climbing
A 20 mile bike ride
A nightclub and lots of drinking

The bride totally understood and they (the hens) were all agreed that I should not go due to the activities involved.

OP posts:

comeonbishbosh · 17/08/2009 10:14

he he... yes, that would be a bit ambicious even for non pregnant people! Crickey!

rostbeef · 17/08/2009 12:43

Just piggybacking on this quickly - and I think you are right not to go! I have been asked to a hen do in Spain in two weeks, I agreed before I knew how damn HOT I would be at 20 weeks. I feel terrible canceling as its my oldest friend so think I am just going to have to go, but absolutely dreading it. Its 39 degrees there today....!

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