What's the gentlest way to tell someone who is having difficulty conceiving that you're pregnant?

[sheeplikessleep]

Any experiences / advice appreciated.
I know the news, either way is going to be a bit of a kick in the gut, but any ideas as to how it can be done in the gentlest way?
Thanks

The fact that you've given it this much thought already suggests you're a sensitive enough friend and sister to handle this well. Would only add that I agree about doing it in private - it shows you're aware that it might be hard for them. Good luck, and Congrats!

I would agree with those posters who say to break the news by email/phone beforehand, not in person.

In the five years I was trying I definitely appreciated the short phone call beforehand. Being told in person was excrutiating as I had to sit there and pretend to smile when all I wanted to do was scream and cry and hit something .

Those people who think you're sister will just be overjoyed to be an auntie are v wide of the mark IME, and I know alot of IF women through internet forums and all of them without exception were devastated by the news initially. IF is so all-consuming and can turn you into a person you really don't like or recognise anymore .

Congratulations and best wishes.

I've told her by phone, just now. She seemed OK, said congratulations and asked when due / how far along etc. She asked if that's why I hadn't called in a while (which I wasn't doing intentionally), so maybe it wasn't unexpected for her. But she seemed OK about it. I said that I was a bit nervous about telling her as I know it'll be bittersweet news for her, but that I obviously wanted her to be one of the first to know (alongside other sister, parents etc)
I'll be seeing her tomorrow, so at least now, she has some 'me' time before then.
Thank you for all of your advice.

Sounds like she might have already guessed then - I became very adept at guessing people were pg long before they me. Coping mechanism I guess .

Hope you have a lovely day together.

Had some troubles conceiving myself, but my closest friend where we live has been going through several heartbreaking rounds of IVF, so it was difficult for me to tell her (and more difficult for her to hear of course). We've shared a lot of the ups and downs of trying to conceive, even having the same consultant, so it was important to me that she felt I trusted her with the info and was honest with her. I did it fairly straightforwardly, while we were walking home from work, and I knew we had the option of either stopping off for a coffee or going our separate ways.

In the end the conversation was short and we moved swiftly onto other things, and had a long coffee moaning about work and planning hols. In the six weeks or though since then we haven't mentioned me being pregnant. However much it's occupying my head, I'm determined not to chat about it until she initiates. Which feels a bit weird since we're close, and sooner or later it will become obvious and a bigger factor in what I'm doing. But I want to give her space to find her own way of dealing with it.

I had literally years of this as I never conceived in the end, and in the mean time some of my friends have had four children!

It depends quite a bit on where you are in TTC, I went through a very painful stage when I could hardly be around children/pregnant mums, but it did pass (after about the first 10 or 12 announcements!) and in the end I was able to enjoy their friendship as families.

Friends are really important. I thought that I didn't want to end up in 10 years with no baby AND no friends, so I made a point of letting people know it was a bit poignant seeing them/first finding out but I really wanted to keep in touch nonetheless. Usually I had a bit of a weep when I first found out but then it was nice to share in a bit of the fun of their preparations.

So it's probably good to say, sorry if it's a bit hard for you to hear but I'm expecting in X. (Not "sorry I'm pregnant" that would be ridiculous). You can get into a stupid situation where both of you are avoiding each other because you think you will hurt their feelings.

The main thing is to avoid your friend finding out you're pregnant in front of lots of other people and being shocked by the news. By the time other people are talking about it with you, ideally she should know and have had a little time to digest the idea.

Take her to one side and say you have some news - that you wanted to tell her first for the reasons above (give her time to expect what's coming). Then tell her gently, and after a short while change the subject.

Also, wherever possible, try to avoid having those long, excited conversations with other friends about your pregnancy in front of her. That's not to say don't talk about it at all if she's there, but be sensitive to how she must be feeling. Obvious stuff really.