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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Please someone explain the logic to me...

35 replies

funtimewincies · 14/07/2009 20:38

This isn't a rant, I'm genuinely intrigued at the reactions I'm getting to the news that we don't want to know the sex of the baby this time around.

With ds, friends and family understood that we wanted it to be a surprise, especially having had an ectopic before becoming pg with ds. However, we've just had our 20 week scan (after a further 3 mcs between ds and this pg) and the comments from family are VERY different. The logic appears to go that with our first child it 'didn't matter' as we had no children of either sex, but with the second it somehow now does matter, that we 'must' have a preference.

We don't, especially as we feel blessed to have got this far at all. We genuinely have no preference . But, if we did, what good would finding out do? If it was the 'wrong' sex and we were disappointed, we can't exactly send it back .

Satisfying your own curiosity is one thing, but can anyone help me understand the logic of finding out because you have a preference. Does finding out and having time to get used to it make the whole thing less of a disappointment if you have a strong preference?

Not judging, just genuinely curious!

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Original poster

funtimewincies · 16/07/2009 20:03

I think that you're righ about the projection massivebump, I'm just surprised that a lot of the comments have come from members of the family known for their disapproval of medical technology. E.g. my mum is usually very much of the 'you get what you're given in life' camp to the point where she disagrees with organ transplants, but would have liked me to find out the sex of the baby. I expected her to be trotting out the familiar 'well of course in my day we didn't have all this...' lines .

OP posts:

alana39 · 16/07/2009 20:16

ha ha funtime, just read what you said about your FIL. My FIL is French, not the same thing about an old name but he has only sons, and is quite happy for us to have only sons so he can talk about the dynasty he has created since arriving in this country!

ladyhelen2 · 16/07/2009 20:22

funtime totally with you on this and had the same experiences ( multi mcs so just to get any further than 12 weeks was a blessing). So didn't care what sex it was. I also think it takes the fun out for everyone else if they all know in advance. I love a surprise be it my baby or anyone else's!

bevlin · 22/07/2009 20:45

shoesies It is a shame you found out now since you had a preference. Im going to assume this is your first (watch this, you'll say 4th)!
Im glad I didn't find out with first baby he was a boy because I secretly wanted a girl. If id found out at 20 weeks Id have been feeling same as you. I waited though and after my c-section (lots of probs in preg) my delighted husband shouted, it's a boy -one split second of disappointment then he was handed to me. The most beautiful, precious little boy in the world (im bound to think) and I was the proundest new mum in the world, (im welling up, PG hormones) I had the perfect baby! You will feel the same I promise. Now that he is two, the feelings get stronger and stronger and I just stare at him and think wow, how lucky am I. (well most days - he is 2)! Im now 16 weeks pregnant and sick of people saying, 'oh you'll be hoping for a girl then'. Not this time, I know how I feel about my son and if I feel half as much about the second I'll be over the moon. My first preg I used to look at cute baby girls and girls clothes now I tend to find baby boys cuter. Maybe reminding me of DS. I love tiny baby blue baby grows and matching hats for newborns and I love shopping for him now. Ive even thought, what if I don't feel the same about a girl. I know I probably would but I just want to reasure you that you won't be disappointed when he is here, I promise . If this is not your first and have a boy already, remember they will be totally different little people and have different quality's. Just enjoy the rest of your preg and look forward to 'that feeling', knowing won't take that away, it's amazing. AND...At least you won't have that fleeting moment of shock and disappointment at the birth now. x

mogend77 · 24/07/2009 14:08

Sounds like they are miffed themselves about not knowing and trying to justify their miffedness!

I did wnat to know, and part of that was because I had a preference, so I wanted to prepare myself. But I don't think that's a logic that needs to be inflicted on others - that was just what worked for me!

shoesies · 24/07/2009 14:29

bevlin yes this is my first! Thanks so much for the encouraging words, I'm now just so excited to meet him that I've forgotten I even wanted a girl . My sister has been having problems conceiving and it has made me realise just how lucky I am to have a healthy baby, regardless of the sex.

But next time round, I think I'll wait for the surprise....

Flo23 · 24/07/2009 14:44

Am 17 wks pg with DC3. So far have had the same 3 comments made when have told them we are having a 3rd-

Are you going to find out what it is?

You must be hoping its a girl this time

Haven't you worked out how it happens yet?

Answers are No, No, and I am actually really excited to be having another baby thank you very much!

I was hoping for a girl 2nd time(didnt find out), but as it turned out, was so pleased to have a boy and I can honestly, truly say I don't mind what it is this time so am very happy to wait for the surprise at delivery. My mother thinks I should find out so I can have a sort out of old clothes, toys etc but that really isnt enough to persuade me...

Flo23 · 24/07/2009 14:48

..when we have told them-obviously meaning family, friends, collegues etc!

fatandiknowit · 24/07/2009 14:54

I was convinced from the day i got my BFP that I was having a boy! No reason for this at all - but when we went to the 20 week scan we wanted to find out as my feeling ws so strong.

I was (apparently) right (though have to wait until November to know for certain)

It was the sheer strength of my conviction that caused us to ask - we had no preference but as we had been calling him "him" we wanted to adjust this if we were having a little girl.

Also as it's our first we were pretty over excited about all aspects and it was just something we both wanted to do

Catitainahatita · 24/07/2009 14:54

It's daft really. My DH has the same question but the other way round. I'm 24 weeks and this is our 2nd. But both times he has been uncontrollably excited about finding out the sex as early as possible. He can't understand why anyone would want to wait as it won't change the outcome. It wasn't a case of preference; he just wanted to start thinking up names and planning for whatever it was (DS first time, and DD -if all goes well- this time.)

I didn't have any preference at all, either time. But weirdly my gut feeling on both occasions has been dead wrong. In my first I was convinced it was a girl and until the scan this time I was equally convinced it was a boy.

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