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Pregnancy

Planning the birth

24 replies

ChaCha · 17/05/2005 16:57

I wanted to know what arrangements those of you who have given birth before made for the big day. Who did you have with you at the birth and did any of you have mum/dad relatives around on returning home?
Both my parents live in different countries and are already asking about the arrangements and who is going to stay where at the time of the birth etc.. DH says that he won't be able to take that much time of work and so is imperative that my folks are around (my parents could not be together in the same house anyway hence their asking about arrangements). Don't really know what to say, the in-laws are fab and say they wont even think of coming over for the first few weeks. Am panicking already, don't want to put my folks out but am being really selfish.
Help??

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starshaker · 17/05/2005 16:58

i had a very strict plan but it all went out the window when i got there. i think u can have a rough idea but it might not go like u plan

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starlover · 17/05/2005 16:59

I only had dp with me at the birth. He had a week off work afterwards which was really lovely because we got to bond with baby and have some time on our own and get used to it all.
Didn't have any family staying with me at all, but had them visiting lots after the first week or so!

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ChaCha · 17/05/2005 17:06

What to do when your folks want to fly in from different destinations to be there at birth and afterwards? ohhhhh...

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bundle · 17/05/2005 17:07

give them a list of hotels.

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starlover · 17/05/2005 17:29

well... do you want them there?
if not then tell them!

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bundle · 17/05/2005 17:30

it's called a Babymoon. you make the rules, you're allowed cos you're hormonal.

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Xena · 17/05/2005 18:05

Would agree with bundle after the arrival of DS (he was my inlaws 1st grandchild) We were decended on by relatives who sat around drinking tea. I was determined not to have a repeat performance after that and we were pretty much left alone other than helpfull visits to do the hoovering make a bit of tea etc. It sounds really selfish but after giving birth and bringing a new person home thats what you need.

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pupuce · 17/05/2005 18:22

My relatives from both sides came from abroad.
My mum was ready to come ASAP so DS was born on a Saturday and she was with us on the Tuesday, MIL came on the Friday.
The in-laws were happy to come "later" though for both sides it was the 1st grand child.
My dad didn't come - we went to see him 14 days after the birth.
I would not have wanted any of my relatives at my birth but am all for having another woman as a birth partner (I am a doula after all LOL) .

It made sense to us to have my mum first as she was going to be hands on help... she loves tidying up! LOL

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ChaCha · 17/05/2005 20:44

Thanks ladies, I just dont know what to expect. I mean, maybe i'll love having them around to help out etc.. or maybe i'll just want peace and quiet. Maybe it will be nice to have someone look after the baby while i get some sleep or have them help out around the house etc..
Really don't know what to expect

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morningpaper · 17/05/2005 21:00

My father lives abroad and I am expecting no. 2. I have asked him and stepmum to stay away until three months after. I know this sounds harsh but the first time I WAS NOT READY to see anyone for a few weeks. It was so hard learning to breastfeed and I really needed to sit around half-naked all day. It was also really hard just SITTING up and moving around. I was also really fat. I also passed out when I had a bowel movement. I was in tears by 5pm every day and in bed by 6. The baby would have woken any visitors throughout the night.

SO it really depends on how you think you might react - and I think, how close you are to your relatives. If you think you might like them there to support you if you are going through the above, then I would consider having them around. Otherwise, I would wait a few weeks and give yourself time to settle in.

Of course you might feel FABULOUS and be dying to have people round so you can bake for them.

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moondog · 17/05/2005 21:03

3 months morningpaper??! Foul post partum after effects aside,isn't that a teensy

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shimmy21 · 17/05/2005 21:03

Choose someone who wont expect to be entertained. Would your mum/ dad/ mil be able to cope with doing all the boring bits like washing up and putting on the (many) washes witrhout waiting to be asked while you have the fun bit of sleeping and cuddling your babe all day long? If they are high maintenance parents/ pils then ask them to come later when you are up to it.

Frankly I wish my mum had been around for a bit longer. I thought I could cope and leaped up out of bed on the second day only to have a major crash by the third week. my advice -take all the help you feel comfortable with and never feel guilty about asking for it.

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Pruni · 17/05/2005 21:06

Message withdrawn

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morningpaper · 17/05/2005 22:10

moondog: trouble is, they have to come TO STAY and that means me washing/cooking/providing constant witty banter and entertainment. I'm also expecting in October and want Christmas over before I tackle long parental visits! I think it very much depends on your relationship and how much help they are likely to be / how relaxed you feel around them.

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morningpaper · 17/05/2005 22:11

Prni: I answered the door to the vicar and I had no top on. I thought it was my mum - she arrived 30 seconds afterwards, I had just seen her coming up the path.

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aviatrix · 18/05/2005 07:09

This reply has been deleted

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rodeo1 · 18/05/2005 09:57

ooh I remember this well,

I had about 5 people visit me in hospital when I had dd, BIL and his GF, my dad, his wife and gran (just had section), I couldn't cope so I left them all in my cubicle with DP and baby and went to sit in the loo for half an hour

With ds, section again, I gave them all a evening or lunchtime to come in so I had 2 visitors max (which I think the hosp suggests anyway - but well meaning rellies ignore!)

The thread wasn't really about visitors in hosp was it?!

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busyalexsmummy · 18/05/2005 13:26

My sympathy goes out to you, when i had ds my partner m-i-l and s-i-l turned up to pick me up from hospital, wasnt particulary happy about s-i-l being there as i wasnt aware she was coming and turned up when i was naked apart from me knickers giving ds kangeroo care and trying to breastfeed-huge tits and wobbly belly hanging out and ice pack up my bum to try get rid of the pain of the stitches!
my sister then desended on us when ds was 2 1/2 weeks old-for a whole bloody week, but get this, she wanted to be shown round all the tourist attractions+i think i got to hold my son 3times that week and push his pram once.
the last thing i wanted was that, my stitches were still very very sore and i just wanted to sloth around at home in pj's.
this time will be different, im putting my foot down and having it a

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morningpaper · 18/05/2005 13:30

oooh busyalexmummy what a grim picture you paint of the hospital visit! I remember it well though - sitting bleeding into a pile of sanitary towels, fat and tearfully grappling with newborn and raging nipples. The last thing I needed was an audience! I didn't even let my mother see me at the hospital - I had no visitors there!

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ChaCha · 18/05/2005 13:59

Busy, you had me in stitches!! I shouldn't laugh but sounds so typical of what can and usually does happen! Oh crikey...i've all this yet to come? I'm scared!

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bubbles2904 · 18/05/2005 17:25

i know what you al mean about the hospital visits, at one point i think i had about 10-12 visitors when i had dd, 2 of which i hadn't seen for years and couldn't care less if i didn't seee them for a few more, they didn't even bring choccie with them, ffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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mrsflowerpot · 18/05/2005 17:28

I probably sound like a miserable old bag, but I don't want anyone to the hospital this time apart from dh and ds. I had both families descend big time last time and it was too soon - I had a section and I was in pain/on drugs and it was all just a horrible experience. Then I felt bad that I hadn't been on top form when they came.

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LIZS · 18/05/2005 17:48

Chacha

Had a similar situation with my parents when dd was born. They were separated and not on good terms at the time. Had ds already so my mum came to stay a week ahead of my edd just in case we needed her to take care of him and then dd was 10 days late ! My dad meanwhile was spitting to be left out and threatened to just turn up and find a hotel but in the end didn't. It was n't so bad with my mum around, she could take care of ds and was happy to do housework, and she left when dd was about 10 days old. However first time I felt really awkward when the grandparents turned up at hospital the next day to visit me and ds while I was struggling to sit right, breastfeed (not discreetly!), semi dressed, sleep deprived etc.

Could you time one of your parents (the one likely to be most helpful to you and least taxing !) to come out as your dh is due back at work and then the other a little later. Those first few days are special and you should give yourself space to make the most of it.

Good luck

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ChaCha · 18/05/2005 19:35

LIZS - very similar situations. I think you're right! I should arrange that DH is with me for first few days and then get mum over followed by dad (who will sulk but what to do?) a little later. Mum has her own family anyway so am pretty sure that she won't want to spend weeks with us or anything. Dad on the other hand - well that's another story..
Cheers x

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