I complained about my midwife - and guess who just phoned to 'transfer my care'?

[YanknCock]

Wow, I'm still shaking. I really hate confrontation, even over the phone!

If you're on the discussions about high BMI/blood pressure or the Aug 09 antenatal club, you'll know my litany of complaints about this midwife I've had for the last 5-6 months, reposted here:

1. On meeting me, no knowledge of my history (3 years of TTC + 1 miscarriage), asked me if I'd consider having a termination because I was upset about being sick (was suffering from antenatal depression).

1. Completely ill at ease with mental health issues--thinks depressed=stupid.

1. Annoying and patronising in all appointments.

1. Tried to put me off NCT classes despite complaining about my social isolation. ('They'll expect you to give birth on a single puff of gas and air and will make you feel like a failure if you don't')

1. Essentially told DH he wasn't welcome at NHS antenatal classes ('Now I'm not trying to put you off, but we do worry the group might not "gel"....I guess you can come to the first one and we'll see how it goes')

1. And the final straw....took my blood pressure with standard size cuff, despite my protestations that I need a large size due to big arms, and standard size will give false high BP. Told me it didn't matter. GP and NHS guidelines disagree!! Was 140/70 with wrong cuff, but a few days later at GP was 110/70 with appropriate cuff. Grrrrrrr.

So last week I phoned the community supervisor of midwives and said I didn't want to see her anymore. I was prepared to suck it up and put a lot of it down to personality clashes, but the blood pressure thing really pissed me off! I was quite upset and in tears, especially about the 'termination' suggestion, so thought they understood I REALLY wanted no more to do with this midwife.

Then just a few minutes ago, I get a withheld number calling on my mobile, and who should it be, but the same midwife! Completely threw me for a minute, but I suddenly felt quite angry, though I managed to sound fairly calm (I think). As she started blathering on, I broke in and said, 'I'm sorry, but I thought I'd asked not to deal with you anymore, I'm not sure why you're the one calling me'. Then decided since she was on the phone I might as well detail for her exactly WHY I was so pissed off!

Basically re: the BP she wouldn't admit she did anything wrong. I told her she'd 'dismissed my concerns about false high BP readings' and her response was 'I'm sorry you've interpreted it that way', to which I said, 'I haven't INTERPRETED anything, you were WRONG, and all the NHS guidance and 20 years of research shows you were WRONG!' Then she said, 'Well your BP wasn't high anyway' to which I said 'it was 140/70, and at the GP's WITH THE PROPER CUFF it was 110/70!'

I continued 'and you tried to put my husband off coming to NHS antenatal classes. If you wanted a 'women only' class, you should have advertised it as such. Frankly I don't give a crap if your class "gels", I want my husband and birth partner to be there with me and get the information we both need!'

And finished off with 'As long as you're on the phone, I'll tell you that I thought what you said to me at our first meeting was so inappropriate---I'd spent 3 years trying to have a baby, had a recent miscarriage, and you suggested a termination because I was having a rough time with my pregnancy!'

She kept doing that thing where people say they are sorry, but you know they aren't, because it's phrased so carefully, as in 'I'm sorry YOU'RE upset'. I told her I was thinking of making a complaintI'd been okay with letting it all go because I just never wanted to deal with her again-now am rethinking.

I think I am going to phone the supervisor's office and let them know I'm a bit unhappy that they had her make this call. I mean if I went far enough to request a new midwife and told them all those problems, wouldn't you think they'd realise she's the LAST person in the world I'd want to hear from?

Feeling slightly calmer now....

and unclench jaw...and relax.....

Yank, I would consider how much effort you would put into writing the letter and how much stress it would cause you. Sometimes I just let things go becasue I don't have the resources to devote it and i'd rather spend energy on other things. ON the other hand, if you feel really strongly about it, sometimes it can be quite cathartic to follow it through (and possibly help others in similar situation). I'd just weight it up personally. In any event, you've gotten a new midwife which is really excellent.

I just conveniently got a new midwife as the old one got a new job. I really really prefer the new one so am particularly happy at the way it has worked out.

TBH, I don't think it would stress me too much. Writing about the other stuff maybe, but just about the BP cuff....I could plagerise rampantly from all the threads about high BMI in pregnancy, and the research was already done after my last appointment with her.

I kind of feel like I've got an opportunity to make a small difference, and I can craft fairly articulate letters. Three months ago, in the depths of antenatal depression, I'd never have been able to do this, so it feels good to want to do something.

I reckon go for it then. If it leads to move awareness of the cuffs among midwives then that must be a good thing.

Just wanted to say some of the things you have said my MW was like that for me and I complained and got rid of mine 1 day before DS was due. She was the head MW of the area and was horrible in so many way I could go on and on about how bad she was.

Good for you in sticking to your guns and getting rid of her. I would put it in writing.

The MW I complained about, I spoke to the Dr who said but everyone likes her. Was quite shocked when I could name 20 pregnancies that mothers would complain about her.

WOOO HOOO !!!! Yank!! Good on you for getting all that out to the person who really needed to hear it - i'd have been tripping over my tongue!!

I'd say while you are on a roll, write the letter. If you send it as an email by law they have to treat it as a traditionally sent letter afaik, I think to be honest it might also give you a bit of closure on that evil midwife too. If you know that she's about to be sent a larger cuff and been lectured on its use then you, my dear have won!

Hawk!!! That is outrageous!!!! !!!!!!

Never been one to hold back if I'm feeling I have a case for complaint. If I was in your shoes I don't think I would have been so calm over the phone either.

I have just googled this so not read it thoroughly but if you were intending to make this official, here is the link to the Nursting & Midwifery Council where you can make an official complaint.