shocked, and pregnant!

[Cynthia32]

Already posted this in chat but thought I may get a better response here!

Um basically I'm pregnant. Of course this is good..but I had a miscarriage just over a year ago now and I completely closed up, didn't come on here very often and didn't want to talk to anyone about it, not even DH. I'm quite old now grin and of course I'm worried about having another miscarriage as this was unexpected, as was the pregnancy before the miscarriage. I don't know if I want another child - I only have one DD and she is 16 and at boarding school and my DH is not her father.
DH is away a lot as he is in the forces and I would find it hard to cope on my own. Truth is I didn't think this could happen anymore, I thought I was too old! I haven't told anyone yet, not even DH. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this really! I just feel like the having babies part of my life is over. And now I have another one inside me and I don't know what to do really.

hi cynthia

no wonder you are a bit shocked!

i'm a bit confused by your post but i expect that's exactly how you are feeling

can i ask some stupid questions, for clarification???

were you TTC?

how was your Dh when you lost the baby lastt year?

how do you think your Dh will feel about it? i guess you had talked about having children togther??

when you say you are old, what is it that worries you? your health or the baby's or just starting all over again???

hope you dont mind me asking this -is the baby your Dhs? its just you said that he was away.......

why do you think you would find it hard to cope alone? do you have health problems?

Sure you can ask any questions! No, this was completely unexpected. DH was away with work at the time of the miscarriage and for a long time after. TBH with you we never talked about it much as I tried to avoid the subject. Well we never thought we would have a child together becaus he is away a lot and I have my DD! My health, the baby's health and starting all over again all worry me! Yep this baby is definitely DH's. He was last home in mid may and I have never been unfaithful to him. I would find it hard to cope alone, because I've never had to.

Thanks greenelephant...not feeling that its wonderful atm!

ok, sorry to ask so many questions, just trying to understand

so on one hand you think you MIGHT like another child but you don't know how Dh would feel. is that right?

you dont need me to tell you that there are lots of mothers who bring up kids just fine on their owwn. after all you manage when your DD is home from school

have you posted on the " forces sweethearts " threads here? I'm sure you would get lots of advice

you say you thought you were too old - how old are you, if you dont mind my asking? have your seen your Gp and talked any of this through with him/her?

when are you planning to tell your DH?

Well I am an older Mother,so I understand the worries about age,but they are most probably just worries,nothing else.I can imagine you are shocked,I think you need time to get your head round a pregnancy even if it is planned.Are you concerned about how DH will take it? You do sound quite alone.On the plus side,babies are LOVELY!

I have posted a couple of times on forces sweethearts, but not about this. Maybe I will . I was more expecting to get a grandchild in the near future than a child TBH! . No idea how DH would react. I don't think he wants a child as he won't be around enough for it. I am in my very late forties. I haven't seen my GP, only found this all out tonight! DH is next back at the end of the month. Don't know whether to tell him then or over the phone. Well hellymelly, I'm just worried after the miscarriage, truth be told.

Cynthia- Congratulations.. You do sound very confused about it all.
Are you based on the UK or are you overseas, do you have friends family etc for support.

I am a forces wife and we live in germany, DH had the snip last week in Monday then on wednesday I found out I am expecting number 4!! shocked yes.. but I always wanted another so i am happy.. DH is the one worrying how i will cope with 4 when he deploys next etc.. But we do cope because we have to. I have a great network of friends here. (my children are DD 12.5yrs DS1 5yrs DS2 23months) so I will have 3 under 6..

DO you think alot of your anxieties are to do with the mc last year hun. Are you working at themo!!.

hi cynthia, how are you feeling today? i do understand that complete shock as our last baby was a TOTAL surprise, as had a 8 month old who was Bf night and day and no periods. Plus i had thyroid problems. TBH the biggest shock was that i dont really remmeber BD very often so i suspect i was asleep when he was conceived. BUt Dh says not

and i was 43, which seemed quite old at the time, esp as you read all the stuff here about couple struggling to conceive in their late 30s

i'm now 47 and i know i would be even more now, so i can identify with how you must feeling

if you are very worried about miscarrying, it seems to me that deep down you MUST really want to have this baby. Woudl your Gp send you for an early scan? that woudl be reassuring. I see you are a nurse so you will know that they can see the heart beating at 6 weeks

as for being a granny - stuff and nonsense! who wants their daughter to be pg as a teenager? you will hopefully have years yet befroe she wants to be a mum herself - teenage years are for going out and having fun