Dee, JATGB, so sorry to hear about the hassle you had in your births.
You CAN have a homebirth with high BMI, but you may have a bit of a fight on your hands, so read up and contact AIMS if they give you any crap, and look at the homebirth.org.uk site. Start asserting that you want one early in the pregnancy so you can get the battle out of the way before late pregnancy.
I had to really assert myself to prevent the MW attaching the scalp monitor (they thought waters were already broken). MW waited until my exhausted DH was napping to hassle me about it, but I didn't back down, and gave her my best "don't fuck with me" look. She let it go. I think it's cos I don't pluck my thick eyebrows, it makes me appear pretty intimidating when I'm pissed off, and comes in useful in these situations!
At shift change an evil bitch of a MW waltzed in, turned off my music without a bye-your-leave, and was about to break my waters without my permission, or even notification, until DH who had (bless him) been paying attention in the NCT class figured out why she asked him to fetch her the instrument that looks like a "long crochet hook", and he told her "Er, isn't that for breaking the waters? We already said we don't want ARM unless it's absolutley necessary." My hero
Nasty MW then tried to pressure us into agreeing with her, walked out the room in a huff saying she'd have to speak to the Paediatric doctor to see if I was "allowed" not to have them broken! Whilst she was out the room my waters broke (HA!), and I went into transition. I remember moaning "I don't want her back, I don't like her." DH, man of the hour, went out and told her to bugger off. At that point I got a good MW, and pushed DD out promptly.
See, here's what I think helped us- being armed with all the information, expecting the worst and hoping for the best, DH being an awesome, proactive and protective birth partner willing to listen to me and my instincts first, attending both NCT and NHS classes, having a doula.
Actually, our doula didn't come with us to the hospital as I transferred when she was getting some kip, and the hospital then refused her entry without even asking me if I wanted her there, the douchebags. I still think having her helped, though. She was there pre-natally when I was getting hassled at clinics, and for most of my labour. All that helped me feel supported, more in control and able to assert myself.
Have any of you guys considered a doula to help you get the birth you need? In this situation, where it feels like HCP aren't listening to you or working in your best interests, it could be really beneficial to have backup.
Scratchet, why can't they use handheld dopplers? The first 27 hours of my labour at home the MW had no problems getting a heartbeat with the handheld ones, when I got to hospital it was all of a sudden imperative I had continuous monitoring... Tethering a labouring woman to the bed is not very conducive to a good birth IMO.
nicci, what bullshit. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, it's your body, your baby and your choice about what tests to get, when and if you are admitted.
This- "it would be noted that I had done so against advice which would affect my treatment if anything happened to me or the the baby later"- is absolutely outrageous! WTF do they mean by that? "affect your treatment"? The only thing that should affect or change your treatment is good clinical judgement based on factual evidence of your state of health, end of!
Next time you feel stressed out and they try to push you into a bp test, just say "I'm not going to have that test today, I'm stressed out and I think it would be unrepresentative of my health." Or just, "I wont have that test today, thank you." Be calm, but firm. Don't enter into it with them, just say no. They can't make you. You can refuse any and all treatment, remember that. Obviously, it's in your and your baby's interests that you have medical care, but you decide that, NOT the HCP. I really think a doula could help you, nicci, you need someone in your corner.