What do you wish you were told/not told before pregnancy?

[slightlyonedgemum]

We're hoping to start TTC in a few months time and whilst looking on the net for info on being wheat free and whether it'd affect my baby earlier, I found an advisory website telling you what you should eat/not eat, supplements to take, why you should garden wearing gloves etc and I'm now a bit shell shocked and feeling rather nervous!

So, what were the important things you read/heard and what made you panic for no reason?!

slightlyonedge - just a note on the bellydancing - one of my first pregnancy symptoms with DS was that bellydancing made me feel unwell - lightheaded and a bit nauseous iirc. My teacher also told me that it's not good to bellydance while pregnant - I'm not sure why (didn't really investigate because of the feeling unwell thing!).

Trillian - the FSA says no to pasteurised Brie:

"In order to avoid the risk of listeriosis pregnant women are advised to avoid eating ripened soft cheeses of the Brie, Camembert and blue-veined types, whether pasteurised or unpasteurised.

This is because ripened soft cheeses are less acidic and contain more moisture than hard cheeses, and are therefore more inclined to allow growth of undesirable bacteria such as Listeria, which may harm your unborn child."

From here.

Oops, sorry. I was relating what my newly-sprogged friend was saying/doing when she was pregnant, assumed she was getting her info from the right place (plus it sounded like it made sense as pasteurisation means the milk is cooked before they make cheese from it).

Erm yes definitely to not worrying in the same way after your first baby. My issue really is, there's so much info, I'd rather have a few instructions. Once you've read it, you worry that if you don't do what they've said and something bad happens, it'll be your fault. My DH is very much 'oh common sense is enough' but as I keep telling him, he's been through all this before. But that's a whole other issue we/I have! He's also more relaxed generally so always makes me feel I'm being unreasonably stressed/organised with life.

Cheese - glad I can have feta and halloumi, they're my favourites! Can cope without brie and blue cheese, so that's alright.

Bellydancing-very odd! To be honest though, I don't know if I'd be able to continue with a belly! My sister did it before pregnancy though and reckoned it helped.

I'm sure the main thing is remaining calm and I'll either be neurotic or 'sod off it's my body' calm!

a few people I know (including me) have thought that being pregnant won't be any different, it'll be when you have the baby that the change will happen - oh no!

I became much healthier and more aware of the crap what I was eating, stopped drinking completely and more cautious much to my DH's amazement as to him there was no visible pregnancy even - he couldn't understand it!. My SIL developed severe morning sickness, so much so it ruined her wedding and honeymoon....etc etc

2. that a baby is a little person from the day it's born and has a distinct personality - that was a bit of a shock! I was expecting a 'baby' and got an interesting little person

oh yes and with regard to TTC, that you can spend 15 years avoiding pregnancy and then the next two years trying to get pregnant.

You sort of expect it to happen and when it doesn't happen first go - that's a shock!

If he thinks you're unreasonably stressed now, just wait till the pregnancy hormones kick in - they can make you overreact to really stupid things!

Don't think common sense does entirely work - I cite Trillian's example of pasteurised brie, as it sounds entirely reasonable to me that that would be okay (and I will forgive her eventually for getting my hopes up!).

Also, when you're feeling tired and stretched and grumpy, and craving something you're supposed to avoid / restrict, you may find that the rules are more guidelines

Most people I know have had at least one big boozy bender while in the earlier stages of pregnancy. I was carefully avoiding alcohol, blue cheese etc while TTCing, then thought "sod it" one day and drank a bottle and a half of red wine. Turns out I was about 2 weeks pregnant at the time. Did DS no lasting damage...I think!

I'm veggie, and the only things I had to avoid were booze, some cheeses and nuts (due to family history of allergy). And I was careful with bagged salads. It is common sense though, if you are not sure, don't eat something until you've checked the risks.

Like cazinski says, every pregnancy is different, there's no point stressing about symptoms that you might never get.

But the rules need to be used sensibly - ie no pate doesn't mean that you can't make your own pate and eat it immediately (provided that you use 'permitted' ingredients of course). It means that you shouldn't buy pate that has been pre-prepared.

Similarly for soft and blue cheeses - you can have these as long as they have been well-cooked so that there is no chance of catching anything even if they had something - like only eating well cooked eggs.

I'm fully prepared for pregancy to be different-I'm anaemic, have a dodgy back, bad circulation and regularly feel dizzy due to a dodgy neck. I think my concerns about all of that are what are making me want to know things now!

I've been told by friends that you crave what you need and I find that normally anyway without pregnancy (although sugar probably isn't technically needed).

I'm looking forward to a child with personality! I'm an aunt and godmother so am used to babies although I normally get to give them back!

TTC taking a while is something I'm prepared for although I'm sure I'll get impatient if it doesn't happen in 6 months! But that's ok as I'm not exactly old, we'd just like there to be less of a gap between the baby and DS.

Annoyingly, I don't think he thinks I'm being irrational most of the time. I think his first wife (who died when DS was 3) was a lot worst (in his opinion) as she read all the books and didn't want to take any advice. But then she was also quite lazy (once again from what he says) so he ended up doing a lot of it once DS came along.

That's what I'm concerned about with common sense which is why I wanted to read information on it first so I was prepared. But then I read too much!

One thing I read was that you need to get checked for rubella immunity first. Is that true?

The point of being checked first is that if it's discovered while you're pregnant, you can't be immunised then (I believe). And it's quite dangerous at certain stages. (Having said that, I didn't tested - too lazy / disorganised.)

(the "it" to be discovered being your lack of immunity)
(the "it" that is dangerous being catching rubella)
(must learn to write English...)

when you start trying, go to see your doc so that it is in your records that you are officially TTC. then if you have problems getting pg and you want referring for tests etc you will be able to show how long you have been TTC.

we had problems and wanted a referral to the hospital, but gp said had to have been trying for so many years, when i said that we had been trying for that long he didn't believe me. he thought i was lying to get the referral.

hopefully, you'll be lucky like stokey and get pg quickly, but not everyone that fortunate!

sorry for bad typing, am bfing.

Hensmum what's wrong with bagged salads? Are there hidden nasty things in there?

Inform me please

I thought they could have something lurking...not sure what now! I always used to wash bagged salads but that was probably over-cautious. Will have a Google now.

There is absolutely nothing that I think I was not told about pregnancy beforehand because everyone (including people who have never been pregnant) thinks they are an expert in the subject.

My only wish is that I had listened to my mil who said to me - eat what you want and try to enjoy the experience. We share the same attitude.

I wish I'd known that just because you have irregular periods you do not need to have an early dating scan at 6 weeks, despite what some twunt of a doctor tells you. Then I wouldn't have spent the entire of Christmas and New Year convinced I'd had an early miscarriage (what the sonographer suggested when they couldn't find anything) and lying through my teeth to my family and friends about why I wasn't drinking.

Sounds obvious to me now but I thought that was what was necessary. Doh.

From Junior Magazine www.juniormagazine.co.uk/news/article.asp?UAN=26

"Soil left on unwashed fruit and vegetables (and washed salads) may contain toxoplasmosis - an infection caused by a parasite. "

Admittedly not the most reliable of sources. Can't remember where I first heard of it - possibly a pregancy book?

Bagged Salad can grow all sorts of grotty bacteria in it as it's been cut and then sits on the shelf for ages. Only eat it if you've washed it thoroughly beforehand. Apparently loads of people get stomach bugs from it but don't realise it was the salad.

If you want the truth about pregnancy symptoms and what people tell you vs the truth... this_woman is hilarious and scary but very often true.

On the positive side ... What nobody did tell me was that - having been overweight for years and having a big belly and being ashamed of it - becoming pregnant was actually a lovely release. I'm large because it is baby and my belly is supposed to stick out. No more stressing about pulling my top down and hunching over - stick it out and proud! Going from hating my body to actuall y quite liking the shape is something lovely and new for me.
I felt lovely and blooming and glowing in the last months (and getting there again this time) - nobody tells you how great it feels to have a live thing growing and wriggling and kicking and relying on you. It's super.

I read about washing your salads due to that yesterday. Also says to make sure you wear gloves when gardening for the same reason. Not sure about all of that as you wash your hands and food before eating them anyway, surely? I only do bagged spinach and rarely wash that though....

I will go to see our doctor before TTC as I have thalassemia trait and my DH needs testing first. They know about that and have asked him to go in to 'discuss his management' after my doctor wrote a report (don't know what it said). I've now moved my doctor so we see the same person to make things easier so we'll make him an appointment and I'll go too. That way hopefully it'll be straightforward!

AliGryls - that's what I'm worried about! I think I just want to find facts, feel informed and thus able to ignore listen to people's advice with perspective. I want to enjoy it but not feel I'm being negligent!

It is good you want to be informed but my point is that so many people have stories they can't wait tell you about how bad pregnancy can be.

I have found my first pregnancy such a positive experience and I am so happy. If you do what you are comfortable with you won't be negligent.

Sotty havent read all the posts but would just like to say as a new mum- Sleep!! Do not think you can get all the sleep you want before the baby comes your bladder will not let you lol!

Seriously cannot remember my last good nights sleep - BUT!!! and this is a huge BUT - Your body copes much better without sleep than you ever thought it would. I am normally useless eithout sleep but I seem to still be functioning somehow!

Well kind of functioning araprt from the spelling obviously - I meant SORRY not SOTTY

I'm definitely in the 'it's always the bad stories you hear' brigade, I'd just rather hear the bad things and then know that I'm prepared for it. That way I get a nice surprise when it's not so bad. Weirdly, I'm also good in emergencies so I don't know why my head doesn't join these too up and stop worrying.....

I hope I deal with lack of sleep well-I get grumpy and depressed now when I'm tired so my DH is already worried about that!

What would I like to have heard? Let me think....

• Not to waste time stressing about possible side-effects before they happen, as everyone's pregnancy is so different - some people really struggle, but many others have no real sickness or problems at all (I had nothing worse than occasional indigestion, killer leg cramps once or twice, and the effects of the bump that everyone gets towards the end like trouble getting comfy in bed, but overall it was really not bad!).

• Not to worry if your symptoms suddenly disappear at any stage, this seems to be really common and completely normal

• To reeealllly make the most of the child-free time you have left; go out in the evenings with your partner, go on leisurely shopping trips, read books, laze around or whatever you like to do cos things will never be the same again!

• Same with before you get pregnant, do all the "unsuitable" things like going on rollercoasters (if you like them!), adventurous holidays, festivals, eating loads of pate and blue cheese...

• Try to spend a bit less time focusing on pregnancy (which does pass relatively quickly) and more finding out about what it's like to have a baby and later, a small child; I wish I had been able to get a bit more baby experience/knowledge first as I mostly breezed through pregnancy but found being a mum a huge HUUGE change which took a lot of getting used to (I had very little direct experience with kids before).

• Oh and for after baby is born, learn the two mantras "It's totally normal" and "It's just a phase and will pass" and repeat them to yourself several times a day as they apply to almost everything you might be stressing about!