losing friends after difficult pregnancies+loss - now in last tri and lonely...

[halen]

Hi - am new to mumsnet and thought this might be the right place to post as I am 30 weeks pregnant.
Please be gentle with me as it has taken a lot of courage to write... but think that it might do me some good to get some opinions; the worry is not doing me any good.

Background is that the last five years have been difficult - first pregnancy difficult then baby too premature to survive, major surgery to correct gynae issues, fertility treatment, a miscarriage, now pregnant again and again a difficult pregnancy.

I feel that I have lost many friends over this time - some just could not handle the sad end to the first pregnancy and have blamed it on me not keeping in touch (at a time when I could barely get up in the morning!); others feel awkward as they have kids, or they don't have kids and my problems make them worry about their own fertility; some have been supportive but have recently not been returning calls or emails - lives are busy - and I just feel everyone is probably thinking "not again"!

Things are hopefully at a point where it will be a good outcome - the hospital are being very positive.
I am careful to always be as upbeat as possible with friends so they don't get compassion fatigue and always am interested in their lives and what they are up to.

I know that it has really sorted out those who truly care about me from those who don't; I feel sad at how few are in the former group as few people have come to see me.
My ex best friend has been awful and I don't think our friendship will ever truly recover and I feel incredibly sad about how an old group of mates has behaved - they now all meet up without me and blame me for being the one to lose touch - when I think if you are going through a hellish time the onus is on your friends to see how you are.

I know that in a few weeks I will have a lovely new baby and life will feel a lot better - though after everything that has happened it is not wise to accept that this is likely to be reality until the child is actually here.

I am hoping that by writing this down, I will feel better having got it off my chest. I don't know if I sound playgroundy/whiny - or just anxious in pregnancy/lonely - I probably have a bit too much time on my hands now I am on maternity leave to worry about things.. but please be gentle in any replies..

Eek, going to press the Create conversation button!

I would say that now is the time to be selfish anyway. You'll have plenty of time to be selfless once baby arrives.

I can't stress enough the need for you to pamper/treat yourself; to relax and sleep as much as you (and if you can manage to sleep well, I don't know the dynamics of your bump!)

Be kind to yourself and try to avoid beating yourself up about things (with distractions is a good one: can you get box set DVDs to rent and watch. I found immersing myself in the first series of ER a good way of not dwelling on the things that were worrying me once I got on ML last time.

Thank you ever so much! It's been really helpful to get this off my chest.
I've worked out what the pain probably was - baby must have turned round as now the kicks are over my bladder (whereas this morning and for last few weeks have been just under my ribs!)

My midwife a while back advised me to go into a "pregnancy bubble" and let in what was helpful and keep out what was not.
I feel a bit silly for contacting this person after several emails went unreplied, but did so as had reports that my emails had not been getting through.

I know the people who I find helpful so will just concentrate on them until life has improved.
Will think about the box set idea!

Feeling much more relaxed now thank you!